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Friday, April 28, 2017

Sibling Situation

It's sure going to be very different from now on without Derek in our family, he was aware of how each family member worked and what they needed from him. He saw how different our family history was from the first 3 kids growing up to the last 3 kids still growing up.

Derek had the gift of making our family dinners turn out wonderfully!
He saw the importance of living with grace and forgiveness, he made it easy to talk to him about anything and I will really miss that.....
I can't talk to my sister Dana like I did with my brother Derek. In fact I think my sister is one person I never talk to in our family. I am not sure how that happened in the end and when looking back I have no idea why.....
I mean Dana and I have had a long odyssey in our history as sisters as we grew up side by side. I guess it could be a number of events, or a number of things that went wrong between us?
Yet even when we were kids it was difficult to be close or be friendly with each other.
I guess now almost 40 years later things haven't changed very much with us struggling to understand each other?  
and I will miss Derek for many reasons, one being he was our common ground, our help in being around each other. 

I can remember my sister switching off to me during our mother's massive stroke with all the dramas of those long 4 months in the hospital in the summer 2011. She never talked to me directly ever again, so it must have something to do with those days back then...
I just don't really know.
Maybe I should ask her? It's never clear to me if she is talking to me or not....
I was thinking eventually she would come back around from whatever upset her against me, yet even during Derek's funeral I could feel her strain, her not wanting me to touch her so I began to realize that just because we are sisters never meant that we were friends. I can look back a million moments growing up together how true that fact is. I gave up trying so hard to have her look me in the eye back in those emotional hospital days of out mother's recovery. She made this wonderful poster for National Sibling day recently, not having Derek here anymore to help us all get along will be the hardest part of the future I think......
In my sister's poster I find common ground with her, for I love our brothers too, I love her as well but I won't make her uncomfortable by trying to hug her when I see her again. I think I understand now that she can still be my sister without my ideas of sisterhood being put upon her and annoying her so much.

At Derek's private family viewing time I saw my whole family there and I was filled with such love and grace! I am glad I know them and they are in my life, I don't need to make them be like myself in order to feel close and strong together instead I know I am already standing on my own 2 feet with the magic that Derek gave me to live on with out him.
He knew how to support his family while maintaining his own happiness and enjoying his good life.
From that I have learned to look at our sister differently, for we both really loved our brother and having that in common can help us face the future in a better way .......perhaps.......

Derek grins big saying "Well You and Dana are like the same person really."  I choke on my water bottle and he laughs whole heartedly as I hesitate reply back "I guess....we have some things in common I could see that......maybe." He keeps laughing as I try to smile back in wondering what is so funny?

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