I have dreams of being in a spaceship, and I don't like it. There are so many movies made about space and traveling into the galaxy. I for one have never thought I would love to do that, in fact after each and every story that covers the topic of outer space I think "Thank God I am on land in real air with gravity!" I like the concept of unknown beings out there, of weird worlds we can't really fully imagine. In some of these movies these landing sights for a spaceship is often just a delusion or a detailed scene of someone having taken drugs. They bring a bit of spiritual wonder and vulnerable fears into these stories of new discoveries of the last frontier we call Space. I think all of these stories are profound, even in the ridiculous landscape of hollywood's control, such a setup for entertainment makes the Si-Fi category a hidden spiritual category as well. I know that the first time I watch this clip with Carl Sagan in a documentary I cried in awe and in the messed up situation we humans have made of this pale blue dot we were given. Either God or the Aliens gave us this environment to evolve into many moments, stories and profound accomplishments while also choosing destruction of the land for profit or personal gain. Humans could of been made from dust or mud or anything.....we might of been always. I guess in all the things I have study and learned about I still can't tell anyone for sure where humans came from...the imagination is open for any idea as it's so clearly a concern like maybe knowing will help us move forward in a better way..... I doubt it, For if all the truths were known humans would be like Gods and impossible to deal with, so the not knowing if God made this planet to begin with allows for humble, kind and grateful attitudes to dwell on this utopia. I will always believe that human beings are the servants in this world. I will always know that we are the caretakers and the zoo keepers of these days that we live, yet not every human being thinks this way so the sadness I cry is for the truth that is shared in this video. The spaceships that take us out of this world reminds us that we never want it destroyed from our lives, that everything we deal with day to day is nothing to the bigger picture of how everything is happening way beyond our own little minds can take in, we seek to understand or we make peace with the fact we will never know for sure just what it's all about...... I love this earth so much, I can see how without us, without any humans it will still be there maybe even thrive for we would stop draining all of it's resources. The domesticated animals would adapt or die off as this earth gives a balance to the births and deaths of all. I wonder if there are other earth like planets out there, if in another galaxy they are just starting out as the first humans to dwell and care for the land wondering if there is a God or another level to a person after they die? It would be fascinating to discover if there was and yet I would still not jump on board the spaceship to go find such a place I like it right where I am, even though Earth is struggling and the human race is crazy as a whole, hard for me to really understand most people so I admire the trees and sky, the grass and bugs, I delight in helping my pets have companionship and safety. It's the little delights like in making my husband dinner that makes me so happy to be on this earth. I look back remembering as a kid my Grandma talked about The Rapture, when Jesus comes out in the sky with trumpets to call all the Christians up to heaven with him. That we no longer have to suffer on this Earth, we no longer are stuck in this place. I said "I don't want to go! I don't want to leave the earth!" Such a desire has never ever left me, even though I can see why she would love that idea so much now..... I would joke all the time in bible study back when I was 19 or 20 when we covered the Rapture or the end of the world prophecy, that it sure would be peaceful when all the Christians have been removed from the world and my friends would reminded me that I was one too while I explained "Yes that is why I would stay behind on purpose, because someone needs to help the rest of the world understand what has happened. I think it would wonderful to be left behind." They would always roll their eyes at me and laugh but I was honest in how I felt. I look back and smile now that I am still very much the same person 20 years later only wiser in my peace of mind having less answers for all these topics that follow the human race. I simply know and understand that I love this planet and I am grateful to live on this earth. In my dreams the spaceship takes me away against my will and my own common sense.....So I awake even more delight in the early summer morning because I live right here in the right now time. On this very important pale blue dot!
On June 14, 2019 5 kittens were born from the calico cat that showed up at my parents farm. I would see her every week when I went out there to help my mom. I would worry about her and wonder if I could take her in as she was the sweetest little cat, who was very clearly going to have babies.
