Jesus the Aries

Aries is the sign of a ram bursting forth with new life, Aries is the sign for those born in spring time which makes sense to see the metaphor of the ancient legends and stories behind the zodiac cycling wonders to the very bible stories almost word for word you see the same stories, you realize that religion, the bible and all the zealous followers for such faiths based on Jesus or eternal life match up exactly to the Astrology calendar....and once you know this, once you see the connections just like the matching yearly weather seasons you step back in awe of God or of the pure magic in it ALL!

To see Jesus as an Aries and to notice his personality bursting through the bible like a ram on fire with a passion and the quest for NEW life make me smile and nod, for the bible was written and organized by men, lots of very important rich controlling men whose intelligence had to sneak in the signs of the stars to be even more interesting.....

Women who protest these bible rules will change the future and the whole world in the end.

I grew up knowing all through my life that women played a bigger role in this universe then just what they were "allowed" to do by the church....so I will be watching in awe of what's on the other side of that wall called "Christianity."  If Jesus ends up being a woman this whole time I will laugh out loud and smile even prouder because it's all so messed up out there in what people want their faith to be for them.......

Every day I am learning something new! I love being alive and trying to figure it all out for myself, yet sometimes something old is connected to that something new and I love that "Ah Ha!" feeling, I love that "What in the world?!?" feeling too! I would have to say my favorite moment is when the feeling of "Whoa, this is bigger then anything I could ever imagine."  

As a woman with a will to speak out, I know that I will never know for sure and that is the biggest question of all......I just chip away at the judgement, at the control and at the wall that is religion. 

Come spring Jesus will rise again and bring forth new life, or Aries will rise with the birth of new earth!

Jesus the Nazarene

(Nazarene is a title applied to Jesus, who, according to the New Testament, grew up in Nazareth,^[1] a town in Galilee, now in northern Israel. The word is used to translate two related terms that appear in the Greek New Testament: Nazarēnos (Nazarene) and Nazōraios(Nazorean). The phrases traditionally rendered as "Jesus of Nazareth" can also be translated as "Jesus the Nazarene". 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

Since I grew up in Christianity, I know it like the back of my hand!

Taking my mother to her ladies retreat in Cascade Idaho that first weekend in October this past fall made me realize this is always going to be in my blood.

The music coming from chapel in my mother's Nazarene retreat for her birthday weekend was like stepping back in time for me! I was blown away by how it had not changed in my last 30 years!?!?   

I have changed, I am not the same 7 year old girl running up and down the church circling stairwell singing "Jesus loves me this I know." to the smell of old carpet and old wood.

The good times at church, those memories of us all being together. In the praying, in the singing and most importantly in the laughing of a shared faith. All of those family members, all of those religious views coming together for the better of the family.

 I liked being reminded while at the retreat with my mother about those good times in my childhood, and she still needs to believe in the same way as back then, she still needs to feel God's love and purpose for her life especially now after her stroke, she told me that it's having his promises which gives her comfort in living paralyzed now.

I can understand how she feels, how she thinks. I admire her for not giving up in such negativity but it amazes me at the same time with everything we now know about the bible and how it was actually created, That she keeps to her original faith. Knowing about every religion in all of history manipulating the public for political use and mind control with so much guilty put upon people who want to please God....can't keep me loyal to a religion with so many mistakes and problems in it.

My mother looked so beautiful singing songs she had memorized and I liked the idea of God healing and comforting her, it was beautiful when it was focused on God's grace and God's unconditional love for her, I saw the good things among all the lies and crazy rules.....It was good to be apart of her world for a weekend.

I realized why I liked having my family all together while I was growing up and actually we could of all been from Mormonism, or the Kingdom Hall, we could of been loyal Catholics, instead we were modern day "Christians." as a kid all I cared about was being together, Jesus the Nazarene whose portrait hung off to the side of the stage at my Grandparents church was the one I prayed to and thought of as I grew up truly loving that place so familiar and friendly.

I can't go back to not knowing everything crazy and chaotic about religion, but I can enjoy remember the simple good times when it was easy for me to just taking my parents word for it and to hold hands around the dinner table in prayer in being grateful for our food and our family.

