She had her apple cider and I had my coffee for a break in the yearly holiday event surrounded by Christmas music and the Candy land gift shop.
Mom was hoping to get me to take her shopping for those Black Friday Sales. I have never done this with her before or even after her stroke so I said if we drive by a store then yes I would take her inside.
It was such a perfect good weather day that pushing her around was easy and using the bathroom is easy because I packed everything in the way we need it at her first request!
I sang a lot of Christmas music and made sure she was ready leave the Festival by her own choice. I like shopping with her now ever since my Father said if Mom wants to buy something just let her, she doesn't have a budget or a limit. I use to try and keep her from over spending or over doing her Christmas gifts with a lot of suggested debates on prices. Now I simply say "Sure! do you just want to one or 2." She loves it, she chuckles at me as I hold up whatever she requested to purchase, she says back at me "I only need one." I nod and smile thinking shopping like this is by far more relaxing then in all the last 6 years of trying to keep her in a sense able budget.
I stroll my mother around Target on our way home from the Festival of trees wondering to myself "What is money but annoyance to distract us from just enjoying being together?"
My father is right to just let my mom buy whatever she wants when she wants it because it's never more important then being with her in a light hearted way and seeing her enjoy herself so much.
It wasn't bad being in the store in the late afternoon on Black Friday, all the employees looked exhausted but the lines were low and the whole store was a huge mess.....for we had missed that early morning rush! I feel for the retail world during the holidays, it's a crazy world of shopping that a whole generation lives for.......I was just a kid when I realized it was a very bad day to ever go shopping all of these "Black Fridays."
Mom and I strolled through the store, she gave me a list of how she use to get such great deals on this day, I always smile as I listen for shopping was my mother's clever hobby back before her stroke and now it's her favorite pass time after.
We stayed up that night till midnight watching "Miss Fisher's murder Mysteries." I was rather tired suddenly so I got her to bed in my adorable cozy guestroom. She wanted to lay on her good side in bed so she went to the other side of bed away from me. She was sleeping for 20 minuets there as I locked up the home and cared over my pets. I was asleep the moment my head hit my pillow then she called out for me, I was right back up by her side as she said sleepy that she wanted to go back to the couch it was easier there to get comfortable. I helped her stand up and I moved away from her with her pillows in my arms to transport them back out to the living room when she rounded the corner of bed from me I stood waiting to walk more beside her yet she tripped or lost her balance. I was watching her fall and helplessly throw my pillows from my arms into the floor then slid to catch her. I shouted "Mom! Watch out! OH NO!" I was grateful she fell into the soft guest room chair instead of the sharp window corner. She went face first into the chair then bounced back to the floor with me under her supporting her back and shoulders "TONY!" I called out as I held her in place asking "Is your leg broken, are you bleeding? Can you breath? Can you feel your toes? Is a rib broken?" I was shaking and thinking fast as Mom said "Don't wake up Tony, let him sleep...I am fine." I said "You fell Mom, I need his help for sure." He took my place holding her up against her back as I jumped over the bed to help her from the front. We went down the check list of possible injuries and Tony explain if a rib was broken we can't do anything about that, so we'll find out as we move her back up because it will hurt like hell to breathe. I quickly put her knees together and advise everyone that on my count of 3 we were going straight up onto her feet all together. I held her feet side by side with my own feet and legs then she gave me her good strong hand to help pull her up into my arms where I held her fully. Tony pushed up from his place in the room then once she was back up we carefully made our way back to the living room couch. He was very impressed by me and how quickly I went to work getting my mother back up her feet again, she was going to sore, and bruised for sure!
It would of been impossible all by myself to get her up again, it shook me up so much that I didn't ever go back to sleep again for the rest of the night.....I felt very responsible.
I was made humble by the fact I use to think I was so strong with huge wide arms, yet when something like this happens, I see myself small and weak, I see myself letting gravity win over me!
Sadness is so very heavy, it has changed me completely.
I hurt for my mother when ever she tried to walk and moaned in her pain, if I tried to help her then touch her new big purple bruise I would feel so bad.
Tony reassured me that I had done everything right, that my mother's fall wasn't my fault, wasn't from my neglect but I still felt bad for being so sleepy headed to not think over how she could get out of bed safer.....
Tony said "You are good at letting your mom know everything you are doing and why, she doesn't like to wait for anything so even when you tell her that you will be right back to her, she doesn't like that so don't beat yourself up. I have never seen anyone stay cheerful under such a demanding mother." I cried.
He hugged me and I said "It terrified me to watch her fall! I was so helpless!" He chuckled back in his reply "No you weren't, you slid under her and throw those pillows out to help her fall safer. You knew how to lift her straight up and get her to safety again, you never lost it, you are one of the strongest people I know." I cried again.
It hurts us all to see our own parents get hurt, to see them struggle or have pain.
I was worried all morning caring for my mother who just wanted to go home since she fell at 1 am, while we wait to gather her stuff up till 10am I was by her side and watching her carefully for any signs of broken bones. "I just can't believe you fell Mom." she replied back "I don't know what I could of tripped on, but I thought I could just grab the wall to steady myself but then suddenly wall wasn't there." I nodded trying to think back to my racing heart beat in seeing her loose her balance from holding her cane to trying to grab the wall and then my arms flying up to grab her in mid-flight.
Gravity is a real thing, it taught me just how fast it can win over the situation at any time......
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