Yesterday I planted garden seeds wondering to myself "Is this going to grow in Full sun?" Because after all these seasons later finding the sunshine is how I've spent most of my time observing the outside world under my care.
Yesterday I saw worms, spiders, bugs of all kinds as I dug down into the soil. It comes together everyday looking better then the day before....I have a vision of walking pathways with colorful flowers greeting you along the way while also growing veggies and edible things in among that much needed sunshine! I am living in a house almost to big for me, almost to much for me to keep up on but outside is where I truly thrive!
My cats and dogs find soft grass or warm rugs to nap while I clean up around all the trees. It's been fun to live here, to share my guest room in entertaining and listen to great stories around the fire pit glow. The fact we are only a couple of minuets from the growing downtown with such a country side neighborhood full of history and huge yards makes me proud to know it all so well!
Yesterday I turned on the water hose and gave all my fruit trees a drink, life will never slow down but we can choose to stop being so busy in order to see it unfold. The sun shine right now feels so warm and bright coming through the naked trees as they start to find their leaves. I love early flowers, cold crop veggies and no real big weeds yet.....finding the sun shine makes being outside, being a gardener even more wondrous!
My home has been an adventure taking on a different look here and there, I love spring cleaning it all this time of the year, knowing where every little thing is and what I still need to fix. With life always on the move, with cats that nap on my lap or dogs that sleep under the messy bedding I think over in awe how wonderful it is that we can all be together, we can all safely sit outside or simply go find the sun in our wonderful life!
Yesterday I thought over all my blessings, over all my delights as I hope to see it all soon grow more with that sparkling sun!
This has been a busy week for me that I have to step back and actually taste the coffee......How wonderful is the future? For I am living IN the future already as I take my Mom out to lunch, garden my backyard, clean out the garage, take my neighbor shopping, get the dogs groomed and the cats fed their wet canned much needed nutrition....My life is in full force of activities and I am not complaining, I'm just reflective over the last 2 days of deep cleaning my husband's Mother's home. It surprised me greatly when they decided to sell and move from their huge home on the golf course, a home they had built as their retirement plan but it takes strong focus and constant gas to get out of the neighborhood just to find a grocery store even then it's very crazy to drive slowly getting onto Eagle road so when they are 80 years old I would be terrified of such a place. Changing times like this make me so happy because it really does get better in the future! Every home we live in plays a role into our life style and our income.
As I cleaned the empty place I happily said goodbye to those old memories in these walls, even my dog Oscar never liked that huge space because we were not use to such high ceilings, whenever we headed home my husband Tony would laugh "Poor Oscar, you could tell he didn't like all that noise it echos off the walls and he kept looking down the hall like he was so scared." I giggled at the time of such change.
Everyone has a different life story, Everyone has a different view on what it means to be successful or happy, my mother-in-law Jo Anne loved her new huge home for the perfect time in her life. A time she shared with friends and family because she had the actual space for as many as she would like over. I will always miss her patio home days when 6 people sat around the table peacefully and we felt like a real family back then, this huge home was much colder and hard to socialize in a personal way for me so as I wiped it down I wondered "Will we ever go back to being a family again once they move out?" Or maybe we are all older and wiser now with no time to pretend? It either will be good to start new family traditions or it will constantly be changing? Therefore I have to let it be, not what I WISH it was or what it had been but instead I need to let it be as it really is......My idea of family is defiantly different then from my husband and yet he likes that I am so dedicated to my idea even after all these years....family grows, changes and dies off so quickly that any connection or memory of it become my most favorite part of life! These are the parents and the people whom teach us what is important in life as we grow up and I am overwhelming grateful for even the hard distant times we go through with these people.
My father taught me even though it's not my "job" if something needs fixed then go fix it don't wait for help or for someone else to do it for you.
My mother taught me even though you do everything right or perfect it can all change so cherish each breath of life.
My father-in-law taught me that to joke around and laugh keeps you young.
and his wife taught me that being apart of a "Sisterhood" runs deeper then blood.
My mother-in-law taught me that to know yourself is very important no matter what, because it's easy to get distracted by other people's judgement if you aren't sure yet.
and her husband taught me it's best to stay out of the way of any family drama and simply enjoy a nice cigar.
Everyone has had or have parents with some kind of wisdom or tips they share from their own life stories, it can't be made so easy that to pick just one thing but I like everything about all the family in my life and I have learned sooooo much with adding more parents to my life after I got married. I like how different everyone is, the world is by far much bigger for me in seeing all these lives come and go. The truth is that maybe people chose to live in the same house for 50 years or maybe they chose to move around every 5, but it's not the home that makes the person who they are it is how their guest feel when they come calling. I feel grateful to say good bye to such a huge home, because that is how I felt in that place simply lost from one bathroom to the next looking for where all the people went....
