A Book Review "Sarah's Key"

For the BCB, (Book Club Bitches) this year has been fun in sharing a book once a month. I have made it to every meeting and discovered reading books that are out of my comfort zone has been good for me too! (Not all stories can be about Dogs and happy endings hahahaha) I was able to share my favorite author, Jon Katz and his novel "Rose in a Storm" in this book club. I still prefer my dog/farm stories, just being made aware of all the different novels and different emotions in these other books was good. Most of our group slowly dropped off, these kind of groups usually do. We ended up becoming a comfortable handful of friends. I had first worried this book club would be a power struggle of some very strong willed women, then I worried it would be a showy event of computations as sometimes women can be judging. I have wondered for such a long time why some Women do not feel comfortable around other women, or why do some women attack and hurt each other? As I have grown up I have come to realize I don't fit into most women circles and had my doubts about the beginning of this book club. I LOVE being girlie, having kindred spirits in other girlie friends makes it even more special. I just wish I could answer my own questions about women in our society, what drives them to play games or be mean? I believe we have just as much ability to do good and be that everlasting friend! In our Book club, we read "Sarah's Key", it was a powerful story about the Holocaust, this shares how in Paris the Jews were taken from their homes. Sarah is a young girl, who tries to protect her little brother, she doesn't realize such a choice as that will follow her through out the rest of her life. This book has that style of modern day lives followed up with flash backs. I use to protest this style of writing because I connected to one part of the story first, I hated being "Interrupted" for the second story line. One time I read a book like this and ONLY read the captures of the first story then went back and read the other chapters I had skipped of the second story. My Mother-in-law thought that was a crazy way to read the book. In discussing "Sarah's Key" We sat outside on the first warm day this spring. This was Betty Jo's home, full of her artistic nature this cottage was simply adorable! I loved every room and every corner of it! Even before I had parked my car pulling up I knew this was going to be a beautiful place to meet, Betty Jo has been a life long friend with my Mother-in-law JoAnne and I could see clearly their shared artistic natures and humor. As I watched them laugh and visit, I felt so lucky to be apart of this book club and a part of their lives! For Betty Jo made personal onion soups with sweet caramelized onion and croutons, along with cute personalized quiches and red wine. We had a bowl of melted chocolate to dip our strawberries into on that warm spring evening. We laughed and shared our thoughts about this important book, as we welcomed in the fresh new spring on that cozy patio, we wondered if we would ever be surprise again if soldiers began rounding up our neighborhood children and how important it is to let your kids know what is going on in the world for their safety. We got teary eyed, we shared and we discussed. It was one of the best book discussions ever! I left the evening feeling so happy to of had such a good time with delightful women and how I will always be willing to put myself out there for a new friend and even most importantly to give all women a place of refuge with my life.

