I have seen him change so much in this year about the topic of death that he can not avoid now as his Grandma Beth Wilson was being buried at the VA cemetery.
I drank my coffee with him in our quiet dim lit living room with my fake candles flicking at us as we prepare for the long day of sadness.
I said to him "You look very good, very grown up in Cousin Henry's hat. It's so good to have him in our lives for advice and true style." I giggled and Tony replied "Wish I could have him by my side in every funeral I have to face." I smiled big knowing that my dear sweet cousin Henry has been a life saver for us in this very difficult struggling year.
We left our home in hats and gloves, in thick dress coats and that 9 am morning sun light made my eyes tear up as we parked for the surrounding ceremony of family as Grandma's casket was displayed.
It hurts like hell whenever someone dies but as Grandma's Sister hugged me while crying she said "I just can't seem to stop, I am sorry but your smile is so comforting, Thank you." I leaned to her beautiful face that looks so much like Grandma Beth and I said "She was your Sister. Cry freely, cry forever. You will always miss her." my own pain, my own loss of how this all feels simply rolled silently down my cheeks as I supported her in another big hug.
When Tony's cousin Kasey Moulton gave her speech in the church service I was so impress that this young woman feels her Grandmother's death so purely, so wisely. It's not fair that she is so young, when I was 22 years old going this very same thing that I feel like she should have been given more years with her Grandma Beth.
Then again life isn't fair or exact for any of us.
My Mother-in-law Jo Anne was saying "Poor Debby, she needs a break from all of this, She sure had quite the year of funerals." I chuckled and said "I know...right?" Then I began wondering why it's been such a sad year, perhaps living a life with love allows for more and more people to fill my life, create my stories and be apart of me when they die?
Tomorrow will be a day of tears, a day at home to feel so sad but I will always keep my door open to someone new who needs a hug.
The future can't be feared for how many more loved ones I may have to say goodbye to in the end, every new season holds new life and new hope for honoring all of those who leave us behind on the earth awhile longer. We live with love bravely, we move forward under the falling leaves of the trees....
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