My husband asked in alarm "Why are you crying?" as I drove us home to our cozy condo. I sighed wiping my wet cheeks realizing I couldn't hold them back anymore"Because now we'll never see them again, I know they are all so excited about their new mansion but I realize now just how they will be working full time, ALL the time in order to keep up on it, so we'll never meet up with them again not just for a drink because they won't have much time anymore. The fact is that I am sad over how times are really changing and we are clearly all growing apart.....maybe we were never that close to begin with but for me it was better back in their smaller home." My husband chuckled shaking "I'll never understand why you like "family time" so much, you are so cute and caring. But I think it's healthy to move on and keep changing with the times, they get to live the life they want and when I am their age I'll be doing the same, maybe not living in such a big space but maybe I'll be living in whole other country ya never know what motivates people in their middle life crisis and don't ya say it all the time? "Nothing last forever." so don't cry over the past thinking it's better then future when you have no idea how it all turn out in the end." I nodded back reflectively explaining "I just wish we could keep all the people we love within arms reach and fill our days with socializing memories of simply being together more." My hubby nodded saying back thoughtfully as I wiped my eyes "It's not the home, it's not the house that creates those things it's who you choose to have a relationship with."
I drove off with the golf course in my rear view mirror proud of leaving such a cleaned new home for the new buyer and knowing it all had something to teach me as I went, something I might not quite get right now but I am so happy to see it move on and to remember this year of the Brave and the New stories ahead!
The beautiful green grass grew across the golf course way out into the Boise river out lined by tall trees. The small slope up to my mother-in-law's huge house was where I was when she said "Debby can you go hide all of these Easter eggs for the kids? I have things to do in the kitchen." I beamed while setting down my cup of coffee exclaiming "Of course! I love this kind of thing!" The colorful plastic eggs full of money, candy and small toys were set all over the backyard that run down into the sidewalk. This neighborhood was big and new so the landscape was easy to reach the top of baby trees and bushes I ran around happily to setup the egg hunt.
An hour later the twin girls Kasey and Avery were squealing and getting ready as I half hugged their brother Alex chatting with them on carrying their baskets. It was a fun late morning, the adults drank mimosas and ate omelets on the patio table while the race was on for the hidden and clearly seen rainbow colored eggs. Holidays are made far more magical with kids running around and laughing! I cheered them on, danced around and then sat on the floor in the living room counting their eggs and excitedly seeing what all was inside each colorful container! Being like a kid is far more fun to me now as an Adult for I have no fear in truly gleefully enjoying the colorful magical holiday! These kids are my husband's cousins born after he grew up of course and they are always such good kids, as the four of us sat on the floor together I noticed how kind they are to each other in sharing all their Easter eggs without being told to do this, how they celebrated with each other in their prizes instead of getting jealous or upset. I realized how our parents treat us when we are born is how we react as children. If you live in fear or chaos as I had as a small child then a simple Easter egg hunt turns badly, I remember a huge field covered in eggs my Father said "Go for the big ones, that's where the GOOD prizes are." my mother was telling my sister the same thing but I so little in understanding as soon as the race was on I went for the first egg I saw only to get trampled on with my Father yelling crazily after me to get up I was soooooo terrified when I finally found my feet again, I found my sister hitting a strange kid for taking her basket and the pure craziness of this memory makes me smile proudly over how nice and calm these kids were, One day soon I thought they will grow up, they will be teenagers not so interested in giggling over Easter eggs like this and exclaiming "LOOK! WOW! a whole dollar was in this egg!" we all zoom in to see "WOW!" we all exclaim and smile at the true magic I was able to hide all around outside on such a lovely spring day!
I remember it well for I was 15 years old, my beloved girls were talking about it and our whole church was decorating for it! Easter Sunday in Christianity is like a bomb going off in pastel colors and buckets full of lilies!
I remember it well this plan to have a sun rise service of worship starting at 7am instead of the usual 10am for my high school classroom. Since my mother knew how much I wanted to go she sent my father to take me, while she stay home with my baby brother and the other siblings until the usual 11am celebration of Easter. I asked my mom "Why can't I get a ride with Tiffany? She is going AND she is driving now....Then Dad can stay home too." My Mom frowned "No, It's dangerous to be in a car with a new driver, you can't ride with Tiffany until she has been driving for at least 2 years." I groaned over how OLD I would be by then and I worried over having to sit next to my father in public since his mood swings were so unpredictable I worried a lot back then.
7am we were the first 2 people sitting out in the wide open flied behind our church, for we had helped the youth pastor set up the cold metal fold up chairs and waited. I was in my new floral print dress with a lacy petticoat underneath feeling so excited to see my friends soon!
