Lost in Grief

Her Spirit in the Sky

I am truly struck down by sudden sadness in the grief of a dear loved friend, a woman who took me under her wing like the mother I so desperately needed at that time in my young adult life. AND I have been truly happy by her friendship, learning so much in our time together. Now these tears remind me of how she had smiled and hugged me saying 

"Debby, I know no one has said this to you and you need a mother now more then ever so let me say it with all my love in mind, You can make your own decisions and I am always here for you in whatever they are." 

I will always remember her saying that, always remember it because no one had ever been there for me like that.....................Goodbye to my friend, her mothering soul gave strength to me in ways I will never forget!

Words of the song "Wonder" by Natalie Merchant

Doctors have come from distant cities, just to see me
Stand over my bed, disbelieving what they're seeing

1-They say I must be one of the wonders
Of God's own creation
And as far as they see, they can offer
No explanation

 

Newspapers ask intimate questions, want confessions
They reach into my head to steal, the glory of my story
(repeat 1)

Ooo, I believe, fate, fate smiled
And destiny laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience, and with faith
She'll make her way, she'll make her way

People see me I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads how I confound you
And astound you
To know I must be one of the wonders
(rpt...1)

Ooo, I believe, fate, fate smiled
And destiny laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as she came to my mother
Know this child will not suffer
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way, she'll make her way

Happy Valentines Day!

I am proud to be blogging over at my friend Alena's blog today, She has a really awesome professional blog, so check it out!  

Little Bit of Wonderful

Thanks again Girl for the invite to be a guest, many hugs and loves to you on this day of Love!

It Takes 2

Everyone likes how their parents met type of stories, my mother was a very young woman on her own in a completely different state from her parents. She had been inspired to move out on her own with a job for an evangelic christian crusade. I always thought it was awesome for her to up and leave Idaho for Missouri only to meet my father there although they both grew up in Idaho on the opposite sides of the state. When my mother was in a car accident it totaled her car so she had to take the commuter bus to her job. That bus driver was my young red headed father so they became friends looking forward to seeing each other every day and finding out they shared more then just the same faith. It must have been amazing time in their young life full of hope, love and excitement. Being both zealous in their religion and in their independence. My mother said that when her father told her to come home she did without any questions. Her father was always going to be her biggest hero so when she told me this story I just nodded without question for my mother liked that her father always had advice for her. When my father now being friends with my mother followed her home, I thought that was a funny story! He just quit his job to live with my mother's family. It took awhile for him to get her attention outside of just being friends and when they got married I have no doubt how happy my parents were! It still amazes me how young they both were, how long they have remained married. Life's love stories bring about new life times and other souls to this picture of the world. My parents meeting in the same company and becoming friends has always amazed me that not only did they come from the same state but also that they were the oldest of their siblings and had such welcoming loving families to help them get started in a new life together. Everyone like how they came about through their parents love story and when I think of mine I can't help but smile!

My first Love

Since I had been gone all week I suddenly realized it was the longest time away from my dog I had ever been. I ran so quickly and happily into her big beautiful golden fur, "Savannah!" My first love. I was 10 years old and in love completely with my dog. She would be with me another 8 more years and I wouldn't ever stop to think that she might not live forever. I just assumed since she was my very best friend in the whole world she would live right along with me! When I was 10 years old I didn't have very many friends and the longing for a life long companion was very deep inside my soul. I would sit and chat with Savannah as if she could talk back or at least like she understood everything I was saying. Her big brown eyes and long wet nose were apart of my own face often I melted myself into her side as she laid or sat next to me watching the sunset over the farm on a patch of grass or soft cold dirt. My own long stringy golden hair would blend in her as I cried or as I rest in her. She knew that her job was to watch over me and I think she never got tired of listening to me jabber on I as grew up.  Even after she was laid to rest under the big tree on the wild country side, for I took flowers to her grave and chatted away like she was still listening for the years to follow.....she was my very first love story in my life. Without her I didn't have anything to look forward to in coming home. 

"Don't you miss your parents?" I was asked so often in my childhood and teen aged years that I grew annoyed by such a common question. Be it at a slumber party or church camp, everyone would act like I was a strange person as I shared the magical wonders of my dog Savannah. I would always say wishfully "I miss my dog so very very much." while trying to figure out this dreaded feeling that I had in returning home. "Don't you miss your family?" I would be asked this from the lines at Disneyland to the cafe in Salem. Moments like that when my friends asked me with that odd look as I would honestly reply "NO." then suddenly adding to reassure them I am not all heartless or selfish, "I DO miss my Dog." then I would smile again. Growing up in the kind of home I did, we didn't trust each other but we did have this wonderful unconditional love from our sweet dog Savannah and I still miss her everyday of my life....

When Savannah jumped up on my little twin size bed the whole thing flip up in the air and came back down as I laughed so hard for so long with my arms wrapped around my old girl, my best friend and most importantly my very first love.......

The Month of Love

I can not believe February is arriving so quickly and even though Valentines day is only on the 14th day I still think of this whole month as the month of LOVE. If I can have a whole month to celebrate the wonders of love I would! ....Wait a minuet? I DO! And not just in this month but actually in my whole life force! I am happy to be heading towards spring although winter is a truly deep season for writers. There are endless things to type up and share when all other distractions are not allowed. Of course knowing me I would say this very same thing about lazy hot summer afternoons.....so what do I really know? I guess just that I love every season as is for what it is. I like February, it's the month of love of course but it's also impossible to decorate the home in hearts and not feel truly happy! I think the next few stories should be Love stories in my blog. So let me get started in remembering the LOVE.........it is after all Everywhere we breath!

Coldplay's "see you soon"

The Big Ass TV

When my husband Tony said he wanted to get a big screen TV in our small tiny condo I just shrugged thinking "Whatever, like we have any room...ha.", He would also remind me that my dislike for TV was unhealthy, that it is good to stay up to date and informed on what everyone else is watching, I suppose he makes a good point. I do have many favorite TV shows over my own life time, and lately I had been thinking that I owe a huge part of my over all education to TV. It was the only part of the "Outside world" that got to sneak into our sheltered  childhood home. Either way I really don't miss it...I guess it's all the noise, the commercials and the endlessness of shows that brings about my dislike for it now that I am older.

I knew something else was going on here, I realized the TV was already on it's way by how my husband was asking me to just except TV is important. Tony said happily "You could watch all the episodes of "Cheers" in a row!" I chuckled for I do like that show. He looked around carefully "It can go against the wall and we can finish the "Andy Griffin Show", you will LOVE the clear picture once it gets here." I just sigh.  If I made an argument against this TV from arriving, he always reminded me that it is not good to get stuck in rut, to not keep up with world around us. On the night I went out with friends I came home to the biggest TV I had ever seen in my whole life, not only was it wide but thick and taller then my own self! I still remember how loud it first was as I just stood starring in shock at one big ass Television! My husband was so proud and happy as I got home that he put on a "Debby show" to make me feel more inviting towards the thing that took up half my living room. I warned "When we move it is NOT coming with us..." He waved me on "Oh, it will grow on ya! You will love it the more you watch it....oh wait what is this? The Golden Girls is on?....Hmmm...how nice." He winked at me and I shook my head chuckling at how he set that up on purpose so i would like this huge TV. I realize this big ass thing had won and I might as well sit down (Only one foot away was the couch) and so I stared in shock realizing I might as well just enjoy the show anyway....

Let me show You....