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Friday, June 26, 2015

Leave the World

  • June 26, 2013
  • Debby Shively
    6/26, 9:19am
    Debby Shively
    Hey Lady when will you be coming through this way?
    I wanted to catch ya if i can...
    How are you doing? Need to sit awhile and talk?? I am always here for you, I hope you are not working so hard.....LOVE to hang out maybe this weekend? I' going to my moms on Friday all day in Ctown looks like but lets chat soon okay? HUGS

    It was 2 years ago that my best friend died today, It was such a hot summer day in which I disappeared from my regular life. In which I left town and hid in all our old hang out places, I walked for miles in foggy thoughts, memories and a deep raw fear that I will forget her. It was the sadness of being force to let her go...and then the anger of hitting a huge brick wall feeling of being trapped whenever I wanted to contact her!
    She was closer to me when my own sister, she was wiser then my own mother and she knew my husband inside out for they even shared high school days together.
    She was always just a phone call away, or a good surprise pop-in friend event and so in all the years of  being friends we took each other as we were......I miss that, I miss HER!

    It was 2 years ago today I woke up around 8am with Benny on my mind, and in my heart. I knew she needed me as she was about to pack up her home in Twin Falls and move to Chicago. I was going to help her, I was going be there for her all weekend and then later on fly out to Chicago and celebrate her new life's adventures there! I was.....I was....I was....

    It was over my cup of coffee I sent her the above message on our usual chit chat Facebook world......The moment I hit "Send" with her heavy in my thoughts suddenly I was washed over with great sadness as I thought to myself "She will never read this, Debby prepare yourself....for she has died." I flew up from my computer spilling coffee and panicking over my own thoughts as my husband laughed at me asking "Is there a bug?" I chuckled back shaking off my racing fear of having such a thought..."What am I CRAZY???? Why would I ever think that?!?...Hope she calls me back soon and helps me relax again."

    It was 2 hours later from when I facebooked Benny to her husband calling me, 2 years ago I pulled over in my car to answer him all the while the feeling he had bad news for me grew bigger and I tried to stay calm even though my whole world was never going to be the same again.....He choked kindly "Benny died, Debby she is gone." My heart went wild as my head said "I know, I woke up this morning already knowing this......"

    It was 2 years ago when I screamed the loudest I have ever screamed in pure sadness and in pure loss.....I hate "knowing" whatever part of me is that small voice always bringing forth trauma I need to face head on and bravely.....I don't hate very many things in my life but I do hate feeling death as it comes so close to my own life force. It's a shadow, it's a thought or a warning but it is a huge part of the glory in living!

    My darling Benny Girl, I wish you were here to share all you now know in the after life, the force of the universe and the wonder of it ALL!

    I miss you..................HUGS :-}

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