It has been a busy winter in that My husband Tony has been studying for the BAR exam everyday since Thanksgiving.....some days we don't go anywhere all day long but with him distracted and in his own world, I enjoy my own music downstairs as I organize the clothes closet or deep clean the kitchen cupboards.
My pets have been very lazy, cuddly and happy we are all together almost all through this winter. I have been getting the car serviced and updated while taking each pet to the vet for an overall check up. It is nice to start the new Year out on the right foot, I was a bit stressed out last week as my cockier spaniel Minnie had surgery and my miniature schnauzer Oscar had his teeth cleaned, to which they removed 7 teeth! My life of old pets has come full circle to my attention now.......I always said "in 15 or 16 years from now I will have to say goodbye to my baby boy, but not until THEN...." Oscar will be 10 this fall so I am in shock that those years I use to think about are really HERE and NOW, when Eddie passed away the day after my birthday I felt lost in the sadness and the reality of time, like I am loosing my story telling self, my writing self because it never ends the beginning and ending of life forces all around me!
The choices I make right now to slow down, to read my book in bed full of recovering pets makes time stand still only for a moment.....my life always has stages, has routines and responsibilities. Right now it's about appreciating everything I have. You will not find me trying to race off somewhere, I am not interesting in traveling or seeing the world when my home is so perfect and my pets are so connected to me.
The long phone conversations with the ones I love, or the long soak in a salty bath makes me think about what is changing in me through all these things.....
When I began my research on self-love, I asked "How did I always know that I had self-value? That I practice self-love before I ever really thought about it?" My balance of being, my strengths and identity doesn't come from any other person in my life, especially with my husband who would say that he doesn't make me who I am, he just appreciates who I am. We have been together for such a long time now that this life wouldn't work so well without the other. He enjoys the cats and dogs just as long as he doesn't have to clean up after them. I enjoy staying home far more then he does, we create a balance sharing our lives. Yesterday I made him a candle light dinner from a very low budget and I was so impress it looked perfectly romantic! I feel like I haven't really look at him in such a long time through the stress of studying, and pet care. My husband said "You are always saying how different we are, but I think we are more alike then you want admit. We are alike in the places where it counts." I had to agree as we chatted over dinner I explained "Well in my quest to understand Self Love better, I realize you and I have that inside ourselves. To know what is right or wrong for ourselves, to live with grace and most importantly to live with kindness towards each other." It was an interesting topic of course, self love. It is about protecting your own value, respecting others in knowing they have value too and being able to say "I need a nap." or "I need to eat, rest or just be alone right now." is very important for self repairs and self focus in gaining strength again to go out into the world.
When I am healthy and happy my whole life shines with a strong foundation to be there for others, to be there for my pets who need constant care as they grow elderly. When I am sad and sick then I give myself space away from everything to heal. In these dark winter days, I admire this time to withdrawn and reflect....self love is vital to paying attention to my body, my mind and my purpose.
I count it all joy to live through all the seasons, from staying home all day in my PJ's to walking downtown getting all my chores done. From dog sitting for a friend to cooking up a storm for a big party, all in celebration of LOVE this month I am grateful, I am in awe of everything!