On mother's day my mother kept trying to get my husband to take the cat and he said a very stern NO. Then he found a friend who would take in the Mama cat, so as the kittens were born we celebrated! I quickly put together a few pet things to help, I talked so much about the kittens every time we met up with our friend and as time proved that she couldn't keep all the kittens after all, I was so happy and proud of my husband to say we could help out in giving them a good home too. We got to see all 5 kittens grow quickly so we easily fit 2 of them into our lives. We talked about it carefully and I knew 2 kittens are better then one as they can be friends with each other and feel safer. They have each other's companionship.
With all that has unfolded this summer, bringing home 2 kittens was the very best part of it all. I love just being with them. talking and kissing. I make sure each pet has my attention and my care every morning, Lewis and Jazzy have been living outside so much now that summer is in full heat and Tinker's test results show she isn't dying after all. She is just old and has allergies. I have increased her chicken in hopes to help her gain weight again so after Oscar's foot surgery they laid together so much. I thought about how almost 13 years ago they were puppy and kitten starting out so my tears of delight is that I have been so blessed with them in my life. They have made me the best person I can be! I haven't been distracted on my pathway through life with them by my side. They give me peace of mind in knowing we share everything! The kittens have arrived in time to know these elder pets of mine, it won't be so easy to just have everyone together instantly but I know I can do this! I can create a bigger family for us all. Companionship is the greatest gift in living! Dory the speedy fast very cautious black speckled kitty only calms down when she sees Marlin her brother. He is a laid back orange and white purring fat kitten. I had to help Dory learn what the food taste like from my fingers as she was impressed and has begun to eat regularly now. My heart and arms are bursting with such love and companionship.
I was watching "Finding Nemo." the other day remembering how much I loved this movie when it came to the theater. I saw it a few times always encouraging my friends with kids to come with me! I was getting married in 2003 so I was busy planning, organizing and saving up for the ceremony I wanted. It was nice to take a break in all the life changing things to just go watch this movie and laugh so much! I have been thinking if ever I get some new pets then I would name them Marlin and Dory maybe even Nemo....it would be fun to have new life in my home. Oscar and I are insuperable of course, so I wouldn't do anything crazy to upset his elderly years. Then my husband Tony said "We should help give the kittens a home. We could afford it and we have the space for sure!" I stared in awe and delighted shock at him. He always said "NO. No more pets until we are debt free." I agree to those terms, I believe in being debt free and strong in our finical security before we ever promise to care for more animals again. The calico cat who showed up at my parents farm, so nice and so kind needed a good home. Our friend Katie took the soon to be Mamma cat into her wonderful home not far from us. We loved helping out in any way we could, food, litter boxes and vet bills for we would of loved to have such a sweet kitty in our home yet our 3 old cats would of been upset by the birth of 5 kittens. I was so happy to babysit those adorable kitties, to talk to the very good protective Momma cat. Then Tony saw how happy all the kittens made me as I gave so many kisses and knew so much about their care....I was in awe that he said we could help out in giving them a home! So Dory and Marlin came to live with us this week. I turned the upstairs bonus room into a kitten wonderland and put safety gates up as I will slowly carefully bring the kittens into our elderly pet world. Having 2 kittens helps them not being so scared or lonely, they rarely meow as they have each other to adapt to a new family. I would of loved having the whole family with me yet the Momma cat would of tried to kill all my other pets in her need to protect her babies. Our friend has the perfect place for her, I am so glad it turned out to be such a good story. For I had been worrying about that calico cat my father called "T.C." (For Tony's cat) in being on the farm those coyotes would of came in to get her so now I smile in this happy ending! Especially for our home as I lay on the floor so they can run all over purring and loving all the good eats I can make for them. Dory and Marly have the best friendship!