I had been arguing with my mother all winter long over wanting to wear my new white dress shoes, the ones I had bought back in the fall on sale with a tiny heel to them. For I was a REAL teenager now wearing adult like looking shoes! But my mother forbid me to ever leave with them on because they were white and the color white isn't worn until Easter Sunday......I guess everyone but ME thought that. I argued "Why is that? Who said? It's cold and gray and dark all the time in winter so why not brighten up the season wearing new white shoes?" My Mom would causally be breast feeding whenever I caught her attention so she never had much interest in explaining things to me for very long and now that I was 15 years old I would hear her said "Stop TRYING to be difficult just because you think you should, you think that is what teenagers DO." I sarcastically reply "I just want to know WHY we do what we do....if you want a real teenager to challenge you just go talk to DANA." She would chuckle and shake her head as if I was being cute while tossing the fat baby into my arms and getting ready for church herself. I knew my mother was scared of everything back then, especially having 2 head strong girls who were nothing alike, not ever.
The 7am turned into 7:30am as people started showing up my father mumbled towards me "Why say 7am if no one will show up? THESE are YOUR friends remember that." I nodded trying to ignore him without pissing him off. I hugged the girls all dressed in floral new dresses and bright white shoes too. Tiffany had REAL heels just like her mother always wore and I admired them so much of course! We sat there in a row of four, for our Sunday school class room was nicely connected and intimate like this, I felt so safe, so happy and so loved by those girls in those very really years of womanhood.
We sat facing the west so that the morning sunlight would not blind us as we sang and study the bible passage of Jesus rising from the dead. By the end of that day we would cover such a story over and over again until we had it memorized. My beloved friends parents sat all around us, yet it was that moment in prayer we four girls locked arms and hands in 4 different spring dresses and in four different colored sweaters welcoming in Easter Sunday!
I sat between my father and my theatrical friend Tiffany while Rebekah leaned in on her other side and Jennifer jumped up to play her violin. I remember that day most of all because of the chilly cold and wet grass as the rays of sunshine shot through east warming us all up slowly. Tiffany gasped in after Jennifer's music ended "This is the most beautiful morning of my life! Jesus has risen just like this sunlight! We have hope again!" she grabbed my arm closer to her as I smiled back whispering "And I LIVE for such hope as that everyday!" The girls all laughed together as they leaned into each other while my father just rolled his eyes and I knew it was a magical morning to never forget!
Tiffany sat across from me at the restraunt 20 years later saying "Where did we LIVE that everything was so magical back then? I feel like it's so hard to find now that kind of wonder in the world." I chuckled nodding back explaining "WE chose to see the wonder and awe of God for ourselves, we didn't have a choice so we made the best of it together, WE were beloved girlfriends and supported each other fully......yet as things changed as we grew up WE still carried the fire and wonder inside of us. God may or may not be, but WE were REAL and our friendship was REAL at least to me....." Tiffany cried leaning into me "How did I keep such a good friend as you all these years?" I chuckled back handing her my napkin feeling so reflective by her side again "Because WE chose to stay close, we are never in control of the world but we are in control of who we trust and love, I would of been a very jaded teenager if you hadn't been in my life full of imagination and magic!" Tiff laughed out loud now wiping her eyes exclaiming "Well then, Here's to having Hope again in our lives!"
While I pushed my mother through the store strolling along with her wheelchair and chit chatting like always, she had me stop suddenly "How much are these?" she asked I moved around reading the prices on those computer screens. She said "Pick some out for you and your sister, I'll put them in your Easter Baskets." I laughed shaking my head over how it will never end. It will always be from one holiday to the next that my mother wants to go shopping and finds gifts for her grown children. Even the grand kids will be teenagers still getting gifts from my mother because that is her hobby, her traditions and her way of life.
I get discourage sometimes trying to keep her from spending to much, knowing that in every penny saved my father would be proud of me or at least thankful that I am not a shopaholic as well. It's my mother's focus to go out and spend his hard working money in order to get back at him for always being at work. In which no one wins through such a battle, NOT spending all his money would allow him to finally take a day off and simply be at home with her like she really wants.......yet when I explained this to her a year before her stroke she freaked out on me and got so upset saying "I'm not going to wait around for him to finally stop working all the time! I'm going to have FUN with his money instead!" I chuckled shaking my head knowing exactly why she felt that way, then after her stroke she filled her shopping cart with anything and everything she saw or wanted that was a true moment of things have all changed in her as my father even showed up to help us not spend 300 dollars on clothes that clearly didn't fit her to begin with.....LIFE is an adventure for us all, my father is always running the numbers in his head, always feeling panicked to get back to work or stay on his phone until he has his jobs under control. He gets annoyed and worn out dealing with my mother now as we reach 4 years since her brain trauma.
