Hold Back The River

Goodbye Minnie, We loved you so much!

Minnie Mouse

             

The sweetest cartoon character I can remember as a kid was Minnie Mouse. The name came to me so naturally after having seen how sweet Meme was at the vet even though she was in great pain getting all fixed back up.

My sister's husband had came across this stray, this helpless expensive mess of a dog. 
It was almost winter when my sister dropped off this annoying dog to her in my back yard. I hadn't except her to drive all the way into town to my new home.
I arrived home with this shaggy messy stinky stray dog not knowing if I am dealing with a problem dog or a infected dog. Yet Minnie Mouse was the name I choose for her in her new life of hitting the "Jackpot." with coming to live with us. They say a rescued dog should have a new name as a new identity and a whole new life begins for them. I did that so naturally with Minnie, she was an overwhelming mess when she came into our lives, yet she was always gentle and kind to the rest of the cats and dogs in our nicely setup home.
She took that first walk with me as I worked with her on how she behaved and how she interacted with a whole new world with such joy.
Those first days were full of appointments to the groomer all day because she was covered in a tar like clay that cause impacted anal glands. The updated shots, check up and ear cleaning at the vet was 200 dollars alone as they pulled out a pile of cheat grass from her ears, while she cried out and squealed she never tired to bite those people helping her. She kept her eyes on me the whole time as I talked smoothly to her as silent tears rolled down my cheeks. A stray dog as sweet as her deserves a better life for sure!

     

My 3 dogs have such different personalities that why we lived so peacefully all together for 6 years. Minnie likes laying in the shade or inside looking out, Oscar likes being outside all the time or on my lap, while Sidda keeps watch over the home from inside or napping in the sun light. When Minnie came into our lives she blended right in without taking away what was important to my other 2 dogs. This made her a very sweet dog as well, the fact she was devoted to my husband Tony more then going on a walk at the park with the rest of us. She was his kind of dog, just happy to be together.

The day after my brother had died suddenly Oscar attacked Minnie so viciously over a dog treat, the blood all over the floor had me sobbing in shock helplessly on the floor pulling them apart as I asked my husband in desperation "What has happened to MY LIFE!? What the hell is going on!?!"  We never allowed Oscar to be with Minnie again, he's focus on her is to battle maybe because she is deaf now or maybe because she likes to be in my lap more and he feels threaten in his old age too. What once was a perfect pack of 3 very different dogs, all sharing the couch and all sharing their home became 2 different worlds in our new place.
I have devoted my life to making them all comfortable and safe in these retirement years. While Sidda and Minnie take on each morning outside, Minnie will return wanting back in as I hold Oscar back until Minnie comes in so he can go out. He runs and plays with Sidda just as Minnie did but not at the same time. I knew such a life style as this can't last forever yet it was never Minnie's fault that Oscar is mad she can't hear him anymore. 

 I know that my beautiful trio will come to their peaceful end not far from each other so as we lay to rest Minnie Mouse tomorrow I know she had such a great life, we took her with us to the Couerd'Alene Lake for a week which made her so happy to lay around with just us, no cats trying to lay on her.  While we stayed in a cabin a few weekends ago with Minnie in Sun Valley I saw how hard life is for her now, it made me realize that in the pet friendly setup I have made of our home she gets around safely and better. I would of thought all her health issues were just what I take care of everyday in our cozy place.....yet her desire for a new adventure is completely gone.
Her fear of not seeing me at all times has increased, her time has now come.
She will always be my husband's ideal dog who hates long walks and loves food. She will bring us laughter in our memories, she will be a great story of living from rags to riches.

Her gratefulness was so clearly seen every morning she would awake between us on the bed with a "WOW! We lived through the night! This is GREAT!" then she would playfully roll and wiggle. She would bulldoze us over in blankets and pillows so happy to see each of us again and then she would lick our faces once before bolting outside in true grateful delight!
Minnie would often give Oscar a side look as to why he doesn't see what a great life he lives in side by side with us, for he will always be our drama queen. Then she would think Sidda was crazy to be so picky about her treats as Minnie ate everything first then asked questions later. 
Having such a happy soul in our lives like our Minnie Mouse has made these last 8 years truly perfect in a not so perfect world.

Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes.....I will miss you by my side everyday Miss Minnie.
We will always miss you! Sweet Dreams our sweet girl.

Farm Dog (Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar - "Bad Blood" PARODY)

Over the years Farmer Derek has made me laugh!
His many parody videos and his life on the farm has been fascinating to me.
If you ask any of my brothers today they will say "Yes Debby loves that guy and his farmer dog." It's my favorite video! Yes indeed, I sing these lyrics when the real song comes on the radio :-)
Humor, clever wit and goofiness are some of my most favorite things so when I found Farmer Derek I shared these videos all the time to my 4 brothers, Derek, Daren, Doug and Davis.
Those boys would get a shared email from me a few times a year!
Laughter, singing and playing around have been truly helpful over the last 24 months now in my grief and in my suffering such a great loss of my own Brother Derek.
I love Farmer Derek who keeps the joy in his day by sharing with the rest of the world all of his parodies!
I wrote him a thank you for all of these great videos. I shared about my love for my brothers and how we have suffered a huge loss. Farmer Derek was very nice to respond back and now as I spend this last week with our Minnie before we lay her to rest, I sing proudly "You and IIIIIIIIII...." 
 (Minnie wishes I set box of donuts down by her I am sure)

At End of Day

It has been 8 years now that I have had 6 pets, every night before I go to sleep I run around the house to kiss each one where ever they are sleeping.

Each and every night I love living this way.

I have become so focused in the last 2 years of their elderly care and growing limitations.

I have noticed I am not a big fan of traveling away from such important issues in their best health and over all care for stability and routine. In fact leaving home has become a huge frustration for me unless I can take my dogs with me.
Being Sun Valley with Minnie made that time truly wonderful.
It was emotional and reflective too, yet We have known that Minnie is struggling all winter. I kept avoiding the topic with my husband with "It's almost Christmas everything is fine." and "It's almost my big 40th birthday lets have nothing sad happen if we can help it." to "It's almost spring maybe she'll do better in warmer weather?" He finally said that her suffering of old age and returning cancer is very clear. 3 years ago when she went in for surgery her recovery was so hard on her that now we know she would really struggle getting back on her feet if we get all the new growths off of her.

My husband Tony said it best "She is done, she tired of it all and you can tell how scared of everything she is now." I cried with him as I promised to lay her to rest yet it was hard to make that actual call without crying so after our Sun Valley trip I knew there is no other way around this.
At the end of the day with Minnie snuggled in next to me while I drank a cup of coffee under the blanket on the couch to Tony saying "I just love this far better then going out to some fancy restaurant, just being in early safe and cozy with Minnie napping deeply, she's had such a hard time of it getting around." We enjoyed the soft glow from the cabin lamp. We sat visiting before putting on a movie and all was perfect in our mini vacation.

I said "This trip has revealed so much more that Minnie is going through that can get lost in the comforts and routines at home where we have created everything for her to have a easy life. I can see now as she limps or tries to poop that it takes her forever and if I hadn't been there she would of fallen down the stairs several times and so she just gave up trying I carry her now thinking "My dear old Girl, You aren't seeking any new adventures are ya?"
Tony shared "It's not going to be easy, but we can't linger for her get even worse. When we get home let's get it all setup." I snuggled in deeper next to Minnie thinking she has been the sweetest, most grateful dog to be with us. Her friendship with Sidda has been so adorable too. There is no dog like Sidda, she can get along with anyone or any dog being such a sweetheart.

Each day comes to an end with the cats running in and out to the almost spring season arriving while Oscar and Sidda play. They run a frenzy in the backyard happy to feel winter change into spring soon too. While Minnie lays on the bed in the master bedroom as I fold clothes and talk to her. She has to see me at all times nowadays, she is very obsessed and devoted as her eye sight fades with her hearing gone in the last 2 years. I stay close to her and rotate Oscar away from her since he can't stand that she can't hear him anymore. Life is full of stories, of connections and understandings in changing, adapting and declining through time. I have loved my 6 pets, I have known they will soon begin to part from our cozy loving pack. At the end of day I sit back grateful to see everyone napping in out of the cold to the warm blankets and pillows everywhere.

