This I see

This I see as the waves move forward,
There is a heart stopping place, where your breath holds 
still for a moment then moves really slowly again....
It is that place called the Ocean, once you find it and feel it you can't live without it!

Kinda like owning a dog, for you have discovered the better
part of yourself!
This I see his furry wet feet and tongue
hanging out with a smile on his face!

We are the sand and the sun light all at the same time!

This I know

For this I know;
It doesn't matter what kind of grades you got in school.
It doesn't matter what you wear or how you do your hair.
It doesn't matter if you don't have a game plan for the rest of your life.
It doesn't matter if you are the only one feeding the birds.
It doesn't matter if you are the only one pulling the weeds.
It doesn't matter if people are mean just as long as YOU can love others.
It doesn't matter if you have a nice car.
It doesn't matter what kind of money you have........

It doesn't matter THIS I know, for if you win first, second or third place or come in last with those Big houses and big toys, while you try so hard to win all these things from society.........it doesn't matter I am sorry, For if you are not happy in how you live then it won't matter over all you have gathered.

Being around my family lately got me realizing how so much of what they say doesn't matter, how fast a single day will change everything. It doesn't matter if they don't trust each other, because that has to be earned on a personal level. It doesn't matter that judgement and scandals go hand in hand when I think back over all these years, sometimes family comes together over such moments in history but most likely they will depart, they will leave or rebuild a new life after such dislike or rudeness unfolds in their family trees....it is a part of growing up and letting go of what does or does not matter.

When I think of how fast death simply ends all dramas, all grudges, all bad emotions or behaviors then really what matters?

Maybe nothing actually matters in the end over all and that idea can be a peaceful calmness for the soul.....

Being alive with happiness and joy matters more to me the older I grow, for this I know........

Mom's Menu

Last night in the soft summer glow of warm cooling evening I sat in my newly setup patio table to draw, I have had this idea brewing inside me ever since my father asked me to get my mother to lose weight since she is now a 2X large in sizes, she wants to go swimming and the doctor is going to sign off for her to do aqua therapy soon.......
Ever since my mother's stroke I have advised my father with all I know on nutrition, even though he isn't approachable I still share. I am aware how parents don't take their children advice as an automatic reaction for knowing you were once a helpless baby in their arms so now saying you know something they don't is rather a blow to such parental pride....I totally get that kind of situation.
AND I will STILL try to help out when asked, I will step back at the same time to not be so preachy as in those first few months following my mother's recovery.
Calling my mother once a week to ask how her diet and how is her eating the right foods is all going, hoping that my excitement in going swimming with her as she looses weight to be in shape for the water will motivate her. Her response is always the same "I try to eat like you but it's not easy, there are no cooked meat snacks like opening a bag of chips, and actually it takes to long to cook the meat in order to eat when I am hungry." I then try to come up with simple easy fast steps for her, Last night I finally drew my big chart for her and am so very very excited to give it to her today!
In my last email to my father I spoke to him in simple bluntness and never heard back, I basically said Mom can't loose weight until he buys the right things for her to eat, saying no to all her fast sugar snacks is hard but worth her having better health in the long run. 
Again this nutrition info should come from a male, a stranger to the family like a male Doctor maybe then my father would follow this new advice to the letter of the law but since I am his daughter, there is no real grasp to listen, to even be bothered with me. I totally get this kind of situation as well, I grew up in it, so knowing how it works leaves me with the tip of my hat to my father in all due respect he is going to simply be left alone, change for my mother in her loosing weight has never been up to me and maybe one day he will see this chart I made and be inspired to try it out?
I don't want a pat on my back, I will never get respect from my father no matter how I change my approach to visiting with him, I don't go out to see my mother because he asked and I know who he is from the inside out, I see the love and fear in his eyes all the time, he is very confused to which emotion will win in that battle wrestling inside of him. When he says very mean hurtful things like in the last time I was just out there I know why, I leave my father on his own to figure out what I have always seen him since I was born, I can't help or reach him anymore.....
Yet I am going to help my mom for what I can and everything else I leave to my tears falling, to my deeper understanding in how healing will give me such strength of my soul once again.

