I had arrived home after working all day on my 20th birthday. The year was 1999, For it had been such a happy day at work while my Boss Larry and his wife Debbie took me out for a special birthday lunch and also gave me a raise. Naturally I was thrilled, I felt like my life was on the move towards change. Yet with my growing confidence I still suffered from doubt and fear. Now in this memory, I ran into the kitchen and swung up in the air my baby brothers Daren who was 6 years old and Dougie who was 4 years old. My big fatty birthday cake sat out on the kitchen island counter. "Oh Yummy! Angel food cake...Do we have whipped cream?" I asked as the boys gave me drawn picture cards for my birthday. My Mother had just finished washing and cutting the fresh strawberries. She nodded and then said "We are having baked beans for dinner." I froze. "WHAT?" I asked as I set down one of the boys from my arms so I could go over and look into the big pot on the stove. "Why? why did you make Baked BEANS ?" I asked all sad and hurt to see the only meal I couldn't stomach boiling up at me. The aroma alone made me gag and drop the pot's lid back down. I had not yet been 2 years old when I was forced to eat those traditional baked beans with rubbery bacon floating about in this syrupy brown sweet liquid. the skins of the beans caught in my throat, the sandy grit in my teeth cause a knee jerk reaction to simply puke. But when I did throw up I got spanked, Sooo NOW I have the stomach of a rhino. When Mom set a deep dish bowl in front of me of those hated beans. I asked "I can't believe this...?" She smiled down at me and said "You have to eat all your dinner if you want any dessert." For 20 years she has been saying that line now I laughed out loud while shaking my head. "You have got to be kidding!" She giggled as she walked away then replied "Nope I am not." I was bewildered and yet I sat there for 2 full hours trying to swallow the only dish my Mother made that I could not eat. For all those years growing up I was sent to my room with no dessert because I could not finish my baked beans. The belt, the frowns and the lack of dessert couldn't get me to actually eat my baked beans. If I did then I had to fight so hard not to vomit everything back up. At age 20 I was still laughing as I ate my baked beans, "This is really crazy!" I said to my Mother as she sat down next to me giggling again "When you were a baby you never ate the beans I gave you, then I thought you were just being defiant. Now you know better and can change your mind on whether you will eat these." I wasn't so sure if it was that easy. How odd I thought sitting at the table later all alone and frustrated over my bowl of beans. How odd that I am here again exactly like when I was 10? How totally silly I feel right now.., The last bite of beans took 2 hours and maybe 10 minuets. I tried to act like nothing hurt yet I made a mad dash to my own cottage bathroom. After that moment I knew with out a doubt that my body rejects baked beans with floating bacon....not my mind.
When I went to tuck in my brothers for bed, Mom had fixed me a slice of cake and strawberries as she gave it to me while I was walking by, I had to put up my hand and say "No please I can't look at any food right now." Mom was confused for I had been really excited for the cake at first. I just stated "I will never eat baked beans again!" then she laughed while I just shook my head.
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