It's not just for my own hurt that I see many people I love have suffered, there has been sudden deaths and tragic traumas in the news or in the lives of people I love so much......
This morning in all the freshly fallen snow I watched some kids play together, I smiled and loved seeing them having fun on the sidewalks......It took me into the past with tears in my eyes of playing like with my own siblings, I have been feeling like I am running out of time to make everything alright again but it won't and can't be like it was in the past.....
I need to surrender my internal battle of wishing to go back in time again, I feel like this Christmas is so very sad for me, so very hard to handle while I just want to lay on the floor and hide from the world, I also want to make a difference with whatever time I have left so as I worry for everyone else, trying to help them through these rough emotional days I escape into the past and my cherish memories of Christmas. I can see my Grandparents again, hear my brother and sister jumping around the Christmas tree and know all the adults are sharing trays of food.
I need to remember the story "A Christmas Carol." when the ghost of Christmas past is teaching Mr. Scrooge of how important time is, of how all those experiences make him who he currently is, then the ghost of Christmas present is full of hope, love and celebration, in teaching Scrooge again about giving in the moment of right now.....
I appreciate that movie more and more as I grow older, I hope that the ghost of Christmas future isn't so scary....that no matter the new difficult events each year will hold I can hold strong in my peace of mind that I sure love Christmas and I love the family and friends who fill it with such love and support!
My brother Derek loved Christmas so much that he always went all out and he always had such a good time! It comforted me to know that he would be staying out on the farm with our parents and little brothers for the whole Holiday weekend, celebrating with board games and goodies!
It will always be in my heart for how it once was.
There is a whole new year right around the corner, a new way to see the world and to take on all the adventures of getting better and growing wiser.
"For the spirits did it all in one night!".... and now it's Christmas day again! Celebrate the goodness and life!
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