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Friday, October 24, 2014

My Life series

         When I look back over my life, I realize just how lucky I was to have my mother's parents in my life every day as I grew up, They gave me a different perspective on the world around me from what I was being told from my parents. Whenever I needed to get away from my hormonal mother, or casually hide from my angered father in order to stay out of his way of yelling, I escaped into my grandparents house just a walk up the hill from my own home. I learned over time how my open honesty about my dysfunctional parents was best kept to myself because Grandma would flip out at her daughter for letting me feel so afraid in our home, then my mother would turn on me saying "NO ONE can know what happens in this home or you will be grounded from ever going back up the hill to see your grandparents...they don't need to know anything that happens in here." I was terrified that at any moment my grandparents would be forbidden from me because I told them to much about how I saw my parents relationship or how the dramas in my home were making me hide in their home instead. When they sent me home in the evenings I would beg to stay with them instead, sometimes I would cry not sure what to do next because the fighting and screaming in my home was out of control. This is when Grandma sense something hidden and guarded in me so she would pray with me. This was my saving grace as young 12 year old girl by the time I was 13 clinging to God was the ONLY way I knew how to coop. In honor of my Grandma Norma who worried about me daily explaining to me how a good church and a good friend was so important in living a good life. I look back in awe that I had her in my life right when I was so desperately lonely and insecure. From 11 years old to 14 years old my parents had a huge battle with each other that I couldn't talk about it with anyone except God. (I am so grateful I had this idea of a listening good God especially from my Grandma's child like faith.) Those were scary years as my mother wanted more babies and my father didn't, as my sister challenged every single rule and as my desire to see the world out there felt so trapped. Being in my Grandparents home was my "hiding place" I was always very safe there! Grandpa was the kind of guy who read his bible every morning but never preached loud and bossy in my face so I liked his simple calmness, finding him to sit next to while not saying anything was good for my mind to relax again. He saw the need for animals to be fed and given water, to be trusting and confident for all the animals to belong and be cared for! I took from him the knowledge and skills to see the world like he does, I took from my Grandma how to dress classy with good table manners in eating out downtown or in how to shop in style. (My mother still lives for those days of shopping all day with her Mother and sisters memories, she says they were the best days of her life) I am ever so thankful to of had such good grandparents in my childhood when I so desperately needed help, I can see now how if they hadn't been there for me I wouldn't be who I am today! I owe them so much for every beautiful breath and in every single second that I live this great  peaceful life of nature's beauty and respect towards a good image of God for my heart and soul. My life series starts first with me running up the hillside to the big farm house as Grandma canned cherries and Grandpa set out a dish of milk for the stray cat. I miss them so much and I am in awe that they lived a life style that I now have created for myself too!

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