Memorial Day Weekend

       As I drove on to Pound Class after watering my garden and caring over my pets on that lovely magical Saturday morning it was moving into the afternoon so quickly that all I had been thinking of was getting to class on time.

I had a cozy clean home with napping cats, and dogs chewing on their treats when I left home everything was so perfect once again.

For my husband Tony was staying at our friend's house across the treasure valley, making sure their little old dog was okay and enjoying the more quiet peaceful home then with our 3 cats and 3 dogs who all panic when I am not home too.

As I drove on in focused on getting to my pound class on time in order to drum away working out to music which was my new favorite thing, I took a deep breath of this lovely day! 

The world looked so beautiful ready for the memorial weekend, ready for the summer to begin! (I was feeling inspired once again to carry my grief and think about good things, things in hope for the soon to arrive summer.)

I suddenly had an image of my husband laying on the floor, I was instantly alarmed as I drove along, so I tried calling him to ease my sudden fear, thinking to myself "Tony needs me."  

So I wondered if I was having a panic attack, trying to tell myself not be so dramatic, Don't be silly. 
Then I simply changed my plans and drove off to go see Tony instead of reaching my class.

I came through the front door quite naturally chatting away "Hey Babe, I tried calling ya...like 20 minuets ago. I was thinking of swinging by the store but didn't know what you wanted for dinner....everything is good back home, pets loved having me with them and the garden looks great. I took Oscar out for a walk so he's happy now too....Hey, where are you?" 
I stopped in the big kitchen realizing Tony wasn't in any of his usual spots so as I rounded the hallway I saw him laying on the bedroom floor..... 
"OH MY GOD!" was all I could exclaim as I race to his side.

It was just like the image in my head that had flashed before me as I drove to Pound class. I had convinced myself I was being silly to worry, to react so quickly to my sudden fear.....
I was in pure panic for a second trying to figure out why in the world he was laying here.

He looked right through me as he struggled to explain "I just can't, I can't believe it. I'm not hurt, I just...I didn't know what to do and you always say the ground is the safest place to be." 
I held my breath in fear of what in the world has happened.....
He began to cry again as he tried to explain to me what was wrong. 
I held my breath as I always do in receiving bad news.
I was right down on the floor beside him, listening carefully and then I asked slowly "What has happened? Did someone die?" 
He nodded a yes.
I hugged him as he explained that his friend's 10 year old boy had a brain aneurysm and now the family was all at the hospital. 
We cried, we hugged each other on the floor and sobbed for our dear friends and their sudden loss.
The whole world looses out when such good happy people die suddenly. I knew what we could do next in being supportive through such hell, such pain of this day one year ago......
I explained to Tony "Let them scream, let them cry for this will never be alright. But we can go be there with our love."

In grief we enter a fog, we hit a solid wall. We can't think as sharply as we had in trying to understand what has just happened.

In grief we are defeated, we are never the same again.

In grief we can embrace an overwhelming love for everyone else around us. We seek new strength, a new idea in how to live again......

So Love your families just as they are, Love them Always!