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Saturday, December 26, 2015

Friends First

          Ericka sat across the table from me looking as beautiful as always for we were warming up in restaurant on that cold winter's night as we chatted about anything and everything, it had been a fun active evening from one event to other downtown then stopping off for a bite to eat the street outside our window was lit up in Christmas lights for the holidays were just around the corner as she asked very thoughtfully almost hesitate  "So how does it work being married and sharing money? I've never had someone else in my bank account like that." 
I chuckled happily understanding her question completely, because I have asked myself this very same question before.... 
I reply instantly with a huge smile knowing the subject of money is always tricky "It works because we communicate where every little penny goes. I often annoy Tony with my constant detail update on purchases and why, of course it took some life lessons to figure out our system. I don't like to go shopping much unless it's for something important. and I will let him know when I am planning ahead for a girls night out which makes it easier on our budget. I would say honesty, our many conversations and friendship is how we share our money....friendship being the key I think...."
She smiled back "you two are just so cute, really you guys are good for each other."

Friendship is the key to a lot of things in my life, when I first met Ericka at a summer evening BBQ, we connected naturally and soon found each other in the facebook world, making plans to hang out more and more to which now I couldn't imagine not having her in my every day life! Friends are the joy and spice we need for safety and companionship. The most important part of a marriage is friendship first, passion and romance never last as long as friendship. I was very guarded when I first met my husband, we were friends for 6 months before calling him my boyfriend sounded just perfect and our many long honest conversations challenged our foundation for wanting to share our lives with each other. Once when I was out walking with a friend we chatted up about what makes a good relationship and  I said "Even if Tony and I get a divorce, we will still always be friends, that is how we are, always coming back to each other with laughter and respect. We don't have to be in love all the time but we do want what is best for the could come down to him wanting different things out his life then what I want so naturally staying together or not staying together doesn't take away our friendship, not ever."
Friendship is the foundation for life long stories and for memories, for helping, for creating and for simply just being! 

Growing up I was always looking for a best friend, someone to grow old with me and always share in big adventures! While learning some friends never wanted that kind of friendship, I was surprised by each and every friend who hurt me yet realizing that it wouldn't change me from still sharing  my life out int the world, however I did notice my trusting skills sharpen and get better at judging who would be a good friend or not. This is a part of the painful journey in searching for a heart of gold! 
Good friends never hurt you, and they love growing old with you too! 
Looking back through out my life it was my friends who rescued me, who helped me merge into the real world and who gave me the strength in being real and honest about who I am! So it's natural for me to put friends first because unlike with family I have never felt trapped when I am with my friends!
During my mother's stroke 4 years ago I handed out my cell phone to my teenage brothers in the quiet waiting room of the hospital saying "Here Guys, you can use my phone to call your friends now if ya want." They looked at me oddly so I continued on "Ya know, to let them know where you are and what is happening today....?" They began to smirk and shake their heads all 3 walking by me chuckling at my phone hanging out there for them, then explaining "We don't have any friends like that, our friends are all through Mom's friends, like I guess we play with their kids if we go visit but we don't have our own friends." I was left bewildered and confused because my 16 year old brother didn't seemed alarmed over the fact they don't have any personal friends....when I was 16 I had half a dozen friends or at least 3 of them would of came running on such a sad day to sit with me!?!? I grew up in such a different style of family then my own brothers.....I sat for while outside the hospital calling my best friend Benny to cry through the phone as she comforted me on "You knew those boys were sheltered and guarded severely by your mother, I bet they don't even mind not having any's you who understand and feels that great loss because you were born seeking friends and even if your mom had kept you in a box you would of made up some friends from whatever you had around ya, because that was the desire of your heart to be connected to this world...,,so I will be there this evening we will talk more about all of this in person, hang in there Debster Dear." I walked through that sunny afternoon heat dazed and completely beat down and glad to have so many good friends in my life for such a time as that!
Friendship is the greatest gift we could ever give each other for it will always out last anything we could ever buy!

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