Every day feels like it has been a go, go, go situation. I have been accomplishing and finishing up all my plans and all my projects.
At the same time I have been thinking a lot about my sister, born under the stars of the bull her personality has been spot on with the description of a Taurus sign.
From birth we struggled with each other, our mother often pinned us against each other too, saying it wasn't fair that everyone like me but didn't like Dana. This was the foundation of our sisterhood that struggled in every breath, in every way. An Aquarius is warned to stay away from a Taurus. So now I realize the stack was against us from the very start!
How profound to realize after almost 40 years of stressful communication, of completely different opinions and of both strong willed stubborn personalities in the opposite direction made us always keep each other at arms length.
Sometimes I would boldly say something to my sister and sometimes she would boldly say something to me....we were only kinda friends when we lived together.
Sometimes she wouldn't listen to me unless I use her exact language and became very tough with her and sometimes she would feel bad if I burst into tears so we had moments of being in each other's worlds then once against almost instantly it was like we lived on 2 didn't islands from each other!
To say our sisterhood was a yo-yo is putting it nicely, If ever I challenged her while we were growing up I got hurt, she didn't just bulldoze over me, she took me DOWN. I would learn to surrender quickly in the sudden pain she could give....for she didn't like to be challenged.
In choking head locks and in bruises I realize it took a certain kind of stupidity or courage to face her head on!
She will always be the Taurus, the bull.
When she chased my husband around the kitchen with a cake knife, he was very startled as her little kids were making noise and as we were all coming together I laughed at her theatrics and thought nothing of it until my husband said he was very afraid of my sister and I explain "It's all for show, I mean I think it is....well ya know... just try not to pick a fight with her if ya can."
I began to realize that's how I lived through my whole childhood trying not to pick a fight and knowing all to well that whenever I did stand up for myself I would get beaten up for sure.
The years have gone by now, time has aged us all. So I think as tough as my sister will always be, I can still appreciate her in my life.
For there are now real sad things we have in common.
We both loved our brother Derek.
We both suffer greatly with him gone, that little kid we would pick on and tease growing up side by side all the time and knowing full well how he was our parents most favorite child. Dana was the first to tell Derek when we were teenagers that Mom and Dad loved him more then us girls, he was a bit surprised and then nodded back at us with a proud smile and a wink. (In Christianity the men are far more important then the women it's simple sad fact for us girls who were always paying attention) While my sister tried so hard to be a boy, to be as tough as she can in proving to our parents that she was a strong smart women making up for not being another son to them, I simply sighed helplessly as I watched her struggle on. Our friendship with Derek was our common ground, the only way to get us both in the same room actually was when ever Derek asked us to come together for him. We loved our brother so much for in our 30's we saw the importance of family time. Especially after the days in the hospital almost 7 years ago when my sister Dana said "Thank God Derek is here now maybe Dad will start to listen to someone." Once our father started to take notice of Dana again she became his guard dog and real life bull in his favor in everything, I had to step aside to not get run over down the dark hallways of the hospitals as our mother struggled back to life. I often wondered how I could make my friendship stick with my sister and then it came to me "She is a Taurus, the stars are against us."
I will always love her, I will always try to understand her and I will always bring forth the water so that she can drink then I will watch her storm away with her horns out and dust flyin from all around her as she gets on the move!
She is the true bull in my life that has taught me so much!
The good things to come from these days of the bull is that everything gets done, everything is completed.
That and I have been thinking so much about my sister, these have been her days of the year....for her new home, for her birthday and for her mother's day, I can try to reach out in hopes to keep a connection that is very weak from our different ways in handling the recovery of our mother.
I can hope for the best always, and know that it's alright how dramatically different we are from each other.
Our brother Derek LOVED teasing us and saying "You guys are basically the same person." "You are so much alike." "You sisters of mine are exactly the same." and "You both have everything in common." then he looked so sternly and so seriously while we choked or reacted in disbelief. Then he would laugh and laugh while we would just shake our heads helplessly at him!
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