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Friday, March 15, 2019

At first light

                    

    It's very cold right now, I have a blanket and a cup of coffee with a snuggling sweet dog Minnie in this cabin surrounded by snow and trees just down the road from Sun Valley Lodge. While it was dark and early while it was freezing we piled up in our jeep to take my husband to his conference.

Yesterday's road trip went very good in the warm March sunshine, the roads were clear the whole way in our 3 hour drive. 
With my pet care all set up, we took our sweet Minnie along side us for her last road trip, she sure has been a wonderful dog!
Our cabin is cozy warm against all the snow.
It's a bit difficult to walk around the icy driveway so while Minnie slide about making my husband Tony laughed as it's a warning for him to be careful I simply walk like a penguin to help them both in the car.
This morning the sun rise was beginning to light up Baldy Mountain as I dropped Tony off and in that first light I held a moment of awe!
"I would recognize that mountain any where!" In reverence I stared up at it right before my very eyes as the jeep idled a bit blowing heat for Minnie and me to head back to our cabin.
At the shape of it so close to me, at the awe I felt as to why so many people come here to ski and to snow board. It's strikingly beautiful!
I saw it back when I was teenager once or twice never really noticing it before....
Before February 2017.
I have found pictures of Baldy mountain online or in local farmer's markets as postcards and note cards. I have written about it, I have watched many youtube videos about it.
I knew it was around me as I unpacked the car yesterday, the crowded busy popular place made me retreat quickly into out cabin and settling our old dog down has been my main focus.
This morning at first light I saw the mountain in it's full majestic close up view! In awe it's has been apart of me now these past 2 years without me having ever skied down it.
"There you are." I whispered
"There is no mistaking it, I have stared at you in thousands of tears."
That very important Saturday morning at first light my brother took off from the home I now live in to arrive to this place, to snowboard this very amazing mountain. The sun shine was in full force that day of our "Winter Apocalypse" as February came to an end. 
At first light I thought about this place, this mountain right before me, the clearly defined ski runs and the whole shape of it. I had not been so clear on what it looked like until after such a day found me.
I am in awe of it being this close to me now, a bitter-sweet understanding.
My brother Derek came to this place to snowboard away the morning, in the light of day appoarching he came here for such adventures. It looks like fun from down here looking up, I can see why it's so popular and I watched the chair lift move up the mountain so easily seen against such bright white snow. It looks so far away like a model train set moving along the display of life.
Derek and I played with trains growing up in fact we loved a toy store that had a huge glassed case of a train set with real looking little people and wild life among the model mountains. All captured in movement through the glass walls that we moved all around to watch in awe!
This is how I felt watching the ski resort opening up on the mountain that claimed his life.
Tree wells are easy to see when walking down the street of all these cabins, snow piled  high as I walk through tightly the tree trunks have snow piled up even higher then me while I can see directly a long tunnel gap against the trunk. If you fall head first into such a mess it would be like quick sand sucking in your body. 
I know all of this only because of the day my brother died.
Growing up skiing closer to home at Bogus Basin I stayed on the slow runs, the wide open spaces. I got tangled up holding onto the tree trunk on a slope that was pure ice all around. I think my sense of danger has always kept me slower then my siblings back then. In fact I now know I live very much slower, I am not in a hurry to ever go do something in early cold bad weather or I schedule only one event in my day to focus on making it and enjoying it while it unfolds.
This morning's beautiful sun shine is quickly coming in bright reminding us all that spring isn't far away after all....
This is a deeply moving mountain to me.
For on my brother Derek's last day on earth he was embracing this mountain side!
He was the force of light in my life that I will always remember!



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