I chuckled at his observation saying back at him with smirk "Those Lucky Bastards." then we laughed together.
As he knows that I don't like any of things I have gone through. I told him I feel like Frodo from Lord of the Rings, for I want to just stay in the shire! "I wish the ring had never come to me".......when Gandalf says "So do all who live to see such times....." then I feel understood. Give me back my life 10 years ago and see the happiest of people that I was!
....and now I am deeper then sea, stronger then the sun and always seeking profound things!
My husband use to say when we were first married "Just chill out and watch a comedy! Not everything has to be so Profound!"
I realized that I loved to seek out the wonder in this world, to experience all the human emotions in a logical way finding a connection between them and our intuition. The family we are born into, the society in history and the connections in our first community fall us all through the years as friends come and go and family traditions change.
Being married to a man who likes to discuss meaningful things, who admires me always if not teasing often to remind me that we can't take everything so seriously, who helps me to kick back and just laugh! I find that to be profound in it's own way, when he's discourage I cheer him on and when I am very sad he tells a joke!
I explained to him "I suppose it all started when I was little and I was surrounded by the most amazing bible stories! I was in awe of these miracles of God so I began to seek the profound as young as 3 years old! It's IN my blood, no matter all I have learned since then it that WOW factor I seek! Like when the prophet Elijah was on Mt. Carmel asking God to prove himself to the people and fire came down from heaven..." Tony stared at me a second then burst out laughing "Was there a Mt. Chocolate syrup too?" We laughed. I explained "I'm saying that I have been surrounded by the "Profound" all of my life and it's why I seek it out so much. And Elijah had a nervous break down afterwords too so when I go back to read or study the bible now I see so much more information that I missed before, that's another profound thing for me!"
We all can seek the profound at any time in our lives.
The profound is anything that sparks awareness in you. That gives you a better understanding over your life, it can help you change or adapt to so much new information all is constantly moving around you. I often look back at some of my profound things in my list from the past, and think of how I had forgotten about that......
My aunt said to me once "You've been wearing rose colored glasses ever since I knew you, I think it's your survival technique." Profound.
Another one of my aunts said to me "You've been on a quest your whole life to understand your parents better. I was amazed you never gave up!"
Profound.
Then my Aunt who babysat me the most while I grew up shared "You were born into our lives full of such deep love, and never forget that God is love pure and simple, there is only one God who is full of only love!"
Profound.
To live with love is how I handled the last 2 decades. To stay focused on the profound is how I've entertained myself, I even found pure joy in all things along the way....my peace of mind is that I will never end my desire to learn something new, to feel that "Whoa!" or "Wow!" that anything profound gives me.
Having lunch the other day with a beloved friend as I commented "I've completely forgotten what I use to believe in or what I use to do with my life before 2017 came along...." she commented back "Well you always advised me to take the high road, and I want to really thank you." I burst out into giggles and replied "I hope I wasn't very annoying, Tony once asked me in his frustration "Why do ya always have to take the high road?" I had forgotten about that!"
Profound, just being alive leaves me feeling profound.
As he knows that I don't like any of things I have gone through. I told him I feel like Frodo from Lord of the Rings, for I want to just stay in the shire! "I wish the ring had never come to me".......when Gandalf says "So do all who live to see such times....." then I feel understood. Give me back my life 10 years ago and see the happiest of people that I was!
....and now I am deeper then sea, stronger then the sun and always seeking profound things!
My husband use to say when we were first married "Just chill out and watch a comedy! Not everything has to be so Profound!"
I realized that I loved to seek out the wonder in this world, to experience all the human emotions in a logical way finding a connection between them and our intuition. The family we are born into, the society in history and the connections in our first community fall us all through the years as friends come and go and family traditions change.
Being married to a man who likes to discuss meaningful things, who admires me always if not teasing often to remind me that we can't take everything so seriously, who helps me to kick back and just laugh! I find that to be profound in it's own way, when he's discourage I cheer him on and when I am very sad he tells a joke!