Biking the Green Belt

In the summer I was 16, my church had a young adult gathering in the Boise park. Where we all were going to ride our bikes up one side of the Boise River all way around to the other side on the Greenbelt. I was so excited and so out of shape that by the time the ride was on, I wasn't set up to go. My mother was terrified of this whole event, she gave us kids a long lecture of all the rules for biking the greenbelt in the big city of Boise. I suppose because she grew up out on a orchard farm safe from possible homeless people. The greenbelt was a wonderful place to bike or walk or just sit and read. After I grew up and moved to Boise there wasn't anything scary around me and I wondered where did all that fear in my mother come from? I remember when I was 16 years old and when I was truly excited with more energy then I knew what to do with on this biking event! I had been listening to a christian radio program that very same morning "Adventures in Odyssey" it was a cliff hanging episode, so when I saw my beloved friend Rebekah she came running up as we jumped up and down twirling into each other at the fact we hated the "Be continued" of our favorite radio program. I remembered my mom's long list of rules for biking, Like she said nervously  "You can not bike alone at all or you will be grounded. THIS is very important." and second "You have to look out for your brother and sister at all times." and three "DO NOT stop to talk to strangers even if some of the other kids do." I remember the rules because I asked my mom why was she so upset, she answered this a place full of homeless crazy people, big cities have many problems. I found myself looking everywhere to see a homeless person and actually I never did. My annoying friend who really wasn't a friend at all,Whisper came along complaining about her knee or her arm or her head ache. She found me instantly as she asked if I would be her biking partner, I pictured her biking only past 2 or 3 trees saying she was done. I didn't know how to just say "Nope." in a nice way, my beloved friend Tiffany mumbled to me "Why are you so nice, she is just using you!" I sighed looking sadly at the sudden mess being nice had got me into. When the whole biking group took off, my mom began shouting at me all wildly waving her arms and pushing me off to be with the rest of the moving group, I was startled by her actions and she said forcefully that if I didn't get riding I was going to be to far behind and she was not going to allow me to bike after all. My partner Whisper had crashed her bike before we even started and acted all dramatic while I was helping her up through the chaos. My mom was so angered by this, she said that I had picked a bad lazy fat partner to bike with. I didn't know what to do but I was wanting to go on this bike ride with everyone else so as my mother pushed me on the path I quickly took off. It was impossible to catch up to the whole gang, so I just cried for most of the first part of the bike path. I think I cried because I felt bad that Whisper crashed into the ground before we ever started riding. (Although looking back I bet it was intentional) Then I also cried because my mom was so alarmed and so mad at me, I didn't understand why. I cried because being 16 years old was one of the worse years in the whole of my life, if I had planned it better I would have taken a short cut across the bridge and gave myself some peace and quiet before the group came back around. That bike ride was scenic and peaceful, I soon calmed myself down enough to just enjoy it. As I pedal thinking to myself "I'm in trouble already, I'm so alone out here that she will kill me for sure!"  My beloved friend Tiffany and her brother Zach were waiting for me around the bend of the river and when I saw them I burst out into new tears this time from having such good thoughtful friends like them! The three of us talked about my mother's rules and why they were so strict. Tiffany explained that my mother had been to much NEWS for they always have some kind of warning about strangers on the greenbelt. After the break when we all catch back up with each other, Tiffany biked with Rebekah for awhile as Zach and I stayed together avoiding the chaos of all the other teenagers with their racing games. Zach, Tiffany's brother pedaled thoughtfully staying with me saying "Everyone is missing out on this beautiful scenery around here by all this racing...I like taking my time to enjoy the afternoon!" I laughed back exclaiming "ME TOO! I would think it gets tiring being a boy and having to keep up or stay competitive all the time!" Zach nodded in his reply over his shoulder as we biked all the way back to our picnic place. "I would think it is tiring being a girl and always having to be nice to everyone, especially if all ya want to do is ride your bike!" I burst out laughing even more and agreeing. It was a perfect ride back and I wasn't alone so my mom will not be madly waiting for me to turn up. When we saw our whole group gathering around the fresh BBQ, Zach said "Well now we can't be friends anymore..." I frowned confused "Why?" I asked annoyed for I truly enjoyed his friendship and his open honesty with me on that ride, I loved all the things we talked about and we watched out for each other. He shrugged "I don't make the rules, but if we hang out with each other like just friends everyone else will gossips, You heard my sister earlier say that everyone is looking for juicy story!" I snorted and shook my head because I wasn't going to be intimated. "Well, we are not Everyone...we are friends and I am sitting with YOU over lunch!" I marched right over and claimed 2 seats for us to eat our hamburgers with my chin just a bit more higher then usual and Zach just laughed!