1. Companionship is safety. Animals often move in packs or in awareness of others to warn or help them stay safe through this life cycle of theirs. Cats and dogs love to be close to you in all the places of your home for protection and security. Welcome them with arms wide open! 2. Stability. Animals need stable schedules, they find purpose in what to do with their day when it is organized and dependable. 3. Playfulness. Animals have many ways to play and I love being apart of that whenever I can. I set up cat toys all around my home and I throw the Frisbee for my dog. Such joy and delight is when he runs just for fun in his happy frenzy in the cool summer evenings. 4. Good foods. Animals need to eat, pets are at risk for very bad food choices so I like to cook my own choices for them. That calming time after a full belly is my favorite to see in all of my pets as they nap deeply. I have been baking doggie cookies too, so this is a delightful time in the elder years of my dog. 5. Good hygiene. Animals sometimes need help in grooming or bathing, whenever I start to smell my dog I take a shower with him or I shower and save the water for him to soak a bit. I clean my cats with wet wash clothes or D.E. powder ( Diatomaceous Earth) that dust them down and I brush them out really good, If I find fleas then I will oil my cats down in coconut oil and comb them out. I have used pills to help prevent fleas in my wandering cats too. Good health often helps in prevention too. My bubble bath with dawn dish soap for all my dogs have worked in facing off fleas too. I usually give my pets a deep cleaning twice a month or more in the summer time. 6. Togetherness. Animals are social in so many ways, I take my dog on walks or car rides if the weather is safe and usually always keep them with me. If you have a dog then you already know that they love being with you and they can help you see who is a good person in this world just by staying together when being social. 7. Vet Check ups. Animals need check ups and updated shots. I have recently found the best vet right here in my neighborhood. It takes me 4 minuets to get my pets to their appointments I am in awe and gratefulness for this setup! 8. Communication. Animals send communication to each other all the time, I love observing them and understanding them. When my Oscar was a puppy I woke up chatting away to him so we would go outside first thing for his potty time and he would talk back in short yips and chatting like noise. This always made my husband laugh as he drank his coffee listening to us "talk." 9. Cuddling. Animals understand staying together is safety, It is my favorite time of the night just before bed as everyone is cuddling, trusting, and getting into a cozy spot with each other as darkness brings us all in for the end of the day. 10. Training. Animals are easily trained especially with stability and security. They like having a purpose and a job to do so training becomes that purpose for them. It's wonderful to see how each animals is different with special talents and gifts to bring through out the training session. Training is always going on even if you are not in a class schedule or time set aside for commands and tricks. I am always explaining that training is never ending even after they totally get it. Never be in a hurry or impatient in training as it is the stable calm person who gets the best results. 11. Safety. Animals can get themselves into danger without knowing it. The whole world is in fact a very scary and dangerous place for humans too. Being alert and aware helps in all the safety steps you can take to protect your animals and your home. I am always taking a head count on where all my pets are every couple of hours or so. A fenced in backyard is a wonderful setup when you have more then one dog. A big tree in your front yard is also a safe place for your cats, who like to explore, it's important to me in knowing how my pets behave when they don't think I am watching over them as I see the safety issues they face. I have a list of do's and don'ts in caring over my home, so I never leave lit candles in fact I don't own candles without batteries because I have cats now. I never leave appliances on when I run out to the store, and I separate my cats and dogs if I will be gone since dogs like caves and feeling safe I usually crate them or put them in their own bedroom. Old dogs don't handle the crates very well so a small room just to themselves can help in safety when I am not home. Never leave your dogs outside when you are not home. True danger comes when on one is around to help them.... 12. Fresh water. Animals will drink anything when they are desperate, I don't want my pets to get diseases in sharing water so I change it every single morning, clean out the film in the water bowls and setup several watering corners of my home. Water is the biggest part of safety I can recommend. ALL beings need water at ALL times of the day! The clean cool fresh water makes me happy to see a whole day of safety set down for them. 13. Low Sound. Animals have superhero hearing. They can hear such amazing sounds that we had no idea was going on so I recommend and warn most people who blare their car radio or TV set that if their pets are around then they could be made deaf. It happens all the time actually that dogs go deaf quickly from the external noise we as humans haven't noticed. When I have the car to myself I will turn it up but it usually always stays down just in case. Our TV shows are never that loud as well and it was clearly noted when it got crazy noisy my husband would laugh at how all the animals left the room to nap else where in order to not be bothered by the loud sounds. So be considerate on your pets that they are gifted in great hearing. 