I explained to him "I suppose it all started when I was little and I was surrounded by the most amazing bible stories! I was in awe of these miracles of God so I began to seek the profound as young as 3 years old! It's IN my blood, no matter all I have learned since then it that WOW factor I seek! Like when the prophet Elijah was on Mt. Carmel asking God to prove himself to the people and fire came down from heaven..." Tony stared at me a second then burst out laughing "Was there a Mt. Chocolate syrup too?" We laughed. I explained "I'm saying that I have been surrounded by the "Profound" all of my life and it's why I seek it out so much. And Elijah had a nervous break down afterwords too so when I go back to read or study the bible now I see so much more information that I missed before, that's another profound thing for me!"
We all can seek the profound at any time in our lives.
The profound is anything that sparks awareness in you. That gives you a better understanding over your life, it can help you change or adapt to so much new information all is constantly moving around you. I often look back at some of my profound things in my list from the past, and think of how I had forgotten about that......
My aunt said to me once "You've been wearing rose colored glasses ever since I knew you, I think it's your survival technique." Profound.
Another one of my aunts said to me "You've been on a quest your whole life to understand your parents better. I was amazed you never gave up!"
Profound.
Then my Aunt who babysat me the most while I grew up shared "You were born into our lives full of such deep love, and never forget that God is love pure and simple, there is only one God who is full of only love!"
Profound.
To live with love is how I handled the last 2 decades. To stay focused on the profound is how I've entertained myself, I even found pure joy in all things along the way....my peace of mind is that I will never end my desire to learn something new, to feel that "Whoa!" or "Wow!" that anything profound gives me.
Having lunch the other day with a beloved friend as I commented "I've completely forgotten what I use to believe in or what I use to do with my life before 2017 came along...." she commented back "Well you always advised me to take the high road, and I want to really thank you." I burst out into giggles and replied "I hope I wasn't very annoying, Tony once asked me in his frustration "Why do ya always have to take the high road?" I had forgotten about that!"
Profound, just being alive leaves me feeling profound.
Right now my profound things on my list are;
Trauma stays in our brain.
The U2 song "Stuck in a Moment You can't get out." hit me hard the first time I heard, I cried so much from my own memories, I kept singing "Stand up straight and carry your own weight." Then I began to realize how our personal stories come from how we felt in the moment, how we struggle through our own eyes as a moment becomes a memory that won't let go of us.
We live on and react to current events from that one place of trauma unless we learn how to heal first.
Trauma stays in our brain.
The U2 song "Stuck in a Moment You can't get out." hit me hard the first time I heard, I cried so much from my own memories, I kept singing "Stand up straight and carry your own weight." Then I began to realize how our personal stories come from how we felt in the moment, how we struggle through our own eyes as a moment becomes a memory that won't let go of us.
We live on and react to current events from that one place of trauma unless we learn how to heal first.
Get you shit together.
The first time I ever heard this I exclaimed "Whoa, Well now that makes sense for my shit is all over the place! I have 3 full time jobs I can't live like this! I'm going crazy here!"
Boom, just like that I got organized.
Get your shit together is the best advice for a better life!
Boom, just like that I got organized.
Get your shit together is the best advice for a better life!
No one is born with social anxiety.
I had no idea what anxiety was until I started dating my husband when I was 20, he had these moments of freezing up in mid-sentence or in action back then, the social anxiety he had was profound to me!
Then one day I read "No one is born with social anxiety, chances are you've been around horrible people that wear ya down into such a anxious mess! If you find yourself panicking when people come around you then you should ask yourself "Are these good or bad people?" and try to breath through it until you can escape and realize what trauma messages are stuck in your head from it.
For only good people will ALWAYS understand your anxiety, and try to help you through your fears.
"Don't socialize with horrible people if you can help it."
I was in awe at the profound message and share it with him right away! We worked together right away to lessen those attacks in him.