Singsperation

Growing up living on a Orchard farm, we didn't have very many visitors or even contact with the outside world. Our Grandparents were usually the only adults we saw. It was a very sheltered life being homeschooled by our mother who viewed the public school system as a corrupted, sinful, brain washing organization that the government used to control people. I am surprised at times looking back that I EVER had the "guts" to talk to a stranger after everything I was told from my parents. At first I really wanted to go to school when I saw my older cousins get on a bus, then as I grew older I was terrified of such a place. The one place I left like it was safe, the one building I wanted to live at....was CHURCH. Funny, now it has been 10 years since I have attended church like that. Back in my day it was a wonderful place, Safer then public school and full of my dearest friends! I volunteered for everything as I grew old hoping to be at church just a bit longer and be around people more. The only thing I did NOT like volunteering for was the 5th Sunday night of every month, when my church had an evening service dedicated to just singing. Everyone in the church family could sign up and sing in groups or a solo or just play a musical instrument.It was called a "Singsperation", usually families came together to sing in front of the Congregation in a way that praised God and help us be reflective on our own spiritual soul. When I was 11 years old I remember my very first Singsperation when my beloved friend Tiffany played the piano and afterwords I stood up clapping and cheering after her only to suddenly realize NO ONE was clapping like me, I sat down quickly feeling the heat raise up my cheeks, there were a few chuckles and sympathetic looks. My Mother looked horrified at me and I never forgot that confusion as I had been working so hard to befriend Tiffany and get her to like me. She came up to later after that church service to explain to me that no one claps for the music, it is about honoring and praising God not our own vanity. So the place is stone cold with people watching others preform but they can NEVER response in some kind of reaction other then a confident "Amen". I took note of how people reaction and learned how to join in. Even though I attended that church for 11 straight years I never did like that no one clapped on Singsperation Sunday. But I DID LOVE that service the most! I loved singing camp fires songs in church or choosing my favorite hymns to sing! I loved listening to people sing and always felt like those Sundays were the best to sit with friends and have fun. Shortly after our new baby brother Daren was born in 1992, our mother was inspired by an idea, that HER kids could sing for singsperation! Now usually my mother didn't like attracting ANY attention to herself at church. So on  the day she said to my sister Dana and I that we will sing in front of everyone at church, I couldn't help but laughed out loud! Mom had it all figured out in her mind it was going to be perfect and wonderful. In the look my sister shot me said otherwise. I will always remember THAT conversation!  
Mom continued "I am serious! Dana can play her guitar and all of you kids can sing!" 
I replied "But she has JUST started teaching herself how to play. she isn't very good yet...and what would we sing?" Mom smiled proudly saying "You can sing any number of the songs you already know with Dana's guitar."
Dana snorted rolling her eyes "Debby can't sing." I nodded eagerly in agreement. I had once imagined my singing to be like some famous country star singer only to realize it was truly NOT!  
Mom waved her hand to silence us as she looked through our song records to find one for us to sing. Our brother Derek was thrown in with us as we were told to practice everyday over the month. Derek's voice was changing as he tried to sing and I found myself laughing so hard that tears rolled down my cheeks when he squeaked a musical note. It is one my most favorite memories those sunny afternoons with Dana holding her guitar as Derek and I stand together reading the song words from the same music sheet. Then before long I am falling face first into my sister's leg laughing again as Derek frowns explaining he doesn't want to do this. Our mother won't let him off the hook although Dana said when I started giggling I made our practice time longer. No matter how many times we told our mother we were NOT ready for the big time church service she would just shrug saying back "Practice makes perfect." Dana said there was just no reasoning with her once she made up her mind that HER kids were preforming. When the night came for us to sing, mostly terrified we stood in front of maybe 2oo people not able to stop shaking as we sung, we tried to follow each other's voices. It was such a struggle for me to look up seeing all eyes on me, then I would forget where I was in the song by this distraction. Derek found his safe spot standing behind me as much as he could. He seemed to almost stop singing all together and Dana strumming one cord at a time. She was doing really good for not having ever been shown how to play! I felt sweaty as I sung realizing my voice was the loudest. It was odd for us to be on stage most everyone was paying attention so I kept my eyes on my feet hoping to stay on tune. The song could not end fast enough for us!  We knew we hadn't done very good, we knew we were actually never going to get even close to sounding okay. BUT we still did it! I was proud of that fact mostly that we at least risked it. The important thing to note is that our Mom never asked us to sign up for Singsperation ever again!