Not having the clear cut answers for my life makes it wide open for adventure and possibilities, I can sit with my Mom listening to her talk about the bible study or the worship service in such genuine delight, I am grateful for all these things to think about again and to question even more about my past and why I am so strongly happy in who I am today.....

Jesus the Nazarene will always be there stuck in time, never changing and never leaving his own huge famous photo of spiritual wonder and he will always be in those same songs full of his praises......a rather odd thing to understand, no wonder the human life is so short it gets weary of living through things on repeat!
Another 100 year from now that same story about Jesus leaves another 7 year old girl asking "Why was dying the answer to blame all of us for his suffering?"

A Courage Question

Lately I've been wondering if Courage and being Brave are the same thing?

It's an interesting thing to think about as we live in a crazy weird world, or maybe I am the crazy weird person and the world is the normal one?

I suppose I have always lived to the beat of my own drum, as I grow older that drumming sounds louder then usual and maybe it's the quiet earth of freshly added snow that makes me feel oddly out of place?

Jon Katz just wrote a bit on Courage in this LINK.

 My home is so lovely with snow surrounding it right now and I decorated with lights this year that pop out and welcome you in the early darkness of the days in crazy cold winter.

I am feeling like my new word for the new year should be Courage.

and I am not sure why.......This past year's word was Joy! and it helped me through some crazy moments as I counted it all Joy!

The journey ahead will need courage, I have been enjoying each word I choose to celebrate over the last 3 or 4 years now.

Looking back I see how the word applied and helped keep me focus on such things to work on in my self.

I know I have said "That I am the romance, I am the love in living my life as I go along, where as no one else can be responsible for those things in my life except for me."

Now I think courage is needed next.

It takes courage to face the future, to be real and authentic. To master myself in who I am aside from what everyone else may say or do....

It takes courage to tell the rest of the story, to say what is clearly on the mind while knowing how to not be hurtful or selfish.

I have been thinking about courage and the care it takes to control it too.

A winter's night thought to think about I guess....a new year to focus on some new things in myself too.

"Courage is not bowing to what others think, but bowing to what I think. I need to look in my mirror every morning and respect the face that I see. Right and wrong is a matter for the individual, not the mob." -Jon Katz

Christmas to do!

I truly love the Holiday season!

Every year I have a system of my favorite traditions to

faithfully follow;

Watch "Elf" when first decorating my home with Christmas decor.

Watch "Love Actually." while baking holiday goodies.

Watch "A Muppet's Christmas Carol." and sing along once a week.

Watch "Home Alone." on a lazy weekend.

Watch the traditional "Christmas Carol" on Christmas eve.

Watch "It's A Wonderful Life." ALL the time!

Decorate home.

Walk through the Festival of Trees.

Enjoy The Garden a Glow.

Drive around looking at Christmas lights displays in lovely fun homes.

Order a Holiday coffee drink and walk around downtown.

Go out to a nice dinner all dressed up.

Sit by the fire where ever possible.

Drink Mulled wine while it snows outside.

Go no where after it snows for weeks!

Cut snowflakes out.

Make Christmas cards.

Write personal letters to far away family.

Sing along to Christmas music.

Read books.

Take Naps.

stay in Pajamas all day.

Cook all kinds of  comfort food dishes.

Walk the dogs in short spurts and cuddle in the evening under Christmas blankets.

Make Hot toddies and yummy soups in bone broth.

I also like to deep clean and organize everything while it's cold outside.

I can't stand the early dark days of winter so I hang clear Christmas lights all over my home for help to deal in the shadow gray days.

I use peppermint essential oil on all my new winter bedding.

I love holiday scented candles to burn while I'm home with smells of cinnamon and evergreen trees.

If it snows good and deep, then I make a snowman and a snow angel, while rolling around with my dog Oscar who loves to play in the snow just not stay out long too.

I call to chat with my friends or my aunts for a long cozy conversation.

I make gifts in baskets with little goodies along with coffee or a wine bottle to be at the ready.

I enjoy all kinds of arts and crafts time during the holiday season and I always love thinking up new and fun things to do for celebrating Christmas!

 

The Stars are Shining Brightly!

