Carefree youth

I will always be grateful that I was raised in the country side, that I was the oldest in watching over everyone. 
When people say "The carefree days of youth." I do not know what they are talking about.
I was always caring.
I was always cleaning and cooking and helping my mother.
I was thinking the other day that I am still doing those things exactly as when I was 10 years, so now for 30 years.
 I am not sure what carefree truly feels like even though I have tried yoga, meditations and massages. 
My husband took me to the hot spring for my 40th birthday, it's like a spa surrounded by mountains and on my birthday even snow.
I would catch that freezing cold winter wind when getting out of the hot mineral water.
 Relaxing is something my husband taught me how to do, for it doesn't come natural for me.
I can't leave my home without all the chores done, all the appliances put away and turned off completely for safety of my pets while I am gone, for the laundry can't pile up and I circle each and every room before I ever leave my home, I kiss each pet and tell them how long I should be.....
I was always responsible for someone else, my pets fit naturally into my life. Yet while soaking for my birthday I realized how hard it is for me to be carefree, I am always caring and worrying....
Perhaps being 40 is for more fun?
I am in awe of all the beauty on this earth, in awe of all the people I have in my life who are there for me and I am in such joy for the possibilities the future can still hold.  
It's even more important as we grow older to be wiser in what we do with our time, I am left in awe over it all........