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Friday, June 16, 2017

Music in June

On June 13, 2014 Onerepublic came to Boise Idaho and I had zero money for a ticket....I was falling all over myself to try and get a ticket and spent that evening walking all around the hillside in hope to hear them from the stadium, I felt so helpless not getting to see them, not getting to hear every single song that I know so well.
But at the same time I had an adventure on my own through the city of Boise, thinking about how I will never want to repeat those days of living penny to penny, or as I often said "We are living on eggs!"
(It's true, the incredible edible egg can help the hungriest person survive another day!) even if I had the 80 bucks to buy a ticket to see one of my most favorite bands play here in Boise on that beautiful magical June summer day.....well, I would of said "No." For 80 bucks is exactly how much my pet food is every month. 
I learned through trail and error, through embarrassment and social awkward moments to never make a dog grooming appointment unless I have the cash in hand. For those years of my husband in law school were the hardest days of zero money. I was able to make 30 dollars last longer then most people even, yet it changed me forever. I could never go back to assuming if I wanted to see a music concert I would just go like I did with all kinds of events back when we were first married and both working full time. I am a very different person now, it's a good thing I think......sometimes I am sad remembering how carefree I was back then but now I am glad that I will NEVER go back, never be a consumer. I like knowing there is far more to life then buying things, then trying to look good. I like knowing now how bad, how broke I can be and STILL be so very happy! I will never be afraid of the future, never wondered when our "ship comes in." If my husband disagrees in the future with me then I will simply tip my hat to him, leave him to live the kind of life he wants for I would never ever want to hold him back, and I will never want a castle to live in as well. Life is funny like that I think......we all grow old and change, sometimes we change together and sometimes we change apart yet the only thing that matters is that we bring out the best in those around us. I don't think I always bring out the best in my husband as he says that I am "Shell shocked." That I am damaged by the last four years of poverty, I don't see the future full or prosperity like he does. I have to take a deep breath when he says this, and know he could be right.......I shouldn't put a damper on his dreams. He is finally 30 percent happy right now! I wish I could call Benny and tell her for we would laugh again! I wish I could trust that it will get better but I am in no hurry to change. I really like who I am right now, I like knowing how to make 200 dollars last 6 months, and still BE there for everyone who needs me! 
When I started up my organized money envelopes, I realized that even if I had more money in our bank, I would now use that for all the charities, the social programs and needs in my community. I will never go back to buying a 40 dollar skirt! (And yes that still bugs me, I was so stupid and young)  
Looking back over the law school years we would of never survived if I didn't fill those envolopes up first before doing anything else. (Thank you Dave Ramsey)
      I would even mad at my husband if he bought a six pack of beer when things were painfully tight. "That's taking money away from my much needed eggs!" I would panic and then feel bad for him too.
He would reply "I just need a break, one beer till it gets better.....god, and it has to get better right?" 
I shrugged not knowing at all helplessly wondering my self then adding in a bit of hope saying "OneRepublic is in town tonight! I've been listening to them all day! Oh how I wish I could be there!" My husband replied in horror "Sounds miserable, AND it's expensive! I am surprised at you for wanting to go.....usually you have better common sense. My beer is nothing to the cost of going to a concert! THEN when you get seated you'll still want a beer! So 20 bucks later you'll wonder why ya even went to this crazy crowded loud concert to begin with!"
I laughed at my honest husband as I turn up the radio on our back patio saying "I know, I know, but I would of loved seeing them....just like I will always remembering seeing Cher back in the day! Maybe tonight we'll just sit around the fire pit and relax, listening to One Republic on the radio then." My husband handed me an open beer saying "That's my girl!"

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