Into Winter nights

To the darkness that starts to roll in so very early, to the wind and snow, to the freezing early mornings where you see your own breath slow, to the uncertainty of the roads or of the huge rainfall I say into winter we go! 
With extra blankets and pillows we make it through the cold along with all our pets to hold! I say to the soon to be spring that I've been missing ya so!
Night time routines change with each season's thing, learning how to adjust, how to calmly take it all on is what I love about each new year and each new day!
Lately I've been putting this list of  
7 steps before bed into practice and it's truly relaxing if only I could teach my often restless playful cats these steps to follow then we would all sleep much deeper!
These 7 steps are such a help and a perfect guideline for getting ready for bed, yet in this list I have noticed my biggest challenge is stretching before bed since my body is so tightly set now through all this winter's cold I am going to really focus on this step above all else yet when done in line with this list I sleep the best ever! Winter is such a "inside season" where every tid bit helps us get through it, where every sunny moment is a treasure for our skin! My favorite part of winter is all the cuddling of my cats and dogs of course especially when they are snuggled down into each other, into my back or my legs I think we all know how to hibernate by now!

Into Old Age

I was 22 years old so I remember it very well, the summer my Grandparents died. My Grandma had sudden brain cancer and my Grandpa had prolonged Parkinson disease. 

When I was 21 years old when I remember my Grandma had called our farm house in such a panic because her husband fell down and she couldn't get him back up. It was then that I first realized she was completely worn out in caring for him 24/7 long nights and his high pain from damaged nerves shaking so visually for the rest of us to see.

When I was 20 years old when my mother sat nursing her newborn baby as Grandma came down the hill from her home in full on tears asking my mom for more help. I was already helping Grandma with cleaning her huge home, but the aging process is such a slow thing that when one really needs help it's hard to suddenly notice. My Mom sat nursing and chewing out her mother for being such an overly dramatic person. Then my Grandma asked to hold my baby brother as my mother snapped at her "Nope, you said getting pregnant again was a stupid thing to do." I walked over to my embarrassed Grandma changing the subject knowing that my mother having more babies with no money in savings is why my Grandma had once said that. Yet now with this beautiful adorable little boy was in our arms all of our fears of the future washed away, making the whole planning ahead wisely irrelevant. 
My Grandma was lost in her own changing aging concerns, new grandchild arriving seemed to comfort her for only a moment. 
and I will always hope my baby brothers had a better childhood then me, that they will find old age to be better then all of our generations combine. 
When I was 22 I would stayed 3 days and 3 nights each week at my Grandparents as they were dying, they were wandering and they were falling down. So I lived in high alert and high fear that if they hurt themselves on my watch I would be skinned alive. So in all reality I never slept during those days, I would of LOVED this heel to floor alert device back in those sad days. Once I had a dream back then so vivid and so real I can still remember it, as I dozed off to sleep on the edge of my grandparents bed I thought my Grandpa who was determined to sneak out of bed whenever no one was watching had fallen down the short set of steps by the bedrooms I woke up shouting out loud "Grandpa!" he then looked at me in alarm, calmly still in his bed he waited for me to stop crying as I chuckle in pure relief to see his wide eyes at my sleeping outburst "I guess I was dreaming, I saw you falling down the stairs, it was SO real and SO scary!"  He nodded and smirked as I got up to make breakfast all shaky....I noticed after that he didn't fight me so much on getting out of bed without my help, maybe he felt bad knowing he gave me a real nightmare. 

In the future with this new technology we can make caring for our elderly a little better. Nowadays I wonder what we can do to help stroke victims sleep better at night, walk better in a paralyzed world. My Mother arrived to old age faster then anyone I have ever known before, for after her huge stroke she shared that she feels like an 80 year old woman now, yet she can never sleep at night. I am always reading up on how to improve one's health and how to help with better recovery for people like her.......I think if we understand how old age works then we can invent things to help us care for each other better! This tedtalk moved me to have hope for the future and to be reflective over how nice it would of been to have such device when I cared for my Grandparents.

Into the whole 30

It's been fun cooking a different kind of meat almost every night, I am getting back into our old style of eating it is like coming out of the woods for sure!
It was in 2011 that our paleo cookbooks came to our kitchen counters and our bodies changed forever for the better! Even all my in-laws got on boat loosing weight and feeling more playful in their 5th decade of life, How inspiring it all was in that romantic year that I often wonder what happen since then for myself? Was it my mother's stroke, was having to move when I didn't want to? Was the stressful schedule as my husband started law school that made me suddenly see my life change tragically???
Suddenly I needed comfort instead of caring about nutrition, suddenly I spiraled into gaining weight again and mood swings I was not sue to.....all the while I told myself "I can stop anytime, whenever I want to." JUST like a drug addict in protest over a bad habit in their life style, because sugar is a drug to me. It is a sweet poison that when life totally sucks I found fake happiness and comfort.

Of course in June of 2013 I was already on edge, with challenges in my marriage and an over all frustration with myself which makes me think it is all connected in not feeling healthy, in not feeling connected to the better part of the world......that was the summer I never went to bed without a gin&tonic or a hard lemon aid in hand because I was deeply hurting, it was like my blood ran thick and my bones ached in the soreness of sadness that never broke away for a break......I still can feel it when I remember that sad summer, my grief still flares up here and there making me say "Fuck it, I NEED a drink!" but that cocktail can never bring my best friend back to me, back to the bar stool beside me like old times when we gossiped and giggle freely......so I know exactly why I basically gave it all up, gave up on that joy in nutrition and good health. There are always going to be sad stories, many different types of excuses to keep kicking my sugar addiction ball down the road.
My focus on living to hundred means I need to dial it all back in right now, not later when I find happiness again, not when I have accomplished a life's dream or when I can see my best friend again because those things are not the beginning to this moment of right now........