My Mom insisted "Pick some hand towels,I like this one." I handle through the Easter towels reading "Hello Spring!" stitched into the fabric. I smiled explaining "I am always saying this! It's such a fun exciting time of the year to get back into spring." My mother nodded then dug through her purse for coupons, I helped her out with my extra hands thinking to myself how different her life is from mine in that I never like using coupons, never like hanging out in the mall or never like walking through each aisle of a store all afternoon long.
My Mom and I ate lunch together again, enjoying the warmer weather and planning on how to decorate the gifts baskets when we got back home. She explained "I just don't want to run out of time in getting these done, I feel so frustrated when Easter arrives and I don't have everything PERFECT." I chuckled replying "You say the same thing a about Christmas, doesn't it get expensive year after year?" Mom replied "I told your Dad to sell some land for extra money." I choked on my water glass and explained back "Just for Easter Baskets???" She giggled explaining "Noooooo, for traveling and well, everything I want to do!" I shook my head at her saying "If you saved your money for only one holiday celebration then you would have some for doing the fun things you would like." She shared "When I was normal I went to the stores whenever I wanted and bought stuff on sale all year long! AND I got some really great deals and good stuff too! But now I never know when I will be in the store again so I better buy it right now or I'll be kicking myself later for not grabbing it when I could!" I nodded drinking my ice water listening feeling a bit worn out by her shopping hobby. "Maybe our next shopping trip could be at garden center and we could plant some flowers around your cottage?" I suggested quickly Mom frowned shrugging "I guess, it's hard for me with just one hand to garden anymore." I pipped up "I would help you of course." realizing as we talked just why we were stuck in going shopping every time I came to see her...because she didn't struggle with her parallelization when strolling along all the holiday displays! It made sense now with me as I've been trying change our habits together.
I kindly said to my mom "We'll sit outside more now the weather is nicer and I want to take you to the Botanical Gardens where we could stroll through so many garden wonders!" Mom smiled "That could be fun maybe!" I laughed at her sweet honesty, HELLO SPRING!
It's been a struggle to not have a single cocktail or alcoholic beverage in 30 days, especially since it's apart of our social outings meeting up with friends for happy hour during a busy week or BBQing over the weekend....no alcohol for the Whole 30 didn't seem like a big deal at first then suddenly a couple of weeks into it there was all kinds of drinking choices so I am glad for the break but I appreciate the flavor of such drinks now, in this last week I've had 2 beers but it's the tail end of the whole 30 and on one early Saturday morning I had a small breve latte so there was a bit of dairy in my diet after all.....The cleverness in cooking up a different meat every night and adding in a different veggie has been fun, at first it was hard not to pile on sour cream or yogurt or any cheese at all for that matter then wishing to whip up cream for fresh berries was deflating as dessert with cream has such beauty to it! ALL of this has shown me how we get stuck in a rut on our scheduled meals....Doing the whole 30 has reminded me how to break out of the comfortable mold and create new ideas with no alcohol, no sugar, no dairy, no grains or corn of any kind....yet everything taste so different when I go back to some of these things again....just like when I cut out bread all together from my life having in once in awhile ONLY if it's the best quality isn't as harmful and it never taste quite like I remembered.
Starting the whole 30 I roasted a goose, then made bone broth from the left overs. I've been drinking a hot cup of broth every night just before bed to warm up and calm down. These are the last of the winters days so such comfort as a hot cup of broth helps me not crave sugary foods so late in the night. We have had salmon, shrimp, pork chops, steaks, pot roast, chili verda, hamburgers, buffalo steaks, shredded pork, sausages big and small, and (my favorite) raw oysters in the half shell. This variety every day and along side kale, cabbage, asparagus, roasted tomatoes, beet salad and sweet potato casserole we have been really enjoying eating at home staying away from all the other temptations of dessert or drinks!
At first in the whole 30 I was craving such sweetness so I would slice up citrus and eat them like candy, then I would eat a bowl of berries until slowly I wasn't craving any kind of sugar distraction after dinner any more....I also now make jello from scratch since I am allergic to those fast box mixes with artificial sweeteners. With real fruit juice brought to a boil I also bloom the gelatin separately then stir into a mold maybe adding vitamin C to it as well and chilling until later for a nice fun healthier dessert choice! Gelatin is sooooooo good for your hair, teeth and nails that I really needed this kind of focus of the Whole 30 to get me back in line with my healthier self!
Making clever foods allows such joy in understanding what you are eating and how cozy being a homemaker really is! I took 2 hamburger patty off the BBQ the other night and made my husband his favorite kind of hamburger style with no bread buns it was filled with freshly mashed up avocados and salsa! Truly so beautiful that I took this picture of it OF COURSE,
So remember to EAT RIGHT for the BEST time in your LIFE.