Lately I have been using those tips on how to breath through it when my own anxiety rises when I think to myself "Nothing is as it should be." my heart races on without me so I have to stop and allow myself to focus on grace for my helpless feeling in deep painful grief, for I have lost one of my favorite people to hang out with so now my social anxiety kicks in with the lack of such a good person like my brother Derek in my life...."Nothing will ever be as it should be, not ever, yet I'm still breathing through it."
Then one day I read "No one is born with social anxiety, chances are you've been around horrible people that wear ya down into such a anxious mess! If you find yourself panicking when people come around you then you should ask yourself "Are these good or bad people?" and try to breath through it until you can escape and realize what trauma messages are stuck in your head from it.
For only good people will ALWAYS understand your anxiety, and try to help you through your fears.
"Don't socialize with horrible people if you can help it."
I was in awe at the profound message and share it with him right away! We worked together right away to lessen those attacks in him.
Lately I have been using those tips on how to breath through it when my own anxiety rises when I think to myself "Nothing is as it should be." my heart races on without me so I have to stop and allow myself to focus on grace for my helpless feeling in deep painful grief, for I have lost one of my favorite people to hang out with so now my social anxiety kicks in with the lack of such a good person like my brother Derek in my life...."Nothing will ever be as it should be, not ever, yet I'm still breathing through it."
Live The Example
I have been recently trying to practice this, instead of saying "You are not listening me." I am trying to turn it around on myself "Am I listening to them?"
"Live the example." is what my husband said to me when I was venting about not being heard or not being respected.
He explained "The only way people can change is by watching how you treat them first." I was in awe of this! I had been thinking that I need to demand my own place on this earth in standing up for myself boldly but then I wondered if I gave those around me the same opportunity to be heard just as they are?
"Live the example." is what my husband said to me when I was venting about not being heard or not being respected.
He explained "The only way people can change is by watching how you treat them first." I was in awe of this! I had been thinking that I need to demand my own place on this earth in standing up for myself boldly but then I wondered if I gave those around me the same opportunity to be heard just as they are?
Watch out for Sociopaths.
I asked myself in taking a quiz in a magazine "am I a sociopath?" and the quiz/test went on to explain "If you are asking yourself if you are one then you are most defiantly NOT, because they would never ask that about themselves."
Whoa! my mind is blown! and I laughed at myself.
Whoa! my mind is blown! and I laughed at myself.
(I also hope someone would tell me if they thought that I was a sociopath!)
Happy People are hated by most.
This profound statement left me in mid bite of my salad, I was taken by surprise having never ever thought myself. "Isn't it our hearts desire to be as happy as we can be? Why would anyone hate that? Especially found in those around them???????" I was completely lost in this profound new information! and yet.....and yet it completely made sense to me in explaining why I struggled so much among so many groups of different people through out my whole life! If I had know this as a child would I of chosen to be less happy? If I had know this going into the hospital every day to see my mother would I've dimmed my light? Could I kept more friends if I hadn't been so deeply truly happy? That balance between sensitivity to others and bursting forth such light of pure brilliant happiness is something I have always struggled with! "Happy people are hated by most." I sat chewing slowly, thinking deeply through out my last 35 years on this earth, YUP! This makes the list of my profound things!
The Profound is never done.
As the movie "The Tree of Life." played on my husband joked around, he was tweeting or twittering as we watched on until I paused the film and said to him "I think you should go do something that amuses you more." He was bewildered and said that he would be better, then as the movie played he exclaimed "What the hell just happened!?!?" I sighed and paused the movie explaining it all up to the moment and so he left the room annoyed "Why does everything have to be so damn Profound these days?!?!" and I laughed at him leaving while I happily enjoyed the rest of the story by myself.....
I will always seek the profound this is true, and yet I will never forget to also just play on this beautiful earth! For like the book "Life of Pi." we have a choice in how we see our life, our adventures and our struggles.
I am sometimes the tiger and sometimes the boy in a boat on the ocean as it's the journey that is my real story.
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