My Father

It is no secret that my father and I have a rough history. It is clearly seen and understood how different we are from each other. Yet I have seen similarities also, like I can raise my voice to meet his or we both easily show on our faces what we feel. If I could I would always have someone from his job at the hospital keeping him company and giving him a moment to enjoy himself. For there is nothing quite like my father's job to cheer him up and change his mannerisms. The hospital is a scary place where things happen out of my Father's control but with his job he can easily call the shots and find his peace of mind again. I simply like to watch my father visit with his friends from work and seemly change right before my eyes. My sister caught up with me in the brake room after we noticed this connection, Dana said "I want to work at Dad's office so I can get to know him better, he seems like a nice guy!" I laughed out loud and nodded thinking to myself that I noticed that right away too. My father IS a nice guy to those he likes or understands, he is a mixture of all kinds emotions just in general and now with his wife of 33 years in the hospital from her stroke his whole world has changed. I know that he will change along with it, but the side of him that is easily frustrated spills out more to us kids. Now what I am currently figuring out is how to not take it personal when my father tries to control the topics we can cover when visiting with our mother, or how he bosses us around like we were little kids again. It can make me instantly glare back at him, then I remind myself he is just trying to figure all this out on his own. My Dad use to grab us behind the neck to control or correct our behavior as kids and sometimes I get the feeling if he could he would do that again even though we are in our 30's. I know that my father loves me, that saying those words are not actually easy for him but in these last few weeks I have heard him....he has the biggest job then all of us here. He has to get to know his wife all over again as she is forever different, he has to gain patience in ways he never had before. He has to respect all the surrounding family members at the same time heal himself. I think as long as I keep trying to see through his eyes on all he has to work on then I can let go of petty arguments or sharp comments. Dad has already said he is trying, that he knows what Mom would say to him right now among all the people here to help.....She would say very clearly to my father in love and understanding 
"NOW BE NICE."   I really admire that he is willing to TRY....