Happy Birthday Brother

        I would often say "Wait a minuet....You did WHAT?" to my brother Derek.

He would grin back at me knowing already what I was going to say next. He would have that look of "Yup, that's my big sister, having her questions and concerns."

I would often warn him about the whole buddy system when heading out into the wild. I would constantly share everything I knew about safety first and he would always match me word for word in already knowing the risks. He would have that spark in his eye at the fun of watching me freak out for a bit. I can still remember feeling like one day he will die in the mountains........

I was never ready for such a loss in my life but I had a few thoughts of how my "mountain man" (as I called him that all the time) would one day go out into the beauty of this earth and never be seen again.

Last year I was up crying through the night in all my grief of such a severe loss for my life, it was the eve of his first birthday gone from this world.....

....and the year before that we had gone out to sushi in celebrating his 34th year. 

My memories of us laughing, of us teasing Tony or sharing our childhood memories. Derek always told good stories, we spent that night of all you can eat sushi chatting up storm of politics, of new movies we had seen and our favorite TV series. I told him how his Christmas gift had finally made sense to me in the whole world of chrome casting and he giggled happily at me. That night as I watched my brother Derek help my husband Tony find a seat while waiting for me to catch back up to them, they looked like such good friends walking side by side that I took a mental picture. That I was truly happy to us get together like that! I even said "Next year we should not eat anything all day so we can order more sushi!" The guys looked at me in surprise as they both replied "I did do that." I laughed on as Derek half hug me leaning in with his usual clever smile "See Deb, Tony and I know how to prepare for an all you can eat place."

Last year was the first year, so this is now the 2nd and I still can lay on the floor to cry........

No matter the years ahead for on this day, my brother's birthday I will mourn. and I will remember him!

I will remember how nice he looked walking casually down the street waving goodbye on that nice June night.

Happy Birthday Brother! I will always miss you!