Growing up in my family was just one adventure after another, I had both great moments of pure happiness and wonderful memories followed by equally crazy horrible drama. My parents were young when I was born, My mother said I interrupted their honeymoon time. She would say the first year of marriage is the most important because you need that time to get settled before starting a new family. So after I was born a month later my parents celebrated their first year married....Oooops!
I know that my Father didn't sleep the first night I was home, he said as an infant I would stop breathing suddenly and he would shoot awake in alarm. But most infants do that funny breathing the first few days alive. How cute to picture my father picking me up in the middle of the night unable to actually relax he laid me on his chest so that when I stopped breathing he would know....He said it was such a long night for him. When my mom over heard him telling me this story she snorted and laughed "He was so worried and I kept telling him there was nothing to worry about." She rolled her eyes and Dad laughed saying "All I can say is that on the next night you were sleeping in your own bed after that!" I wondered later if my mother was jealous of me for that devotion from my father? For all the years of wanting to know this woman, I realize jealousy was her main struggle through out her whole life. Most of her grudges come from that one moment when she saw things go down through her own eyes and felt hurt or left out. Maybe my father kept his distance after awhile realizing his wife didn't want to be left out or over looked by her own children. I also think Dad's short temper and my Mom's high standards were just waiting to exploded.
"Dinner is ready!" our mother called from the kitchen as my sister Dana and my brother Derek shot up from whatever we were doing in our bedroom. The race was on! I shoved Derek back as I ran passed him but he tripped me as Dana bulldozed over the both of us. The crashing, the banging and the yelling had begun. The Battle was very clear, the chaos was created simply from our fear of our father. Terrified of him was the soul purpose of us kicking and biting each other to get to the dinner table first. Our mom would always have to calm us down "Stop! You guys need to wash your hands first, DEBBY! did you just kick your sister?! Was that very nice to do?" I clung to the chair feeling guilty having been caught. Then there was the arguments of all three kids "Dana pushed me into the door knob!" I cried, Derek shouted "Debby shoved me! and Dana kicked me!" Dana splashed her wet hands into his face and darted over to mom as she set down the dinner plates. "MOMMMMY, It's Derek turn to sit in that chair." Mom nodded and sighed "You guys are driving me crazy! Calm down and sit down...Your Father will be home soon." Dead silence. We saw him parking his farm pick-up and walking in. Dread and sadness flooded us as we stop fighting crazily, I was so relieved to get a chair next to my mom at the table. Dana smirked at Derek as she took the chair facing me.
Our mother wanted family dinner time to always be at the table, she would set it up early before our father could turn on the TV. His boots walked across the hallway as a warning to us all that HE has entered his home. Derek seemed to go white and pale as he tried to tell mom it wasn't his turn to sit next to Dad. The Table setup was Dad at the head and mom at the foot always. There were 2 chairs on each side of our mother then the one alone chair by the right hand side of our father. THIS CHAIR was hated, was avoided by fighting and kicking and arguing. "Your children have been fighting with each other." Mother said this as she set the basket of bread rolls on the table. Father boomed "Well then everyone can join me after lunch to pull brush." Mom smiled and sat down. While we all took hands and prayed, Dad looked around the table then picked Derek to pray over our dinner. Now Derek was holding Dad's hand and Dana reach out to take his other hand but I was so luckily to be holding my mom's hand and my brothers instead. Derek sounded nervous as he spoke, I was thinking to myself that I would be too. While we served up the dishes, Dad complained about the things he had to do on the farm. He would snap to when I started laughing with bread in my mouth "Close your mouth when eating!" I nodded quickly and swallowed. Then almost with out warning the smack sound of his hand hitting Derek behind the head. "Del" My Mom would warn looking annoyed. Derek had used his fingers to catch his food following from his fork while trying to hide this by stuffing his mouth fast...But not fast enough. THIS WHY we hated that chair at the table, If you got in trouble dad would yell at you but if you sat next to him he would smack the back of your head at the very moment you were swallowing. Dana once spit out her food when he hit her in the back the head because she was choking, He was enraged and she was sent to her room with no more food. He would shout "That was discussing! Go to your room!" Now Derek got hit just as much as us girls at the dinner table if not maybe even more for Dana and I would throw him under the bus every chance we got. Sitting on the right hand of our father was the HOT SEAT, If you made a mistake and he saw you then Wham! Your head would fly forwards and tears would blind you as you tried so hard not to cry. Dad hit from his right hand first then say "Don't talk with your mouth full." But if you sat next to mom you weren't hit first. After Derek was hit he would sit trying so hard not to cry, Then Dad would snap back "Dry it up, finish your plate." Once Derek couldn't eat his food a bowl of soup with sausage, he sat there all the rest of the night unable not to puke if he took another bite so as punishment he had to go straight to bed. Then the next morning while Dana and I ate pancakes and bacon, he had that same bowl from dinner in front of him. By the time dinner came around again he sat there with the same bowl of soup he couldn't eat. "You have be pretty stupid not to just eat that and get it over with." Dad said to him. By this time I felt really bad for Derek, though he figure out a system of one bite followed by a piece of bread then half glass of milk. He made it, he finished it on the second night. That was the longest time food followed him around as punishment. When it came to our table manners, or to just eating the foods we don't like. Nothing could really motivate you like avoiding being hit or yelled at. My love for breakfast foods helped me not get stuck by a following bowl of baked beans. Often that 3rd chair got pushed over to the chair next to it as we sat trying to be as close to our mother as possible. Mom would notice this and chuckle saying to her one of her lady friends "My kids always want to sit by me all the time, It is really sweet." I would over hear this with a chuckle of my own.
Dana passed me a cigarette and I lit it. I breath in deeply feeling the warm smoke fill my lungs and relax my nerves. I passed her a beer and we sat there looking out over my apartment's back yard. Here we sat now in our early 20s, as the soft rain came down around us. "Do you remember fighting to the death over not sitting in that 3rd chair at the dinner table all those years?" Dana let out such a hearty laugh and replied "Shhhhit!" I giggled and said "That was so fucked up!" We laughed. Dana said "I almost always got a chair by mom, I was always lying about whose turn it was to sit were! hahahahahaha You and Derek were always such suckers!" I couldn't stop laughing now through the calming smoke and the sweet taste of beer. "HELL NO! We weren't suckers we were just as scared of YOU as we were of Dad! If you lost then you were so pissed off the rest of the day at us! hahahahahaha." Dana stop laughing so hard with me to say what I always remembered "We were all in it together, and so alone at the same time." I felt the moment was healing for me to sit next to my sister and pat her knee. "We aren't alone anymore." Dana clinked my bottle in agreement while we suddenly became quiet.
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