Stillness

It came to my attention the other day as I walked in the quiet park of such morning glow that I really love stillness. I have felt overwhelmed in many things changing these last few weeks, maybe even months to be honest! So it proves I really love still and quiet moments like those! I don't like a day filled with things to do or a set list already.....

     I feel like time is pushing up against my back saying "go! Go! GO!" and I want to put my hands up saying "No,Stop! and be still you crazy time!" I was explaining to someone about how busy my life has become right now and they replied How good it is to stay busy...People are funny to think this way! For I DO NOT agree at ALL! Stillness is my soul's food and my happiness!! How can you keep that away by being busy and justifying such business as a good thing???  I will never quite get it, nor will I want to! Give me peace and calmness before you give me a schedule to maintain! Good grief life isn't meant to be one job after another, our lives were meant for so much more and yet not everyone looks for that deeper thing in their time....I stand still in my own backyard look up at the sky and think to myself "This is my time to just breath and BE!" Thank you Stillness and peace of mind to care over my life! I stay young because I will not rush through time, I will be busy there is no avoiding this completely and I have responsibilities to care over. Yet I have never been lazy as well....just relaxed in completing my chores, projects and capturing time along life's path. I will never be one to like appointments and days gone with every hour planned out! The other morning I got to the mall before it opened and drank a pumpkin spice latte from my old coffee shop, I loved the stillness of the place so different and quiet. I walked the whole outline window shopping and leaving before society crowded me in! How magical was that beverage and peaceful was my mind?!? I need to do things in those kind of calm moments when I can find them more often and remind myself that stillness teaches me the great things about who I am even more!
So don't be afraid to be alone with yourself in the stillness of time!

Steak

The first night in Caldwell for this week of dog-sitting, I knew while I watered the gardens and played in the fenced in backyard with the dogs. Surrounded by peacefulness and beauty of the valley below, I knew that tonight I was kicking it up downtown at the best the steak house and saloon! Taking in the sunset at my uncle's coffee shop full of his kids to befriend. It ended up being far better of a night as I walked the park and thought about these soft warm evenings changing into the fall once again.
The bar in the basement of Indian Creek steak house is one of my favorite places to hang out for the bartender is a true cowboy, years of stories with his graying handle bar mustache. I sat happily by the country music screen reading fun facts of the musicians as they played while I ate. I like doing things on my own all the time! I meet more people then ever before if I am alone out in the world, I am not distracted with my focus on the person I am with. I like deciding suddenly I want to take a walk with no objections or voting on what to do next. I am not complaining being around someone is just as enjoyable as being all alone is what I  am trying to convey. In Caldwell I fall into memory lane for this is where I came from mostly, I like being inspired to write and share my stories while walking out on my own in the sunset of the end of day. 

As that 16oz steak came I ate happily on my own, visiting with my friends, the owners, then sometimes laughing at the over heard jokes from the lively group at the bar. I took in my gin and tonic slowly as the whole steak disappear perfectly in my tummy! Lately I have been seeing old friends who step back in awe at how skinny I am right now and I forget that I have really changed in the last 2 years. I meant it fully with joy and hope for everyone else when I say "It's eating steak and bacon everyday, honestly it is! Truly a WONDERFUL diet and now well my perfect lifestyle!" If people ask me then I will tell them with pride, how I have become healthier....for I love to eat STEAK all the time! It's a great taste in life with such easy delight to be made well again! I sat there lost in thoughts and songs, peaceful with an empty plate and my happy smile in that saloon singing along to an old country song when the bartender exclaimed in awe at me "WOW, How did a little gal like you eat all of that steak??" I laughed back and said "Easy! It was really GOOD and I was looking forward to it all day while working in the gardens!" Thinking to myself that it was also funny to be called "A little gal" even when I was a little girl I was never called that....amazing how gluten keeps us chubby and struggling so much, when really all we need to live is a perfect grilled steak!

Logical

This Logical song will explain it perfectly! I think it's a clever song in wondering who are we after all is asked from us? Whenever I try to "fit in" I'm usually left to realize that I stick out like a sore thumb, so it's not a bad thing to me just an honest way to see myself! THEN I get lost in singing along to this song and feel instantly better! Have a Happy Sunday sing-a-long also!

Mrs. Doubtfire

The movie "Mrs. Doubtfire" came out when I was around 14 years old and my Grandma Norma took me to see it as a luncheon out. It was so nice to be on my own with her in the theater like that! I rarely if ever saw a movie like that in a public setting. I think that is why it was such an important moment and memory in my life! The movie wasn't exactly what Grandma thought it would be and she said that often through out those uncomfortable "modern moments" of the film. Robin Williams can be blunt as well as extremely funny. He isn't bothered by the rules as he often makes fun of them, people gasp and step back when he makes his voices to talk about sex or body parts. I can see why my Grandma wasn't thrilled over this film in the end but for me I think it changed my life and I truly love it! So lately this movie came back into my memory as I have just finished my first week as a Nanny. I inspire to be as classy as Mrs. Doubtfire in that perfect dinning room table scene, it's not hard to be nanny if you like kids and can treat them with respect. I have never had a problem in visiting with children and I love being a homemaker this made the job truly delightful!

 Looking back from when I saw movie I learned about divorce thinking it was such a sad situation, yet I wondered about life and love changing over time for people in that way.  I decided while watching it that staying together just for the kids makes life even more sad, with missed opportunities, it's rather a tricky topic for everyone, and each story is personal to themselves. I think divorce is misunderstood way to often, judged to quickly by those who have never dealt with it and should never be seen as a failure. I think it's more like grabbing a new book to read when the other one has ended...Life is like that never actually ending but full of life lessons, some love stories can keep up and some just get laid to rest. This movie taught me that, helped me stop worrying or judging the topic so strictly.

