Gin and Me

I truly love drinking GIN, for it's soft and sweet added to other beverages. It's so refreshing and easy to drink. Over the last month I've increased my gin intake more then ever before.....I am not exactly sure why, now I am carrying around a long list of worries, sudden changes and all these emotions. Usually I don't ever let myself over drink, right now I am trying to avoid thinking so much, so deeply about things. Naturally when avoiding life as it moves us forward isn't the best mind set when drinking. I have step back from the bottle to wonder why I feel so helpless? When it comes to this list of moving next month, of worrying over my dogs, of worrying over my surviving mother. She is the main reason I cry lately more now that things have this new normal but I know will NEVER be normal again. I should stay focused on all she can do right now. But deep down after the gin floods me the tears start falling. I see her helpless in the hospital bed again and again.  Facing things currently changing in my life, like how we are moving next door for a couple of years as Tony starts law school and I can stay close caring over my other neighbor Bernice. I know that this is how life goes, changing, and new. I have the strength in me to face it all. I can see the beauty in everything confusing as it unfolds right now. Then there are times when this feeling over comes me of NOT wanting to think or worry about any of it all. That's when gin and I have a good long cry.....(Now I know it will all work out in the end, but it's a unknown journey to my soul figuring out why suddenly I am walking upside down along side gin) The world isn't black and white, I may take years to heal in the lost of who my mother was and is now. Healing from the fact my family members are so different and I have a history with them that brings me to where I am now. Inside of who I am, I know there is this deeply beautiful focused on the magical world around me, I am stronger then the worries or fears in these changes. I know it's just another lesson in life for me to learn. AND I will be more careful of how much Gin I take in as I face it:-}