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Thursday, August 8, 2013

To The Dreams

It's been over a full year now of living in my cozy farm house. When my best friend Benny walked through it last summer after most of the unpacking was done she asked "Isn't this place bigger then your cottage next door? Even the back yard seems much better too?" I shrugged as I explained to her how weird it is not being able to talk from any room and be heard. Benny chuckled "You are so funny Deb, more bedrooms or space doesn't ever impress you I have noticed. Yet  you go on and on about the yard, You like being outside more then anyone I know! This place is still so new I get that, but you'll have it down soon to look like your own space. I really like it!" Benny was right about how I needed time to create my own cozy place, This lot is huge, surrounded by trees and bushes, of gardens here and there. With the fire pit and the patio I keep myself very busy. In th middle of June I called Benny "It's an AMAZING nice summer evening! I have my 32 0unce of gin&tonic thinking of YOU! Tony is out with the guys playing pool being kinda silly,I wish you were here with me in all this girlie gossip! I even made a flower vase of my roses out here too...." Benny chuckled "Sounds like you've made this house your home....I knew you would." I thoughtfully reply "Once I stop thinking of it as my neighbors home, I came around." Benny asked "What have you planted into your garden?" I chuckled "only seeds of everything, I have the tightest budget ever right now, ironic really....." Sitting into the summer sun set talking to my best friend was so much fun, I watched the trees move in the breeze listening to Benny. She explained "I want a house like yours big and roomy, maybe even a bit older here in Chicago....I don't know though." I watched the dogs and cats move about the grass in the backyard as I sat with the phone to my ear. "I really wish you were old times summer evenings chilling out, talking. Tony has been restless lately where as I never want to leave home right now" Benny chuckled "Sounds normal to me...." We laughed together, we gossiped some more and caught up on all our plans to meet up in 2 more weeks. My home was glowing against the orange sun light in the cool summer breeze, It wasn't going to be a June I ever liked in the end with the rain and winds, with the sudden freeze and all the other events canceled or was a June unlike any the last week of that month Benny died and I was left to wander the world outside in a daze, in complete useless strength.
My dreams give me an escape, It's been over a whole year now of dreaming that I live in a "tree house". Funny but true, this place becomes a tree house in my deep dreams every single time!
Perhaps because when I look out any window or door there is a tree trunk or some branches, there is this endless sense of being on a small farm when I step into my big backyard.
I love my dreams, I want to stay there in them almost every morning I wake.....because things make sense in my dreams I get to have long conversations and feel connected to everyone in my dreams better then in real life.....This idea of living in a tree is both crazy and clever!
I can recall the very first tree house dream I had when my new landlord Alex asked me if I could climb a rope latter to the front door everyday......rather odd I thought to live so high up in the sky but yes I could! I had to think of ways to make an elevator for the rest of my family of course, somehow in my dreams we tried to build a lift to get others up into the house with us safely, my dreams began on the first night I slept here this whole tree house idea stays with me as real as any old day in my life. Not very many people put much stock into dreams I have noticed, but I really cling to mine for meaning, I want to live in my deep sleep dreams more and more the older I grow. I want to ask why do I live in a tree house? What does that symbolize for me? Why must I always be rescuing animals and people from down below? In my dreams my best friend is always still alive, I have open honest conversations with my father that would otherwise never actually unfold. In my dreams I feel so safe, so secure and so loved, then at times panicked because the rest of the world needs a tree house too! In my dreams life feels excitedly magical, romantic and amazing because no matter who I am dreaming about we are very close in all conversations.....
Here's one tree house dream;
My sister snorted and rolled her eyes "My kids just colored on the wall, I had to take the tire swing down because they are being such brats." She blew cigarette smoke out from the branch we both sat on, I smiled back "Who cares? It just crayon I can paint over the wall when they leave....don't take down my favorite swing!" My sister Dana looked at me annoyingly stating "You just don't get it." I woke up realizing it's been maybe almost 3 years since my sister and I have talked like that.
I love my dreams while living in this home, for it takes me up, up into a big old tree of magical proportions!
Each dream is teaching me something, challenging and helping me come to peace with all my inner thoughts and ideas.
Often the way life is and the way my dreams unfold don't match up very well. Perhaps that is why I am always paying attention after I wake to ask what's it all about? This huge tree house where I go whenever I sleep?

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