I love singing, I love music as I have mentioned before....
Yet it's the singing that helps me focus my feelings, my emotions and my story in living.
I love the radio playing while I am driving yet lately I have had it turned off because it was playing a sad song when I had my panic attack recently....
I thought I had the psychological steps down in handling my panic attacks for they had lessen and I felt more in control then as the music played, as a few days after my big family BBQ I was hit by such powerful painful grief and fear.
I had never experienced anything like this before......
In this anxiety attack, emotional outburst and panicking I had no warning it was coming upon me until I slid through a red light intersection with cars slamming on their brakes and swinging around me as I realized I had been somewhere else completely.
Shaking, sobbing and surrendering to the fact that the older I get the less I understand about the emotional world.
Connecting to the world around me as it is not as it once was helps me stay steady.
Seeing my counselors, doing evaluation tests and practicing coping skills has been filling my days right now in trying to live a safer life.
I love singing out loud in the safe place of my home, if I cry or if I write I feel like it all makes sense somehow.....yet when I go out into society I realize it's not always easy.
That's why I sing while I shop too, self soothing is just as important as connecting.
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