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Friday, July 25, 2014

Talking with a friend


     It was like having a little sister of my own only BreAnna was one of the smartest kids I had ever met both in knowledge and in socializing very naturally. Back then while I was getting married and she was entering Jr. High I delighted in listening to all she had been learning in school to how she saw the world around us so clearly. Her mother Linda was also a huge support in my life as it was ever so changing and unfolding crazily. And I will always remember the advice Linda gave me when I had just explained to her how Joanie her step-daughter was treating me, She smiled very steadily and kindly at me saying "It's hard when friends grow apart, when they change from who you use to know them to be....but Debby remember this, right and wrong can only be decided from what you know in yourself to work for you and in how you want your life to be." I sat there leaning into BreAnna's shoulder as the emotional 24 year old I was, while Bre smiled up at me adding along side her mother's advice as we all chill out together in their livingroom "You already know right from wrong, now all you have to do is know what kind of life that you want." When BreAnna said this in her "Mater of fact" way I giggled. Again I was blown away by this young lady in that summer evening 11 years ago! I still cherished those words and those friendships with those 2 back then. It was so fun to reconnected with BreAnna as she was planning her own wedding, while we met up over coffee catching up on all the changes and events that happened since I had moved away. I was so thrilled to see her! and to celebrate with her such a happy time, such a good life she had made for herself too! "You have always been like a little sister to my heart! I am so happy over this afternoon in meeting you here, and tell your mother I send her a big hug! I've always loved that smart woman!" Bre waved back at me as she headed out adding "Me too!"  I laughed, for seeing how a good mother/daughter relationship worked was my true gratefulness over the coffee date.
BreAnna's love for pets, for kids and for her family always make our conversations flow naturally and through out those next few years talking over the phone or online made me so very proud to know her again. I have always delighted in seeing kids grow up to be amazing powerful adults in their wisdom and in their stories of this shared life time. This could be why I have such hope for the future a new generations of strength and love could one day create that world peace I believe in so strongly.
    It was a couple of weeks after my mother's stroke, when late into the evening Linda was cooking dinner chatting away with Benny as she give me a wink here and there along with hug and plate of food. BreAnna swung down the stairs sitting right beside me as the four of ladies took in the dinner table talking and trying to avoid all the dark clouds gathering around us, together we laughed, joked and teased each other. Ooooh how it was such a lovely night one that always stays with me when I look back, for Bre and I were good friends by then. I admired her in learning how to care over her mother Linda whose cancer would claim her life after that fun dinner night in those next 6 months. I was also grateful to my best friend Benny who brought me along to sit and visit with Linda after the day at the hospital with my own struggling mother I was thankful for this ladies time. BreAnna half hug me as we sat next to each other at the dinner table sayin' as she did "I bet it's so hard to not be able to help your Mom...." She shot a glance at her own Mother who was smiling kindly at us both. I replied back thoughtfully knowing BreAnna was thinking of this sudden news over her own mother's suffering ahead. "It is," I replied pausing to think carefully how deeply sad I felt inside. I half smiled back at them all watching me carefully explaining "I have learned to take a deep breath before entering through those hospital doors then step outside in the rose garden or that sunny sidewalk just as soon as I can to keep my strength up or my smile strong...I will always choose hope over anything else those doctors say!" Benny nodded in agreement "I know that feeling exactly with my own Father...." I chimed back "THAT is why friends are so very important in being stuck at the hospital all day if you call and ask they will come take ya out for lunch or coffee to remind ya there is hope and life out there. I liked doing that for Benny over the years." Benny leaned her head towards me as we all passed the food around while Linda eat slowly watching over the three of us young ladies as we shared our sad experiences then she said "I wouldn't choose to fight this cancer if I didn't love my family more then myself. Because hospitals are horrible places and ya can never relax in them." We all agreed and nodded on with that soft glowing light in the kitchen as the conversations rolled through so many levels and layers of topics both deep and thoughtful as I delighted in silently listening to the common sense Linda and Benny shared. I felt the importance of hope, cheerfulness and joy come through all 4 of us into that late night. BreAnna shared some of her witty comebacks as we all laughed while leaving and I thought about how much stronger I felt being surrounded by those lovely ladies.
         On that cold winter's morning when BreAnna called me I had thought it was going to be just another chit chat about what has been going on in our lives like always. "Hey Girl, Good morning." I started as BreAnna sounded like she had been up for awhile I began to wonder as she explained "Hey Debby I just have some sad news to tell ya, my mom died early this morning" I froze in understanding and in shock because I had been planning on seeing Linda when I was back in Caldwell again real soon. I took a deep breath in my reply "I'm sorry so sorry Dear Lady, YOU are the joy and the pride of her life! For you to be there for her in these last days and in being so wise beyond your years, I'm in AWE of  YOU! Also I know for a fact that she loved you very much and you should be so proud of who you are today!" 
BreAnna and I were meant to always keep in touch here and there.
We are good for each other in bouncing back and forth some of life's biggest questions.
 She is someone I really look forward in talking to!
      "What is wrong with me? I don't want to see anyone I know right now yet I need to share about Benny all at the same time and I can't go home either?!?" BreAnna calmly explained over the phone as I walked through Nampa last year on the day Benny died. "Because if you go home then it all becomes real, you have to face that your best friend is now gone forever."  I giggled as I listened wiping freshly silent tears from my cheeks at the common sense of it all, I hadn't figured it out yet and she was exactly right! "I sure do love ya BreAnna girl! Thanks for talking me through this, I feel so much better now knowing why I am feeling this way." Bre added as we ended the call "You can call me at any time this kind of grief flares up at random times and if it's any help for right now You will learn more how to live with it better in time." I sat awhile in awe of how talking with a friend was so good for me to know what to do next!

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