Derek, My Brother.

I want my brother Derek to come back in to my life, I want to hear him tell me how to drive once again.

I want to hear him laugh like he use to, with that sweet clever smile on his face.

I want to hear about his trip to China, hear about his love for cooking and I want to hear about his funny stories in being with our little brothers.

I want to walk with him through the mall while pushing our mom in her wheel chair as we shop together.

I want to just sit beside him at any family event.

I want to see him wink at me in the moment of conversation.

I want my brother Derek to come back to life! To see him wave at me and give me one of his big bear hugs once again.

Yet what I want isn't how this year went, it's not even possible.

I want to never see 2017 ever again, I want to blow it up like a scene in a movie....

I want to never forget and never remember all these days in this year.....

I will always have these tears of grief, I will always keep saying "Dear Derek." to myself for the rest of my life.