14. Healing. Animals need time to heal just as humans, they get sick or feel out of sorts just like you and me. I have learned that when a animal is sick or hurting they will behave very differently. This is a clear cut sign of taking responsibility for them. Like not going to a social place forcing them to be nice when they hurt. Not hiking a mountain or biking in the heat as they need to clearly rest and heal. Time in the slow lane is nice for those sick and hurt pets to get back to their old selves again. Healing is the best time to cuddle, to nap and to simply relax in your shared life. 15. Nap Time. Animals love their nap time, that resting and relaxing helps them handle any sudden changes or threats that sneak up on them. I think it's my favorite time of the day to take pictures of all my pets in their napping places of my home. We have a Mid-morning nap time and a late afternoon nap time. I often join in the later afternoon nap time after I have cleaned the whole house or pulled a section of weeds. Nap time is my idea of real success because these animals have had all their needs met that now they trust each other enough to deeply cuddle and nap together in the heat of the day. It really makes me proud, taking naps is such a gift in healing too. 16. Meal time. Animals love routine, schedules and the guarantee of meals. I love meal time because seeing everyone eat makes me feel safe as well, that we can have good strength in sharing our nutrition with each other. Making sure everyone has enough helps lessen any drama over needing more food, for it can be very dramatic on the animals, so making sure there is enough can help lessen the fear of starving. 17. Shit happens. Animals try to keep their own poop far away from themselves as much as possible this is the most important job in caring over your pets as real diseases and health problems are found in the piles of shit they produce. So often in the cat world people never ever clean the litter box and wonder why the cat has taken to pooping and peeing under their bed. I explain often to new cat owners that the litter box is the most important chore of all! Clean it out twice a day or put 2 litter boxes in place of when you can clean it then. Because it is vital to the healthiness of your cat and dog to always get their poop cleaned up! It is real abuse to leave your pets laying their own shit, so take it seriously and get it cleaned up daily....even ask for help right away if ya can't stomach it. 18. Changing with age. Animals grow old as equal to you or I, we all face new pains and new limitations on ourselves in old age. Being adaptable, being able to adjust the stable schedule to the new issues our animals have in old age is vital to enjoying the end of life. We are all here to help one another, the young will always help the old and the old will always advise the young. The animals have their own traditions and instincts handed down to generations. I understand that some old pets can't handle the joy of the youth, that some youthful pets can't stand the boring slow ways of the old. This is a whole new awareness in how each animal will handle their "golden years." so being able to see how to not push the old into behaving like the young or push the young to learn from the old is also very important in our pet worlds. I have come to see that old age is different for each and every creature.....I like helping in keeping the peace in however that looks with safety first. Changing my ideas of how to exercise, how to travel and how to take on the new day with my pets in their limited elderly years has taught me so much in living with grace, with joy of peace. For in all things with the animals of this earth as we are called to care over and protect them the best we can is that time stands still for no one, we live with the purpose that we are all connected to better the world.
To grieve when we are parted from one another and to be proud of the days we shared! To live when we are all together, to embrace these 18 things and to see the wonder of it all coming together for the great story of life! To kiss the puppies, to play with the kittens, to lay on the floor holding one last breath of our animals, our pets, our friends is the greatest way to live! and I have truly lived.
This summer has been for healing. This has been a painful cycle, a deep cut to the way it all once was. This is my strength in being real, being honest and being open to change. This is a time in my life where I am blooming fully, hurting completely and healing correctly. This is the best and worse summer in deep layers of emotions and education, in these new issues for all of my relationships and in the working of my mind, I am learning very important new tools with the help of professionals.
This has been quite the summer for us, and for our own self worth. I am ready to share a bit more of how stronger I feel lately, I had a panic attack today and quickly handled it. I was amazed that it all calmed down quickly for me and I was grateful to know how to control my emotions and reactions in my panic. This is a journey and I am letting go and gathering new tools for my future and for my peace of mind.
