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Saturday, March 25, 2017

Last Month

             I woke up on February 25, 2017 around 10am and brewed coffee while I cared over all my pets, the sunshine was shockingly bright and beautiful as i opened up the windows!
             I felt such joy in seeing the sun light warming up the cold dark winter world.
For this wonderful sight I was bursting with energy and activities, I was making plans, writing a projects list and chatting it up with my husband about the appoarching Mother's Day with my family coming over like last year, I even talked about Derek helping me again with some great foods to share!
So in all of this warm sunshine coming into my home, I shared this very song on my facebook profile that very morning in my joy of thinking about spring!

Then suddenly in the late afternoon I was laying on the living room screaming my heart out as my husband sat crying at the sudden news that my brother Derek had died.
        I could stop yelling "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOO!"  as I quickly showered and grab the car keys to get out on the farm to see my hurting family as we now faced this saddest day of our lives.

Derek gave us all the kind of support and stability we each needed. He was so good at looking out for everyone, our family never thought he wouldn't be there anymore as he made us laugh whenever we got together! He leaves such a huge hole in our hearts!

Looking back I sure loved growing up with Derek, we sure had many adventures together and now I have many many memories to capture once again, some I had forgotten completely then I laugh to myself!
And I will never get use to talking about him in the pass-tense.
       I don't want a life without my brother Derek in it! I can keep saying "NO!" as I do, I can keep fighting this fact but I know in my heart this is really happening and I am not happy about it at all, I simply hurt all over and it doesn't go away.......This is the story now, it's not how I would write it out, it's not how I would treat everyone in the end of such a family story. 
It's never going to be the same again for any of us, our brother Derek was truly so loved! He will be so missed!

       I can't believe that all of this happened just a month ago today............and here comes the sun again........ 

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