Deep Distraction

    I remember how I was a year ago, how I walked into closed doors and turned into walls and tripped over my own bookcase. I remember how I locked myself out of my own car and my own home in that day after Benny's death, how I left my coffee up on top of the moving car and forgot where I was even driving to...it was so out of character for me to do all those things even forget to put the cream back in the frig on a 100 degree hot summer day. Looking back I can never recall a time in my life where I was not functioning in awareness and now I realize down time is very important during a time of grief. I was completely surprised by all those absent minded mistakes, that deep distraction taught me to be ready next time in taking it easy.
I love sitting and thinking, even more now since one year ago. To laugh and smile is to be here in this moment of right now, to finally feel at peace in knowing that I will never ever forget my best friend. Her time in my life gave me so much of a sister and a real friend. I could never forget that, I will understand next time when I get so cloudy inside myself with such grief that there is nothing to fear in loosing someone I love, nothing to worry about because I will hold them in my memories and in my stories for all the rest of my life.
I see such hope for the future, I enjoy such distractions of butterflies landing on my freshly potted flowers!
 
 (These flowers are for my Mother-in-law Teresa who turned 50 this week, whose love and friendship has helped me through so many struggling times in the last decade. I am going to be alright with so many wonderful people like her in my life!)