I will always be in awe of these years, these days and these great stories all together. For I awake surrounded by cuddles and snorts, greetings and happiness as they get outside to a new day and as I kiss them "sweet dreams." in the dark of night while they sleep all together safely.

At first light

                    

    It's very cold right now, I have a blanket and a cup of coffee with a snuggling sweet dog Minnie in this cabin surrounded by snow and trees just down the road from Sun Valley Lodge. While it was dark and early while it was freezing we piled up in our jeep to take my husband to his conference.

Yesterday's road trip went very good in the warm March sunshine, the roads were clear the whole way in our 3 hour drive. 
With my pet care all set up, we took our sweet Minnie along side us for her last road trip, she sure has been a wonderful dog!
Our cabin is cozy warm against all the snow.
It's a bit difficult to walk around the icy driveway so while Minnie slide about making my husband Tony laughed as it's a warning for him to be careful I simply walk like a penguin to help them both in the car.
This morning the sun rise was beginning to light up Baldy Mountain as I dropped Tony off and in that first light I held a moment of awe!
"I would recognize that mountain any where!" In reverence I stared up at it right before my very eyes as the jeep idled a bit blowing heat for Minnie and me to head back to our cabin.
At the shape of it so close to me, at the awe I felt as to why so many people come here to ski and to snow board. It's strikingly beautiful!
I saw it back when I was teenager once or twice never really noticing it before....
Before February 2017.
I have found pictures of Baldy mountain online or in local farmer's markets as postcards and note cards. I have written about it, I have watched many youtube videos about it.
I knew it was around me as I unpacked the car yesterday, the crowded busy popular place made me retreat quickly into out cabin and settling our old dog down has been my main focus.
This morning at first light I saw the mountain in it's full majestic close up view! In awe it's has been apart of me now these past 2 years without me having ever skied down it.
"There you are." I whispered
"There is no mistaking it, I have stared at you in thousands of tears."
That very important Saturday morning at first light my brother took off from the home I now live in to arrive to this place, to snowboard this very amazing mountain. The sun shine was in full force that day of our "Winter Apocalypse" as February came to an end. 
At first light I thought about this place, this mountain right before me, the clearly defined ski runs and the whole shape of it. I had not been so clear on what it looked like until after such a day found me.
I am in awe of it being this close to me now, a bitter-sweet understanding.
My brother Derek came to this place to snowboard away the morning, in the light of day appoarching he came here for such adventures. It looks like fun from down here looking up, I can see why it's so popular and I watched the chair lift move up the mountain so easily seen against such bright white snow. It looks so far away like a model train set moving along the display of life.
Derek and I played with trains growing up in fact we loved a toy store that had a huge glassed case of a train set with real looking little people and wild life among the model mountains. All captured in movement through the glass walls that we moved all around to watch in awe!
This is how I felt watching the ski resort opening up on the mountain that claimed his life.
Tree wells are easy to see when walking down the street of all these cabins, snow piled  high as I walk through tightly the tree trunks have snow piled up even higher then me while I can see directly a long tunnel gap against the trunk. If you fall head first into such a mess it would be like quick sand sucking in your body. 
I know all of this only because of the day my brother died.
Growing up skiing closer to home at Bogus Basin I stayed on the slow runs, the wide open spaces. I got tangled up holding onto the tree trunk on a slope that was pure ice all around. I think my sense of danger has always kept me slower then my siblings back then. In fact I now know I live very much slower, I am not in a hurry to ever go do something in early cold bad weather or I schedule only one event in my day to focus on making it and enjoying it while it unfolds.
This morning's beautiful sun shine is quickly coming in bright reminding us all that spring isn't far away after all....
This is a deeply moving mountain to me.
For on my brother Derek's last day on earth he was embracing this mountain side!
He was the force of light in my life that I will always remember!

