Search This Blog

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Challenging College

                          It was a late summer evening as I cleaned up the dinner dishes from the table, my parents were still sitting there as I said "Tiffany is coming over tonight for our last midnight walk, just so you guys know." My father snorted back "Your midnight WHAT?!?!?" I chuckled back looking at my mother who knew that we young women were walking at midnight at least once a week all summer long, this was Tiffany's last summer home just before she went off to college. Since she lived just down the road,it was easy for her to drive over for a walk right after dinner when she was free, we had simply walked all over the apple and plum orchards all summer. For in those midnight hours the sky was full of stars with simple quietness of the whole land for miles out that rolled down into the valley below. We walked and talked arm in arm all the way to midnight. My father snorted out again "Tiffany in college that's rather surprising." I frowned back at him as Mom warned him to be nice, since Tiffany was the spitting image of Anne from "Anne of Green Gables" he always rolled his eyes when I spoke of her. I loved her energy, her imagination and delight in being girlie, it was easy to walk side by side knowing one day soon I would have to say goodbye.....
My father turned on me so sharply asking "WHY aren't YOU going to college?!?!?" Mom looked at him horror as she held her baby boy in her lap she hissed "Del......" I replied back in equal sharp wit "Because I don't have thousands of dollars to pay for it." He waved his hand like I was an idiot saying "THEY have student loans, we could even make a deal to help pay half of it for you...if you really want to go." I soften at his sudden suggested, I smiled grateful as Mom looked bewildered by what he had just said as if he went off the parenting pathway she had set for him. I bodily responded as my father waited for me in that "Everything is ridiculous with you." look I had grown so use to. I cleared my throat and explained "Tiffany leaves in the morning so I couldn't apply and get into this same school year, that would be the only reason I would go because I have no idea what to study and what degree to obtain. I also know with my 5.50 an hour job I would have to work 4 or 5 years to pay for one year in college. SO I've come to realized that until I know what I want to be and learn about, I should play it smart and not start out with tons of debt. If you guys paid for half that would be helpful BUT you guys have 2 new babies and hospital bills from them to pay off and I couldn't live with myself if they went hungry so that I can go stay with my friends in that whole college experience." 
My father's face changed into being rather impressed with me as I took the baby from my mother's arms and she chased my father down to chew him out in private. As I happily care for the wee one in my arms I smiled to myself as my parents disappeared into their bedroom for I liked surprising my father with having already thought out his outburst challenge of college.  With Tiffany walking in at that same moment I tossed her the baby and finished my chores, she looked around very uncomfortable asking "Where are you parents? Shouldn't they be doing all of this?" I giggled back making a juice bottle to lay my baby brother down into the play pen and I hollered down the hall "Hey Mom we're going out now, Dougie's drinking his bottle." She came out nodding at Tiffany having clearly been crying and I bolted out like all was normal. Tiffany rush out with me exclaiming "Your home is filled with such, such, such weirdness...." I laughed out loud as I flicked on the flash light explaining back to her "My Dad asked why I wasn't on board with college like you are, Mom came unglued and applauded. They think that I don't know why they disappeared have an argument, I am not worried at all it's normal for them. The only thing I worried about is my little brothers." Tiffany shook her head "Again, they are NOT your kids to worry about, you take on so much for your parents. You need to start thinking about your own future. I am sorry but God has laid it on my heart to tell you these things before I leave. You have your whole life ahead don't get suck in your parents." I giggled uncomfortably at how true she was and how not ready I was in facing this truth.
The moon was brilliant, the air was cool and a faint smell of fall was approaching changed my focus from my family to my dearest beloved friend walking next to me as we entered the magical fruit orchards against the sunset. I ate up all of Tiffany's stories, of her getting ready for college, what her new bedroom in the dorms will look like. all her colors to decorate and all of her interesting classes! 
I was just so excited for her, this was it! She was going into a whole new adventure!
We talked for hours even sitting on the irrigation cement box, under the clear starry night which made my grandparents farm look all silver and shadowy. 
"I shall miss these times! I shall miss the endless miles of fruit trees growing down the hill into that canal of sparkling water with those mountain peaks as a backdrop in God's amazing handy work, Ooooh Debby you do live in such a beautiful place even though I would NEVER exchange my parents for yours!" Tiffany twirled around with her arms out in front of me declaring this as I burst out laughing and smirked right back at her dancing self "Oh..Gee... Thanks!" Tiffany lean on me smiling back explaining "Oh, You know what I mean." I nodded back still giggling in true honesty my parents were hard to understand by ALL of my friends who popped over to my home. We looked up at all the stars for one last moment of quietness then headed back to the car it was midnight now so Tiffany hugged me goodbye saying "I know we will always be friends even if college changes me." I joked back trying not to cry quite yet "I've seen you change many times, it's called growing up I think...." She chuckled at me with a nod then we hugged a couple more times for those long goodbyes we were in the habit of displaying over the years as beloved friends.
When Tiffany grabbed her car keys excitedly waving back "I'm actually going to college!" then she squealed and I cheered her on as she drove away, I stood there watching until I couldn't see the lights of her car anymore realizing my evenings walks just got a little more lonely. A thought hit me suddenly over how I am always the one who stays behind. I am the one who watches so many friends move on but I am clearly not ready to take that next step for my own self.....I am stuck somehow for some reason I can't yet understand.....
(I guess I just needed 4 more years from that starry night to pack my own bags into my new life)

No comments:

Post a Comment