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Thursday, January 1, 2015

Silent Night, Holy Night

All is calm, all is bright......I walked beside my husband's Grandma, for she has always been the sweetest Grandma I have ever met! 
We walked down the hallway to her new room as she sang and smiled at me from her walker.
Back when I knew this day was coming I was getting ready for it, I had my happiest smile waiting for this moment in time, she knows nothing but how be a mirror of who is around her. Alzheimer does this to the brain, eats away memory and reality slowly. Common steps in how society functions around us become very confusing and even insulting to the patient of this sad disease.
Studies are now showing that Alzheimer is a diabetic problem that with old age it gets harder to fight back the constant sugar inflammation, which in return is poisoning the brain slowly.
Nothing seems slow about how fast Grandma Beth disappearing from us, if she remembers you for a second then that is truly delightful but chances are the second will not last.....

Silent night, holy night all is calm, all is lost...... 

My husband has never had a grandparent die nor any close friend as of today, I would not wish him to know that kind of real sorrow and pain. and most importantly I would not be honest in trying to protect him from these things in life. 
It will be sad, actually it is very sad even now to face the simple fact that ALL of life will die, for time never ever stands completely still.

It is because of my personal experiences with death that I understand how deeply important it is for my husband to see his confused kind Grandma right away.
Grandma Beth laughed when I laughed, listened to my stories and shared her own, I listened as though every rambling thing she said made complete and total sense to me. She loved it that I respectfully responded to her craziness as natural as if it were myself telling the same weird story. While my husband Tony sat by us frowning in confusion and frustration. When he spoke I heard the edginess in his voice of being sarcastic and judgmental so I waved him down trying to stop him from speaking this way as instantly Grandma Beth became mad at him. She was suddenly upset and sarcastic right back at him. I would step in very naturally all relaxed reminding Grandma that we women had to stick together then she was giggling arm in arm with me again. This left Tony dumbfounded and overwhelmed saying as soon as we left "I want you to write about this in your blog, I need help in knowing what to do next time I come visit. Because she clearly liked YOU and hated ME?!?!?" I sighed understandingly towards him explaining "Don't take it personal, she really didn't know you or me at all, what she DID know was how my attitude and voice was upbeat and yours was cynical. THIS is the only reason she behaved very differently with you and me."
Tony rubbed his forehead as he often does when overwhelmed by things, we sat over a cup of coffee to take a break from our long afternoon. I said "I am glad we went, I wanted to see her so much. I loved how fun it was to see her surprised face whenever I left and came back, how we would hug as if we were long lost friends even though I was gone for a second. It's rather those little moments that really count, not that she knew me or not."
Tony sighed sadly "I don't know how to do that, all I see is her behaving ridiculously. She must of thought that she had so much company today acting like you were a new person in her life every time you came back to sit with her?!?" I laughed and grateful sipped on my coffee cup while reminding my very easily made cynical husband to not look at the actual facts but instead look at the new story in which we can create for her each and every time. 

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