                    The February evening was so clear and so vastly beautiful that it took my breath away so I stood a moment to look at it from the top of the mountain, I held still in my skis and stocking cap grasping in the colors of orange and purple my mind sparked by the feeling of wonder and of God's pure magic before my very eyes as I was 17 years old now, "It's dinner time!!! WoooooHooo! I can go see my mom now, she'll have a crock pot of yumminess and she won't think I am wasting time in the Lodge. Oh to be warm again too!" I push off the clear wide open mountain side and swung down into the ski trails on my way against the sunset and against the bitter cold flying in my face, everything I wore was miss matched and given to me for the protection against the white fluffy snow! I never cared about my clothes expect that they would keep me warm and I always packed a bag of replacements less I got wet or freezing cold in the whole day there from 10am to 10pm  for my mother believed "...In getting your money's worth." 

And I was made wiser for it too, example:

"Mom? Mom? I'm so hungry I could eat a whole cow! It takes tons of energy to ski and stay up right! I fell going down the bunny hill and knock over 3 kids...I felt so bad, I bet I looked just like a bowling ball knocking down human pins! I HATE skiing, I hate it....and I hurt all over from being cold."

My mother set out a sandwich for me as she frowned explaining "Well, give it time....you should hurry and eat so that you don't miss your 1pm lesson. A ski teacher could help you learn how to stop." I shrugged back and eat as quickly as I could then burped really loud with a smile I know my mom would protest and not find it as funny as I did "Debby, ladies don't burp like that!" I replied "It's better then farting." I laugh and my mother shushes me looking around as if someone would over hear me. I explain in my know-it-all 14 year old way "IF I don't learn anything at this lesson then I am NOT skiing anymore! I am a danger to everyone out there!" My Mom put my hat on and said "You have to get your money's worth! Now go...don't waste any more time, your loosing time that you could be out skiing!"  I mumble back still giggling when I burped again that grape soda with lunch was not a good choice for hydration! My mother always stayed in the lodge from all those years with her long table setup in a home away from home feeling. She fed us kids as we all filtered in and out for the long cold day, always reminding us as we warmed up a bit that we still needed to get out on the slopes in order to get our money's worth.

Then there was the "Buddy system." as my siblings had lots of friends their own age to ski beside, I on the other hand was very limited in my choices and in a promise that I made my Grandpa "Don't be reckless or go to fast, promise me that you will be very careful." I said in alarming new awarenes that I promise him. I skied very very careful, no one liked waiting for me at the beginning. I was wobbly and easily uncertain as one ski got stuck up right and the other slide down creating a body wedge and me saying "oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...what to do? what to do?" I would hold very still yet my whole body would moved on it's own being pulled against the wide open mountain slope.
 "Have I said today that I HATE skiing yet?" My mother would chuckle and pour me soup as I updated her every time on the latest mistakes I had made on the ski runs. Sometimes she would laugh and sometimes she would worry warning me and trying to help me not hate it so much, I kept at from 14 to 19 but I never really found myself craving it. My mother's number one question every morning as I head out  "Whose your Buddy today Debby?" I would groan back "I don't want a buddy! can I just ski alone???" My mother's alarming face would burst out as she set up our corner table by the heat vent were she hung wet gloves and hats all the time "No, It's way to dangerous out there to ski alone! Come back in from your lesson and I'll find someone for you to ski with." I would leave her saying "Oh Great......everyone you pick looks at me like I'm the mentally challenged kid who needs a pat on the head. and then they talk slowly to me like I'm to stupid to understand how to ski!"  I sighed helplessly always struggling to keep up in class, always falling in oddly weird shaped ways and even once getting stuck in a tree trunk! 

The buddy system was the most annoying of all my mother's rules, and I learned to skirt around it carefully. I would usually bring a new friend from my training class to meet my mother with a big smile I would share "Here's my buddy for today!" She would nod proudly and I would pretend that person stayed with me when I saw her again. One time I came in for dinner and didn't want to leave this made my mother so upset that I was loosing hours of skiing I soon learned to leave out after dinner and try to ski in the cold wet dark only to check in my rentals and sit reading a magazine in other building away from my mom until a quarter to 10pm then popping in to help her clean up without her getting upset at me.