     My father arrived home acting very aggressive while I was teaching my Aunt how to help Mom in the shower. Mom asked to have her legs shaved for no one does as good a job as I do, It's because I squat down beside her chair with a water fall of  soapy water and careful move her paralyzed leg around, I get soaked from head to toe but her legs feel smoother once again. When I leave my mother to soak in the warmth of the water she is all clean, I sit in her wheel chair so I can talk to her for I am in no hurry, I love to know she is enjoying herself. Getting dress in a dry place is very important to me while supporting her balance and getting dried off. My father was watching from the other room as I grabbed mom's clothes heading back to join her and her sister when he smarted off "That's NOT what I do when I give her a shower..." before I could respond or explain myself he turned his back on me like I was the biggest idiot he had ever seen, an action I saw from him all of my life, especailly when he caused  any confrontation with me. I didn't blink by surprise over it, I simply moved forward so he would be facing me directly as I spoke in good details of what I was doing and why, his surprise eye brows went up in how I followed him to finish our little chat, (sometime he reminds me of a 5 year old boy trying to figure out what to do or say next) So when I spun back around to go back to my mother. I caught his frowning face as he mimicked or mocked me. That is such a common face of his I have seen also. Now my Aunt's son saw all of this encounter and asked me later on in his car driving back home "He was extremely disrespectful towards you, why do you even bother going all the way out there so much?"
I sat looking out his car window feeling helpless once again, "I go out there mostly for my brothers, but in also helping my mom I know my dad will kinda relax....I go out there now.... because one day I will never go out there again."

A REAL True Hero

When I think of how people try to be heroic, how often people even strut around like they are some kind of super hero, it reminds me of our human ego. When I think of what makes a true hero I have seen over the years of my life that the truth is hidden from the actual hero, a very good soul, a very good person needs no glamor or praise. They wouldn't trumpet their story of heroism, they won't even know how it could be possible to be seen this way by others. When I notice and see a genuine hero I noticed the key phrases are all the same from such amazing graceful human beings.......They explain to the rest of the world "I am not a hero, I am just doing what everyone should do in helping others." I am often inspired by heroes so ever since I was little I have studied them in history or in day to day events. When the Government or general public tell who is a hero or not I am left doubting them completely because I see heroes all around me in many different ways and it is the REAL hero who won't put themselves out there for such worship.
When I think of how bravery works in much the same way, the steps of living in grace towards others brings forth a sense of bravery to rescue and be there for them as they are connected to your own soul. You are no better or worse then those in trouble whom you can help or whom you live with love along side. When you give of yourself without anything in return or expected people see this as a kind of heroic way in life, but to the real true hero who knows the truth is that they are no big deal, make them very honest and real in my eyes. I admire and feel inspired by such people who live beyond their own needs, their own comforts in bettering the world.
When I went to the Team Hoyt celebration here in Boise, Idaho several years ago. I was in awe of the father/son relationship. Of their dedication to take on the physical challenges in marathons, for the son whose cerebral palsy kept him from doing these events on his own. I saw real heroes in both of them and really loved that conference!
When I saw this clip below about these young brothers I was inspired once again! For my favorite line of all my own personal list of heroes is; 

"No one is left out, left behind, there is always room for one more."

I remember, I remember, I remember

Sweet Summer time

Yesterday I sat on the patio of my neighbor Bernice, who was surprised that it was June 1rst already for as cold and rainy as it has been, we would think it as March or April still.

Bernice has a huge garden, it's been neglected this last year as she had surgery and learned to walk again. So I am planting, gardening the space for her.

It shall keep me very busy all summer and even into fall because I will need to stay on top of it. These last couple of months were like a jungle getting back to her garden soil.

She said "It's June? REALLY! Already? How strange it doesn't feel like June yet......." I nodded with a smirk explaining "It has been hard to stay outside long especially if the wind picks up." Bernice has a list of ideas and projects much like my own for all the gardening ahead. Summer will be delightful, I know that I can get it all done and along with my imagination I can see it all looking so beautiful!

However laying in the sunshine, listening to the radio and slowing down the time is what I think creates such a sweet summer time, summer time!

JUNE

There is such a familiar excitement when JUNE comes around! I am so very much in-love with how beautiful June is!

I feel like I could simply FLY around instead of walk, strip off wool socks and big sweaters to let the sun shine in!
I dislike being cold more then being hot, I like to go swimming, to go biking and on picnics in June! Which makes me always think of this month as the FUN summer month!

June is the beginning of the summer, full of possibilities!
This is going to be a beautiful summer, I am getting to garden and to be with friends! I also get to visit with family and walk along the river with ice coffee against the warmth of the morning sunlight!
June is such a magical time in the year, I hope to capture it all once again!