This week seemed to fly by as I stayed home as much as possible to watch over Oscar, he had foot surgery and dental work. He's healing nicely and in a good shape for getting old.
This whole summer has flown by on me actually, I have been in counseling now for a couple of months and I love it! I am learning so many new mental tools to help me adapt to my ever changing life! I am in awe of how much healing, how much depth there is in me! My counselor said that I was a very smart person, and I teared up because I never heard that about myself growing up in fact I feel like my whole family even right now thinks I am not smart. My husband has often said that I don't give myself credit for being super smart....I guess I always automatically think he is just being nice. My self image is that I am C average only wanting to sit by all the really smart people in order to help myself learn more....My counselor said That strategy is brilliant in itself. I laugh back thinking I never noticed it before..... I chose certain good kind family members to befriend and sit beside at family functions on purpose because I was very smart and clever in how to survive a very abusive family system. I am in awe of myself now that being 40 has humbled me and taught me how strong I am in happiness and in my smarts! My positive way of looking life will bring me blessings in return, my relationship choices will give me the comfort and support I need to face anything scary in the future and I handle any kind of triggering from my past even better with my therapy. This week my sister met up with our mother and I for lunch, It's interesting to me how my sister has been coming around a little more, her focus is on mom not me. Yet I like seeing her and her daughter for a moment I like knowing they are doing okay, I have learned not to assume they are happy as I am when we greet one another in fact I try to just shrug it off like "What's up, Mom is happy you guys could join us." I am not lying, not forcing myself to be connected to them. In fact I have long sense left them to just be the way they want which is usually nothing like myself. It can get uncomfortable, awkward and down right weird so now I count my blessings instead of my curses for having to be around that heavy negativity, rude judgement they display on me. I think to myself as my sister snorts, rolls her eyes and says "Duh, You know nothing at all. Don't ask me such stupid questions." I pause a second thinking "Are you enjoying your free day today?" is a stupid question? I have learned through my weekly therapy that my sister saw me as a victim, because I was so nice and hugging with everyone so she made herself really tough in order to protect herself while I saw her as being a bully so I made myself very friendly growing up in hope to keep harmony and find that balance in our childhood. Now I grateful to see her, to wave and let her know I love her, that I hope for the best in her life but I am sure glad not be in it for long. Her personality with me is never ever nice, never ever warm, never ever kind. I have learn to not be those things as well, I stay neutral now in my wisdom and in my healing. I have come a long ways in my sisterhood with such untouchable sister. A couple of years ago a old friend was watching the dynamics unfold between my sister and I, she had a look of wonder and horror on her face. My sister stormed off yet I felt like I deescalated the drama in a new tool set way. She came over right away hugging me and saying "You are incredible, you are like social guru, a real kind honest strong person! I won't of known how to handle your sister like that....it's impressive! Good job!" I smiled sadly and explained "I have lived my whole life with her, I know the tricky steps that work and that don't work....and I love her with unconditional love so that terrifies her. It freaks her out when there is world peace in the home, when everyone is getting long she is uncomfortable so then she lashes out. I don't ever think she will love me as I do her because she can't love herself yet." I nodded and hugged my friend back thinking "Maybe it will all get better, nicer now that Derek has died?" My grief counselor said "You are not just missing your brother, you are missing his help in dealing with your sister too. He helped it be easier in getting along all 3 of you as adults. Now you have be that person, be like your brother in bridging the gap." I tried for almost 3 years now the gap is more like a crater. I sat this week in the summer time day as Mom and I were on our way to the fair, thinking how good it is to see my sister and her daughter be such good friends. I chose positive thoughts and avoidance of dramas with such ease as the new counselor I have said "Stop trying to be the peacemaker for everyone else, just carry your own peace with you where ever you go." This is much easier, I am grateful that lunch was the 4 of us, my mother and sister with my niece. I laughed, I shared, and I got to know them all a little better just as they are and not as I wish them to be. All of time is good when one see it for doing good, for simply just being the best person one can be!