Don't get me wrong, skiing was fun under all the right conditions, I tried always to follow every rule my mother made too.....but sometimes I had to be alone, I had to get warm and stay away from everyone in order to have peace of mind.

The winter I had turned 17, I had all of this down......how to ski by myself without worrying and alarming my mother. She knew I was sticking to the green slopes on the map, I very rarely branch out to a blue level snowy slope so she began to trust me on my own.

Then the night skiing was my favorite after a full tummy of warm foods, I would see the clear stars like magical sparks in the sky above me.

As I kissed my baby brother's cheek and put on my gloves I said to my mom "It's sooooooo PERFECT outside right now, clear warm sky, snow is all fluffy no ice and the stars are very very bright! It's like pure magic out there! I am going to try the Lu Lu again." My mother nodded while glancing down at her map and marking it.....this way if I never returned she would know where to send the rescuers.

It was a perfect night I always loved riding the ski lift up into the tree tops, dangling there by myself in my own thoughts and wonders.....I didn't wear a stocking cap that night because it was almost warm, this was the end of the season and I felt so comfortable in less clothing and my long hair flying wild and free.

It surprised me just how good I was gliding down the slope, in record time I made it back up the lift and in that perfect nice night I went over 12 times one right after another, 
"Talk about getting my money's worth!?!?!" I thought proudly.
It was the best skiing I had ever done in my life, I was so naturally relaxed and free to move about whenever I wanted, with no force "buddy" or no slushy rain on my head. I felt happy, I felt strong and most importantly I felt like I would never ski this good again.

With that dark sky above me bursting forth such big bright stars, I sat looking up at them in awe while I rode on the ski lift every time, then in wonder of my powerful self I hit the slope with my wide open arms and small little turns!
   This was a magical night to me! For I knew I would never ever forget it!  As I smoothly glided into place as if I intended to do so!
 I thought to myself "I have arrived! This is it! I can ski!?!?"

When I saw my mother again at closing time I was vibrantly excited about how many times I took on the Lu Lu and succeeded! 
She smiled proudly back at me saying "See, practice makes perfect!" I added with a knowing smile while helping her load up the car ".....AND I sure got my money's worth tonight!" 

   

Chris LeDoux- The Call Of The Wild

Some songs are just so powerful for words! And yet it's the words of the song that give ya such a feeling of awe and inner strength!

The Danish Girl

Last November a movie was release to theaters that blew me away in magical Beauty!
 It was so well done, so classy and amazing! That I think it's one of the most important films of all time!

And so in my favorite theater here in Boise, my husband took me on a real date night to The Flicks and he didn't complain once for the whole night even though he hates crowds and hates movie theaters.
I was in awe of such an incredible story shared sitting beside my husband who I hadn't been on much of date since he started law school, now that he had graduated and it was like he saw me for the first time again.
I was rather not use to him actually paying attention to me again so that night at the movies I kept looking over my shoulder as I saw him smiling towards me while I thought he saw some one he knew only to feel silly he was just happy to see me!
After this BEAUTIFUL movie about the true love in Friendship, I was delight that my husband bought some wine and we sat in the lobby by the fireplace to discuss this powerful story.

It was truly a magical night to share how much we have missed each other in struggling and trying to survive his law school years.....when he said he was so sorry, I burst into happy tears because that was all I need to hear....and just like this movie I saw ourselves in the very familiar story of one partner trying to find themselves and be honest in who they really are while the other holds steady on in hopes it can get better one day...in the end, we are forever changed and never to return to the beginning of our life stories but we are stronger, wiser and more aware of how limited our time is on this earth, just like in this movie that I love so much, the only thing that last is honest friendship.

As winter's cold dark night had us talking and laughing again together like we had so long ago in another time and place, I said that this movie was one THE most profound story of true love!

My husband said thoughtfully and kindly as we sat warming up by the crackling fire glow  how usually he thinks stories like these can be obnoxious, but this film was so breath taking and powerful that he could watch it again, which usually he never thinks that about most movies.

A monumental moment in our lives to delight in being out together and both truly impressed by "The Danish Girl."  and the freedom in a whole new life ahead of us!