The Secret Place

There is a place I love to go, where I dance or I lay under the sky looking straight up into the night. I see the stars and tree branches,  I feel the rain and the wind. It is a secret place in my own backyard where I wonder how did I get so lucky to live here. I was listening to the radio where the woman was talking about having her own paradise place, and how they had to work so hard to get such a home only to loose it when this economy went belly up. Then she realized it was her attitude that could make her situation better or worse. Now she blooms where she is planted and I thought the same for my home. It isn't everyone's dream home but I LOVE IT.....I like to look in from outside while walking the dogs and see candles burning, fresh flower vases and bird feeders. We all need a secret place of wonder and love...full of magical things like fire flies and soft green grass! Last night when I laid back looking up at the stars I had a cat and 2 dogs join me as we relaxed and felt together in that moment. I know I have been sad lately, I know I have been processing so many things in these last several weeks.......but I have a secret place that always brings me back to myself, to my inner hope where this strength and joy comes from.

Goodbyes still live on...

It was towards the end of April this past spring that my mother took me to visit her Aunt in the nursing home in Caldwell Idaho. My father-in-law still lives in Caldwell and his wife Teresa invited me to help her setup the gardens and let our dogs play together once or twice a week. I was in the middle of getting ready to move, dog-sitting and really wanting to garden. So it was a wonderful spring to help out my second mother-in-law Teresa. When I was house sitting in Caldwell for a week then I was able to see my great aunt several times. What I loved about seeing her was how spunky she was! Great Aunt Mary Evelyn was almost 88 years old and lost the control of her legs, in the nursing home she had pictures of the Oregon Coast and places she had lived there. As a mother of almost a dozen kids, she lived a very tough life without the support of her spouse. I grew up on the farm where she came by every week to see her brothers and visit. She also loved gardening and playing the piano. In fact she gave piano lessons in the small town of Homedale. I didn't stick to those piano lessons because I noticed when my mother took my siblings to their piano lessons to see Aunt Mary Evelyn, the whole house was quite and I got to just be there in the peacefulness. Mary Evelyn told me memories and stories when I visited with her this past spring and early summer in her nursing home bedroom. I would go and sit with her for the afternoon laughing and chatting, she loved all my flowers and we talked so much about gardening, for she knew everything about it! I also was struck by how much she looked like her brother my Grandpa Ansel, they had the same chin line, nose and eyes. I would help rub her feet while we talked about the news or the beauty of the ocean. When she would cry I would hug her and cry too.....seeing my aunt come to the end of her life was both sad and peaceful as she said that she had lived a rich full life. It always made me chuckle or smile at Mary Evelyn's clever comments about the people around her or how she liked her privacy. On those afternoons when we talked about my Grandpa and her, or about the orchard farm and of where the family is now.....I thought to myself that we never really say Goodbye when these people who have gone, are still remembered!

It was a warm early summer afternoon as I slipped into Aunt Mary Evelyn's room to instantly feel death was there.... I know death becomes I have seen it face to face as it claims the souls of the people I love often......Once again it was here in her room, hoovering over her bed like a shadow. I felt instantly shaky, I took her hand and watched her breathing heavily. I whispered "Sleep well my dear." then silent tears slid down my cheeks. I stared a long moment at the blank wall thinking of how GRIM stood there, he wasn't being mean. He just came to claim her soul and move on into the next world. I was shaking because I was so sad but I was also wondering why did I feel it was very important to see her that day? When the nurse told me that Mary Evelyn might not live to the weekend I really cried on the way home. Death comes to us in many ways, sometimes it is nice to have someone hold our hand as we leave on that journey.....

The Weeping Willow

The road was normal, wide open and clear as I drove along in my car with the 2 dogs in the backseat. I felt confused by the sudden change in weather as it went from sunshine to gray instantly and snow covered my windshield. I griped the steering wheel as it felt like the car was driving faster, I moved my foot around quickly to find the brakes but then I noticed the oncoming traffic was doing the same thing as the other cars slid and spine out of control in front of me! I wanted to scream but instead I swung right then left sliding all over the road too just seconds in missing the other cars, there was glossy ice EVERY WHERE?!? I looked to my left the drop off was steep with broken trees in a racing river, then I looked to my right as it looked like the ocean but it had frozen over into loose ice banks. I wondered if this was where I had come to died, but I kept driving fast and steadily. At one point I put my hand up to stop a big red car from slamming into me as the shadowy sky lead me through this chaos to a willow tree. A huge tree with big raised roots that saved my car wheels from floating out into the ocean, it saved me. I got out of my car shocked over all those cars flying around but they never actually crashed into me! "What IS happening?" I asked out loud as I noticed a hippy rainbow van full of kind looking people that had been already parked there under that huge tree. The hairy old man hugged me saying "You are safe now, you made it!" I wiped tears from my cheeks with the back of my long sleeve, He looked out over the sudden empty earth in front of us saying "You are the only who survived it, though." I felt instantly scared to death in realizing the only ones alive now where under that willow tree with me. And I woke up with a start this morning and sad over how real that dream actually was to me.......So what could it mean?

