Remembering to say Goodbye

                   On the morning of Linda's funeral I was filled with such sadness and weariness. It was going to take some mental awareness and strong support within myself to go see the faces of my past, of my younger life. I had always loved Linda and her husband Norman for their sweet kindness, their many memories and good conversations. When I had moved out of Caldwell I saw them less and less until I wasn't sure even where their new home was. But back in those days of getting ready for my wedding they happily set in as my parents for the ceremony. They were the kind of friends and parents that anyone could be so proud to have and even though I was just "borrowing" them, they treated me like one of their own to this day I will be honored and blessed for it. My best friend Benny arrived that late morning to attend this sad goodbye event and I was honored to be able to sit with her. We have always stayed close, and Her friendship with Linda was one I felt happy to be apart of! For I loved to listen to them chat back and forth or share the depths of their hearts. I somehow was realizing it was honor to be in their company again after all these years as Linda was the mothering sweet soul most of us didn't get from our own homes growing up. Her fight with cancer took me by such surprise, I really struggled in being forced to let her go and not keep picturing her at the kitchen table with some home made foods. In my memory I treasure it all, everything she ever said to me as I was a young hot headed woman jaded by religion, by family and even some of my friends. If I cried Linda would hugged me and if I shouted she would nod with a calm understanding smile. If I complained or vented she would share what she noticed, what she thought and how it was all connected. I like looking back in time when I can see her and be there again. During the viewing I stood there thinking to myself  "She isn't here, I am still looking for her." As I touched her cold hand for a quick second and thought once again "It's not her, this isn't right she should be here."  I think it's important to realize this or else being laid to rest would not be so restful for us still living. We would cling to our human bodies that house our life force, our soul, in such unhealthy ways. It is meant to be like this as I paid my respects, thinking that as our bodies lay silent once we leave them, we are truly gone. It is meant to be the best way to let go..... I know Linda loved her family and will be surrounding them forever in her spirit and I also know that I am honored to have had such a friend like her!