 When my Grandma said to me as we left the theater where we had just seen "Mrs. Doubtfire" I wiped a few tears from my eyes feeling new emotions in myself. She walked one arm in mine as we were about the same height at the time, She was always short and cute saying as we walked "Well now that was a waste of time and money, I feel so depressed." I chuckled and nodded thinking silently to myself that I wished during the movie that my own parents would get a divorce, since they were so clearly unhappy just like that. Imagine how peaceful Mom would keep our home? How my father would only come around at Christmas times in his favorite holiday then we would only remember him as happy and good. Yet here I am almost 20 years later from seeing that movie and it never happened to my parents, this ideal divorce I was thinking would be nice. My understanding now is that my mother's judgement, her words spoken to me have lasted in my mind more then any emotional explosion my father had....there would have not been a perfect happy family either way it went I can see that now. THIS is the real issue with divorce or not divorced families, friendship should always come first before being related or sharing the same blood. Friendships WILL out last or create new families!

My favorite part of this movie after re-watching over the years, is the last line Mrs. Doubtfire says about Love in his new Tv show;

"There are all sorts of different families, Katie. Some families have one mommy, some families have one daddy, or two families. And some children live with their uncle or aunt. Some live with their grandparents, and some children live with foster parents. And some live in separate homes, in separate neighborhoods, in different areas of the country - and they may not see each other for days, or weeks, months... even years at a time. But if there's love, dear... those are the ties that bind, and you'll have a family in your heart, forever. All my love to you, poppet, you're going to be all right... bye-bye." 

And Know....

Our Roommate

I completely understand why everyone keeps asking how is living in our new place with a roommate going, a rather odd situation to move into a place with a young man already established upstairs. I never really was concerned but I live in my own world also....Maybe I am not a good judge of such things. The first night our roommate returned home after we had moved in, I was wide awake listening to the moments in the dark house at One am, my 3 dogs didn't make a sound! They just laid into me a bit more closer snoring, knowing I was watching over them. My husband Tony suddenly spatted out "What in the World, the hell is wrong with these dogs?!?" JUST as I whispered at the very same moment "Good doggies!" I was very proud there was no alarm barking or actions from them, Tony now sat straight up explaining "WE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED IN OUR SLEEP! Bad Doogies! Bad! WAKE UP and Bark for shit's sake!" I was giggling at his panic, I sat up to pet each sleeping pup.....
THIS is how different we are, I look at the silence of the dogs on that first night with our roommate getting home as a triumph of good dog behavior while Tony felt it was wrong. He said our dogs should be growling or warning us someone was IN our home. Although He has come a long ways in over the last 2 months trying to understand our roommate or not taking things so personal, my husband has never had a roommate before. A fact that was clear to me right away, so I have had a few conversations and discussions on the kind of rules in having a roommate.
Every so often I think it's odd, having a roommate who doesn't talk much or hang out with us, I like clear cut conversations and honesty so when I get a vibe that I'm the only one talking or sharing the week's events I remind myself that we are all different peoples around here. To me when I leave home for a while it's important everyone knows my plans, our roommate is more of the disappear with no goodbye chat then pops back in at random. I am trying not to compare my mannerisms, for I know exactly how I am. Like in house cleaning I am my own person, comfortable no matter what to just clean!! and I will not change my ways now for whoever I live with, a clean home IS my home. I own it, I will not wait on anyone else to do the work for me, I don't take it personal if the dishes are not mine to wash or the bathrooms need touch ups. I love my homemaking self, it's not that bad sharing a home when I am the type of person to care over people, never ignore them unless of course they WANT to be ignored. My wonder at having a roommate is more in how can I talk honestly without being misunderstood or left to guess at how I sounded? When my roommate was cuddling with his girlfriend on the couch one evening I tried not to invade their space as I quickly raced outside meeting my husband already there, He saw me looking for something to do in my awkwardness saying out loud from the lawn chair "I shall think of this home as student housing..." Then I laughed so hard shaking my head at our new place. Adjustments, challenges or understandings are all apart of life, now in our new home we are making everything work out just fine. YET I'm always ready for THAT look each person gives me when they ask "SO how is living with the roommate?" The looks make me chuckle in my reply, I always answer in the same way each time as well, "He's never really around, he's not much for chatting so for all I know everything is just fine..." How funny it is, for unless actually spoken to directly trying to figure people out or ever knowing they might be mad at me isn't something I worry over, it's just the way I am again in my own world until given more knowledge to work with. So unless anything changes the story of our roommate is; that he's a young man who lives here but also has a kind, sweet girlfriend who he is with more, and it's quite naturally a good setup all around! At least so far that is what I know:-}

The Fair 2012

        Every year I get ready with ice coffee and my I.D. badge! I love that moment when I first smell kettle corn and roasted almonds! When people ask for my advice, and I feel all special inside, even though I am not really all that important at the fair.....I think this was the best year so far in organization and good times, My co-workers are great friends by now, my time in learning everything helps me not need my boss so much for answers. I like that first day walking through every square inch of the setup, of the rides coming alive in lights and the awesome fact there are no crowds yet.....The Fair never gets old even if we do!
My job is all over the place everyday in doing things and being with people! I can setup a game or wash dishes after a taste test. I can sit at the table adding scores or act out the contest for participates! 
One summer evening the purple hazy sky had me out in the middle of it all cheering on people to play instant cash family friendly games! I looked out at the surrounding mountains thinking how wonderful it is to be alive! As the Fair unfolded I took it all in everyday! My job is truly full of awesomeness and wonderful people!