Benny chuckled through the phone saying "You need to move here to Chicago and cook me one of those amazing homemade meals of yours! I'm seriously sick of take out here in my hotel room." I groaned back "Ooooh man, that would be so hard living in a hotel room for so long...I hate it when we go on vacation with no kitchen because after a few days I'm itching to cook something better to eat! hahahahaha" She replied thoughtfully "You have been looking really healthy from the pics on Facebook so you must be doing something right, I'm just not inspired on my own BUT if YOU were around me then I would be! hahahahaha" I happily shared with her some of my new recipes saying cheerfully "Life is short, after my mother's stroke I realized I can't afford to be lazy about sugar's poison anymore."

Today is the second week into "The whole 30."  I am starting to feel better, even more alert once again without the sugar rush I have been allowing in my life. Happiness is apart of my gratefulness in having known such a friend as Benny, now it's time that I don't avoid a healthier choice in living along side all of our losses and our grief.
These 30 days of  NO sugar, NO alcohol, NO grains, NO dairy, NO caffeine have been a familiar of taste of what once made me feel so strong when I step out into the sunshine and declared 
"I want to LIVE!" 

To cook kale; heat skillet on medium heat with a big spoonful of Coconut oil as it all melt toss kale leaves sprinkle salt and pepper then stir around awhile until it looks the way ya like it.
Then cut avocado in half scoop out with spoon pile on salsa.
To roast goose; heat oven 325' put into roasting pan poke it all over with a fork then salt and pepper all over then into the heated oven, wait 45 minuets or until the internal heat is 130' then take it out cut off the breast of the goose, then the rest go back into the oven until the thigh is 170', sear skin side down after it all comes out of the oven in a medium heated skillet with ghee or coconut oil for 3 minuets. The cut for the dinner plate and enjoy an almost steak like texture!

(The best way I remember nutrition is like the yen and yang symbol, with the alkaline and the acidity balancing each other perfectly)

Moments in the Woods

Into the Woods

 

   "Into the Woods" I knew it the moment I saw Meryl Streep that I AM going to LOVE this movie! Now I hardly ever go to movie theaters anymore, yet in making new friends this year I have been more in the last 3 months now then in ALL the last 3 years combine.....funny how life unfolds. I was impressed with myself in seeing every film listed at our local movie theater last month. I am so use to going alone since my husband dislikes such places, yet over this holiday break he attended a movie with me only complaining once trying hard not to complain out loud less I counted that as negative attitude in my quest to make life happier for us. 
Going to the movies on my own is the most romantic magical experiences for me because I miss out on NOTHING, I take it all in with such wonder! Like in every chair and every light, in every word and every move from the big screen or from all around me! I really love sinking into another world fully and completely! I look forward to feeling the emotions in the story before me. I take it all in as if it as my own life, my own stories.....I enjoy relating and being lead to think more about the show when it is over.
 Going to the movie theater alone allows me such piece of mind, such well being.
Yet going with a friend I love our shared laughter and tears while watching it at the same time and I love feeling like it's a night on the town simply walking arm in arm reflectively or debating over the whole experience together!
As Shanna and I went together to see "Into the Woods" in the middle of the school day, we were laughing at how rare it was to be there and how fun to do something so different in our day while she said "I think you are the only friend I know who would like seeing this with me." I laughed kindheartedly because I knew exactly what she meant, I live for fairy tales, so this movie delighted me in every way! 
I noticed how nice it was to burst out laughing together, to cheer on together and to lean in saying at the same time "How PERFECT!" then giggle even more. Friends are so important to our good health, I am grateful to have such hearts of gold for random afternoon flicks like that.
Then as Johnny Depp suddenly appeared on screen, I squealed out "YES!" in delighted surprise as Shanna laughed on at me as there were not very many movie goers around us I explained "This is my kind of world, my kind of movie completely!" She nodded on proudly saying "So I noticed." then we happily watched all the magic unfold.....

Ain't life sweet

Cloudburst

There is such deep beauty in getting old for me and I can not wait! Maybe it is the knowing time is short so go have an adventure right away that thrills my senses and my hope in the future! Maybe it is the companionship, the caring for each other as we grow old that comes into focus more where as I see young people so busy in their lives, busy in business and busy trying to get rich....that I sigh with anticipation for my gray hair days of sweet peace and calmness in my soul over knowing exactly who I am. Whenever I visit my mother I tell her how I truly love her gray hair it's different shades of gray all curly very much like Dotty's in the movie "Cloudburst" in fact when I first watch this film I thought instantly of my own mother. She wants to go on an adventure so bad she can almost taste it then her parallelized side reminds her that she can't do anything like she use to so she hates being old, she also hates her gray hair and well her whole life now. I feel sorry in not having the power to heal her again, it teaches me so much in what she shares and I know whenever I visit her that I can bring the laughter and love with me. It is why getting old doesn't frighten me at all, that same delight in my life, in my love will follow me all the way to my own walker of a nursing home!  She reminds me now in my middle age life to not take anything for granted and be careful who you let care for you in your helpless time in need. "Cloudburst" was one such story of true devotion and how good it is to be rescued by the one you love!  The whole movie had me laughing out loud, had me nodding my head as the young man they were giving a ride came to help them out because without the strength of the youth being old would not be so safe. I related to each character in some way and I LOVE the morning dance because that is the key to laughter and love as we remember to never stop playing around and dancing once we wake! This love story, this fun adventure, this real movie made me laugh, made me proud, made me cry and made me clearly say wisely

"BEST Fucking day of my life!"