It was just another shopping day as a small kid I followed my mom and grandma through the Karcher mall in Nampa Idaho, when suddenly I saw above me a restaurant on the second floor. The arch ways showed people eating looking down at the passing shoppers. "I want to go up there!" I exclaimed. I was amazed by the glow of the candles from the tables and one young man waved at me as I pointed. Grandma Norma smiled at me saying "When you turn 13 years old I will take you there for lunch on your birthday." I counted on my hand, that would be 7 more years. I thought it was forever away and yet I reminded Grandma ever time we passed underneath the restaurant that one day I will eat there. She always nodded and smiled saying she was impressed I could remember. Little did anyone ever realize just how well I can remember!
January is a cold month to have a birthday, though now I am very proud of being an Aquarius. When Grandma took me to lunch on my 13th birthday it was snowy outside and I couldn't believe that day had finally arrived. We got a table for 2 overlooking the mall. I starred in awe and no doubt had my mouth hanging wide open. "The people look small from up here!" I exclaimed while our server laughed having over heard me. Grandma patted my seat for me to actually sit down. She explained "Debby dear we are in a nice fancy place for lunch, you can't hang on the railing to watch people. You need to put this napkin in your lap like this." I laughed at my Grandma holding the cloth napkin up to her "This isn't a napkin! It's a hanker chef!' Our server laugh again as she pour our water glasses. I felt suddenly shy, suddenly aware of the people around me. Grandma's lips were pinched tight that show she wasn't amused by my loud talking. I began to think to myself "Am I not a kid anymore being 13?" I loved my table candle, I loved my decorative food and I loved finally getting to see what it is like up here after all these years of shopping below. Grandma began step by step in how good table manners were kept, how to say please and thank you. She took the time to explain softly how we should talk quietly and politely. By the end of the meal I was truly amazed at how good the food was and how special I really felt. I smiled at our lady server saying "Thank you for a memory I will never forget!" She laughed again and said to my Grandma "You have the makings of a true young lady there." Then I giggled into my cloth napkin or hand towel or whatever it was for I only knew of paper napkins.
While Grandma and I walked the long hall way of the mall, going in and out of shops. She asked me "Did you like that restaurant?" I nodded "Oh yes! Why it was so fancy and so nice!" She nodded continuing "Well now that you are a young lady, Then we could eat out like that for your birthday every year! I will take you to some of my most favorite places to eat!" She giggled and I smiled. As we drove home Grandma asked me if being 13 is hard on my relationship to my parents. She said being a teenager now days was very tough. I just shrugged thinking about how I didn't want to be going home yet anyways. "Mom still talks about having another baby." Grandma snorted and shook her head disapprovingly "Well give her time, she will come back around to enjoying being around you again." I shrugged again thinking my mother didn't have much more time if she wanted another baby. "And I am just terrified of my dad, so really nothing has changed yet for being 13." I reasoned but Grandma's face turned into a deep understanding. I had seen the way my father yelled at her and knew she was just as afraid of him. Though I talked in complete honesty and trust, I began to ask myself important questions about my parents. Grandma didn't waste any time in telling my mother, her own daughter that I said I was terrified of my dad. I hope Grandma thought she was helping, that she too was worried about her short tempered son-in-law. Instead I felt instantly betrayed when my mother came into my room shouting at me and then crying. Mom said she was so ashamed of me in my disrespect to the family. She said I made her look stupid in front of her own mother. How dare I even say such things and try to make my father look like a monster. I was completely bewildered by the whole scene and suddenly my whole world of honesty shifted and I felt like I could never really open up in my true feelings with Grandma ever again. I had been thrown under the bus, ran over like a car by my own words of my 13th year of concerns. I remembered the very moment I said it out loud, that my Father was the scariest man I knew. I had thought to myself "Finally I can tell someone how much I avoid him, how much he yells and throws things, how trapped I feel around him." I was happy and relieved to chat with my Grandma about everything. Only to have the very next day my own mother scare me to death! At the age of 13 my family was under pressure, under stress and under such anger. I some how was just waking up to it all, some how I was trying to put it all into words, with feeling my emotions and sharing my thoughts to some one I could trust. The very next month the up stairs restaurant in the mall was closed for good. And with it my very first glimpse into my future adult life, where napkins are cloth and candle light still fascinates me. Where now my Husband says "I am so proud of you Babe." as our server smiles saying "You two are really so cute!"
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