Mums The Word

It is every where in grocery stores, it is that time of the year again......FALL comes to us in such colors as this flower. MUMS, they are such a vibrant hardly flower for the changing weather and cozy season. I always have my mums next to pumpkins as I staged my home for the harvest colors. What I love about mums is that they are full of blooms and gives us color when everything else begins to pale away. Each visit to the store I notice my eyes are drawn into the baskets of mums and fall decor. I think that is the same reason I love marigolds so much for they hold such bright full color into winter! Since I have some new room to decorate this year....I have MANY ideas and plans for my home in these approaching holidays, It is what gets me up excitedly every morning! I have ripening pears, weeds to pull and a lawn to mow among all my creativity and homemaking passions. I am hoping to setup my garden really good for next spring as all my peppers and squashes have been harvest. My mums while decorating this cottage help fill the hours with a sense of a new season, a new list of activities and a true beauty to behold!

Pear Butter

It was such a fun event learning to make Pear butter with my second Mother-in-law Teresa. I have this very big and full pear tree in the center of my backyard that we needed to do something with all those fruits! We cooked 2 batches of pear butter all day long with lattes and lunch, with radio programs and our shaking the tree for the ripest pears to use. We had such a wonderful time and I learned so much! The nice thing about our ripe tasty pears is that we didn't add any sugar to the canning process. We added freshly grated nutmeg,zest from a lemon and orange, then slow cook the juices down to a very thick texture. My house smelled like the fall season for the rest of the weekend! I am now thinking up ideas for even more pears, but there is nothing as good as pear butter! I really need to make some more......

The Pop-in

When it comes to the "Pop-in" no one did this more that I know of then my own mother. It's an old school style of visiting neighbors and friends....that really now with email or cell phones visiting or going to see someone is much faster or easily planned. I do remember all the caught by surprise looks friends or family gave us when we stood at their front step to hang out at their house for the day. Even though I was just a kid I got the feeling at times our "Pop-in" wasn't really welcomed. I had to figure out my own rules on the pop-ins and what other people preferred once I grew up. Some friends like a text message tat I am on my way or others just call when they arrived in my driveway. With our modern technology nowdays socializing has never been made so easy! (AS long as we are willing to leave the technology alone long enough for a visit one to one) My Mother use to come into town and call me saying she is here and I can meet up with her right then. It got a bit stressful or frustrating if I already had other plans. Although the few times she just pop-in to my home, I usually was still in my house coat drinking coffee trying to explain nicely to her that I do not EVER go shopping on the weekends. Maybe it was the crowds or that weekend time was when I saw my hubby but in the last 10 years it is a rare weird day if I am shopping on the weekend. Although I did go shopping with my mom on her pop-in the last time she was in town. We actually had a fun time with her big sale coupons, in many ways it wasn't for me that I went...it was that now I have those good memories of her and I trying on the same clothes in the same fitting room and laughing! THAT was a pop-in by her to which I will enjoy.....This morning when my father called to say they wanted to pop over I was THRILLED and excitedly setup a tea cup set with ripe sweet freshly sliced pears. Mom sat in her wheel chair on our patio and we visited....I was sad to see her leave back to the hospital. I just want to give my Momma even more flowers and gardens to enjoy! I realized her way of "Popping-in" has changed, and it was truly sweet to have her in my home for a little while...

A Book Review "Katz on Dogs" by Jon Katz

This is a book full of thoughtful dog issues and situations, the importance of how society functions around our four legged friends. How easily dogs are misunderstood.....or worse neglected. I love how Jon addresses normal family situations with a energized dog or the lack of attention that creates social problems. When dogs come to our homes it is often surprising how little we the owner know about our pet's needs and when we put our own emotional spin to the dog's actions we can truly mess up the relationship. I like how Jon writes in this cute titled book "Katz on Dogs" his approach is honest and humbling. I like how he helps people with their dogs in this book. I also like how he knows some people won't take his advice and he lets that go without trying to save the dog from an unhappy situation. Although he writes about how hard it is to see dogs be mistreated or struggle, he also knows how owners have to learn the hard way at times about who their dog is.....I use this book often but I am far from a dog training guru. I have had my mini-schnauzer Oscar for 5 years now and when he chase my neighbor's backyard chickens a couple of weeks ago I was applauded at how Oscar didn't listen to me, at how he raced around trying to eat a chicken!!! There are moments when we are embarrassed or humbled by our dog's actions.....where for myself, that I realized my dog training never ends as long as I don't become a lazy pet owner.  Thankgoodness my neighbor was understanding and no chickens actually died by terror of silly drama queen Oscar. So I am planning on re-reading this book on training over and over again because it is good to keep focus and live happily ever after with our dogs!