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Saturday, August 15, 2015

Make a Joyful noise!

 It is a truly honest fact that I sing best when no one is around. I sing my heart out fully and without fear of judgement because I am on my own.
I love music for it's soul moving magical powers!
I feel safe while driving when I sing along to the radio whenever I wait in the car or walk into a store hearing over head the familiar tunes that give me joy!
It all started when my mother put her 8 tracks in and music greeted me at the age of 3.
I grew up with music everyday and danced to cassette tapes of kids singing bible verses and church songs.
I found dealing with life as a teenager much easier with my radio never turned off even when I was sleeping.
  When I was 15 years old singing in the shower was my delight I felt safe until my sister would dump a bucket of cold water in on me shouting "Shut up!" She also threw rotten fruit at me because I sang out loud while picking apples in our Grandparents orchards every harvest time.....
In fact looking back I was always singing if the radio wasn't on, I sang to my baby brothers every time to calm them down for bed time. I sang silly songs to keep me from being bored while cutting up buckets of tomatoes for my mom when she made salsa......AND then there was that one time when I agreed to sing with a friend in church one Sunday evening she panicked in front of everyone standing there holding my arm I was suddenly flying solo completely alone in singing a song in front of everyone. At the time I felt brave in myself for not stopping because I never wanted to sing a solo! My Beloved friend Tiffany had warned me that I was just being "used" by this kinda friend who froze on me. So in the embarrassing moment of abandonment I looked helplessly while singing at Tiffany who held my focus with a kind proud smile that I was singing full of heart and clearly not with talent. I was aware of my own voice struggling through and of my parents squirming in their seats like they were in physical pain by my singing, I wasn't stupid I was just stuck on stage on my own brave strength, yet Tiffany never lost her smile of support and nodding head towards me as they all watch me flush and gush off stage as fast as I could go when I was done. Tiffany hugged me as I sat down beside her trying not to keep shaking uncontrollably as she whispered "You gave God your full heart and glory, it was beautiful and it was brave." I chuckled back "You could of just said "I warned ya that she had stage fright" How weird to hear only my voice while thinking "Well I can't stop now..."  We young girls giggled softly as the singing program continued, and I felt like I could breath again. So as the whole service was over my father walked straight up to me with his scowling frown I grabbed Tiffany's arm for support in facing him as I always did, she was my only friend who wasn't afraid of him. I was grateful she didn't duck out of the way like most people did when my father was approaching. I held my breath again as he laid into me with fury and judgement saying "THAT was horrible! THAT was soooo embarrassing! You should be ashamed of yourself for not being smart with who you go out on stage with! I think you should stick with writing!!!" Tiffany snapped back at my father before I could reply as tears filled my throat I already knew I had struggled on stage but Tiffany said God was still honored so I didn't think my father would come to bitch me out as he did. Tiffany flew up from her seat next to where I was standing exclaiming back at my fuming father "She did GREAT in a bad situation! It was NOT her fault, they didn't even practice before hand AND she couldn't of been more brave to keep at it and not just give up like her singing partner!" Tiffany put her hands on her hips as her own father came walking over to us while noticing his feisty daughter, my father backed down rolling his eyes at us  and warning me to be more careful next time. I rushed off to cry in the bathroom as I often did, only to find Tiffany had followed explaining her Dad just said it's best not to create more drama so all she wanted to do is give me a hug and reassure me that my singing isn't for anyone else to judge if I am simply singing for God. It was a powerful life moment for me, finding my strength in not backing down, not giving up my love for music and singing, just because the facts were I was a horrible singer. It was my Beloved friend Tiffany who didn't judge me and stayed with me until we were walking arm in arm around church again!

Let us all sing so that our souls can feel free, so that the earth can live and sound beautiful again!

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