Words of the song, "Beautiful day" by U2

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
But there's no room
No space to rent in this town
You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere
You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Always
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace
Always

It's a beautiful day
Day
The sky falls and you feel like
Day
It's a beautiful day
Day
Don't let it get away
Day

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination
You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you
Always

It's a beautiful day
Day
Don't let it get away
Day
It's a beautiful day
Day, day
Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by clouds
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light and
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

Day, day

It was a beautiful day
Day
Don't let it get away
Day
Beautiful day
Day, day

Touch me
Day
Take me to that other place
Day
Reach me
Day
I know I'm not a hopeless case
Day

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
It was a beautiful day
Day

It's warm in the sun, I reach to the sun

My Knitting

My knitting needles are some of my most favorite things to hold while relaxing and listening to the radio or my auto books on my ipod. While I enjoy seeing things come together as I knit, I have found that sitting outside in the warmth of the sun helps me stay focus and finish my project. So far I have been knitting the last 7 years and have ONLY ever made a scarf. When I realized this, I changed it to wash cloths for my mom. Now, I can say I knit squares and long snake like scarfs. I should challenge myself to try other things really! I did create a new looking mixed and match scarf made from all my odd pieces of left over yarn. It was amazing to see this hippy wacky scarf come together! Soon after that I started making all kind of weird patterns in my colors of scarfs. For Christmas my brother Doug gave me bright red yarn so that I could make myself a scarf and I LOVED that kind of gift! I made that scarf in a week so I could show him the finished product. My knitting will grow with me as I go and as I REALLY want to create a hat now, but the knitted socks kinda freak me out! For I look closely at all the details in knitting those wondering if I could pull it off or not:-}
When I work at the Fair every year I find myself starring at the ladies spinning yarn. I love the old wooden wheels moving along as the ladies visit turning wads of sheep wool into strong dyed yarns. What a transformation! What a lost art! What an amazing world of knitting and yarn there is! I want to keep learning and improving my love for the clicking of the needles and the magic of simple string becoming something useful, Something beautiful!

Words of the song, "One Step Closer" by U2

I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I own

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well, the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer slowing

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing
To knowing

Oprah, My Oprah!

It is a sad day to say goodbye to the Oprah show, When it came to my connection to pop culture before the magical Google option. I would watch OPRAH for the insightful perspective. I loved her real honest smile on the TV screen. How she conducted herself with confidence and thoughtfulness. In my eyes she was beautiful before she lost all that weight even! She was vibrant and visually approachable on screen. I knew she didn't know me at all but I looked forward to watching her at 4pm every afternoon. In her 2002 Oscar dress I stared in awe by her beauty, by her soft chocolate skin, for she had such genuine happiness! (I took that very style of dress for my own wedding dress, I felt like she had my very same shoulders and wide chest.) She said on her show that real women REALLY do have curves. She had to become comfortable in her own skin right there on TV. Not everyone was going to like her, I am glad that I did! Oprah became part of the afternoon background noise at the family own cafe I worked for. These shows were discussed at my mother-in-laws BBQ dinners, when she would start by asking "Did you watch Oprah today?...." And I loved arriving ready to discuss the latest show or topic. Sometimes when I would hear myself saying "Well now Oprah says white pants are making a come back, a very popular look for spring." I would chuckle to myself, As if I even knew ANYTHING about style or new looks for the season! That is just what Oprah did for being apart of every day life and bringing us all together to watch her. Mama Jojo would be calling me on my cell phone as I glanced at the clock with alarm while I answered her explaining quickly "I almost forgot! I am turning it on right now!" Mom laughed excitedly as she replied "It is SO GOOD! I thought of YOU right away for you would LOVE this job of "make overs" for a bedroom or living room, Quick! the commercials are almost over, gotta go, bye!" Mama Jojo was never one for a long goodbye on the phone. I would then sit focused on the TV screen with her same excitement over Oprah's new topics. When the hurricane Katrina hit and Oprah did her very special report I found myself curled up in my blanket on the couch crying like a baby at the suffering of all those people. I think the lessons learned and shows shared teach us about the world and how important it is to take the time to learn of someone's stories and what they went through. I believe that it takes a true sincere heart to connect to another person, it takes bravery to get up in front of everyone and be a real person. To give honestly apart of yourself to the others around you. Oprah had what it takes And she did an amazingly great job!


So with a bittersweet feeling, I say GOODBYE Oprah and THANK YOU for sharing your advice, your life and your love with us all!