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Thursday, July 30, 2015

A Life Lesson

I get constant practice in what I call "Life lessons."
Whenever I say
"Sounds like an important life lesson happening right here and now, I better pay attention."

The Universe hits me hard, that power out there called God or Goddess seems to know I need to learn something new today.......I always protest and complain back hissing out "I don't want to learn anything right now just leave me alone Goddamn it! I have learned enough for one week let me pout and hide from the world as I feel hurt by the force of another life lesson!"
THEN I feel the hair on my neck stand up and I have been called from my very soul to step out into the battle field and learn how to control my reaction and my emotions to such things teaching me another "Life Lesson".
I can recognize every emotional feeling when it hits me, I can see emotional poison from others coming out of their mouths like green drops of liquid. I can see my own power in creating a rose colored bubble shield and I speak slowly making sure each word is strong and correct in order to stop that green poison from reaching me.
My Father use to loose his temper in a single second of time, he would erupt into crazy chaos that to this very day still haunts me. He never stopped first to think, to wonder if he is wrong in scaring his little children with his rage.....maybe now that he is an old man he might have regrets or by now had his own set of "Life lessons." that he doesn't go around screaming anymore?
I simply know by his actions I learned how to NOT behave, I want to scream and throw things sometimes then I remember how my father looked back then doing the same actions I stop and sadly shake my head "NO, I will NOT behave that way ever again....because I want my actions to be full of love and peace! To be full of joy for the goodness in the world!" I want to stop and mediate before I speak after I feel the heat of anger or the heat of defense. I am never in possession of all the facts, therefore reacting only to what is happening in front of me is short sighted.....this moment is FLEETING, nothing can last forever so I might be angered and want spit back emotional poison too but that would only haunt me all through the rest of my life INSTEAD the words I battle back with are in LOVE and in GRACE! Goddamn it, I get so mad with such words of forgiveness flooding my mouth in my reaction and my protection!   This is the only way I can let go of all my emotions that flood me in battle. It hurts to be around people who judge and criticize, who blame me for their misfortune. I have tried to fix these issues that had me growing up in such deep fear of failure and my anger for justice always kicks in when I put myself out there.
But now I know how to hold my tongue and wish for love to cool me down again. I pray that I will always welcome a life lesson humbly but I have protested and felt annoyed at times that I keep coming back to my past and I really really just want to move on! THESE are the best days of my life simply RIGHT NOW, and hopefully it will always be like that but as I learn to live and to deal, I use this poster as a game plan to not blow up in reaction to my frustrations.  When I take a deep breath in my moments of anger I feel instantly grateful to know this heat wave will subside as long as I handle it wisely.......With gratefulness I look back in time and see how it made me who I am today, AND what a beautiful story it really is for my own joy, for my own heart!

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