Idaho Life: Albertson's worker brings cheer to the checkout line

Idaho is a wonderful state full of loving, good people.
There are outliers whose reputation gives Idaho a backwards feel.
This wonderful area is full of nature, wild life and country side while small towns stay stuck in time. The day I moved to Boise Idaho our state capital I felt proud, I felt progressive and very positive that this beautiful city with the river moving right through it was exactly where I was meant to be.
I could leave my car at the park and walk the 27 blocks through out the city stopping at farmer's markets and coffee shops. Sometimes I just sat on the river bank by the college.
I love the small town feel in this city, that when I lived in the house surrounded by herbs and gardens, very privately setup in such a fairy land I would go to my local grocery store where Peter would cheerfully greet me and I would think I live in such a good kind neighborhood!
He would even ask the next morning if my baking turned out from yesterday if I went back in through out the week. He made grocery shopping much easier, his joy in life was equally met with me as I looked forward to chit chatting, and I loved being around such happiness in what felt like a small town place in a clearly changing and growing city.
When we moved out of Boise, I felt very displaced in where to go grocery shopping since every where was a long drive to get to, then I found a great place one block away "Huckleberry Market." only to have them go out of business in the next 6 months.
I miss my neighborhood grocery store, I miss knowing Peter's kindness was the good part of shopping. That long sad week following Derek's death Peter could clearly see my red eyes and tiredness as a change in me, he asked if I was doing alright then my tears rolling down my face silently as I shrugged explaining very simply that my brother has died in a snowboarding accident so I am here trying to buy stuff my family would like to eat in pure comfort foods. He stopped working to around the counter and hug me he was very kind in his real human way that I was grateful. I had felt he would understand so I would simply own it and share it, be in this sadness with truth.  I have always loved my life, I have always been cheerful and helpful yet suddenly I was in a different world, I never knew this kind of pain and this kind of struggle to live on. Kindness is apart of this true joy and real happiness in life.
Peter knows the bittersweet world he gives his cheerfulness to, I will always be grateful for him in my life. This last Saturday I walked through thousands of people attending the grand opening of Albertson's market place on eagle road. (Not far from my home) I walked through such a huge place with elbow to elbow people in such magical wonder this place is awesome! Then I retreated quickly back to my jeep thinking how different my life looks these days, I miss my old Albertson's in my cute cozy home where I could walk over to the store and wave at Peter!
I will carry that importance of those days with me always, I will adapt to the future yet I know I am a small town girl at heart, I will find my place of peace in this world.

Game Nights

The joy in game nights and having fun is how everyone is different while coming together to relax and just enjoy such good laughs.
I love game nights, I love seeing how we all have different ways in playing.
I love learning something new and I also love being all together for a good pass time, and of course just like in this clip from "The Big Bang Theory." I love when it's the boys verse the girls at times too :-D 
(This show has been really funny so far, I love it too)

Sheldon & Penny go shopping

This is a great clip of how I am very much like Sheldon when shopping for myself, I take my mother once a week out and about, we go shopping and out to lunch usually.
For my 40th birthday she helped me pick out a nice outfit and I struggled with keeping my ideal outfit in just 2 colors although she recommend one color even clothes that are very much her style and not mine, I kept telling myself I can adjust and wear whatever she recommends for she is my mother and our shopping for me is different the our usual routines.
I have always struggled in the world of shopping when I was a kid it was place to go get ice cream with friends. If we were on vacation it felt better going out to a big city mall or malls then just staying in a hotel room all day. So shopping the great American pass time and the ideal focus of capitalism, making a huge profit from the needs of others found me growing up among all of it in true annoyance. I would notice bright colors, fun patterns helped me cheer up when shopping so began my rainbow bright wardrobe. 
In that my husband's mother often defended me for wearing whatever I wanted by telling people "My daughter-in-law wears the craziest things and yet she is a really good person!' I would nod back and smile thinking "Because people judge me as mental for not matching in any sort of way....Oprah sure did a job on society for what not to wear....I think happiness is the key motivation, if these clothes cheer you up then wear them."
In my 20's my mother meet me at the mall and freak out that I just grabbed the first thing I liked without first checking the clearance racks. I would tell her I don't want to waste so much time shopping anymore, I would rather buy exactly what I want then to wait for it to go on sale only to never see it again perhaps. 
As my birthday dinner approached I realized that I was right back into the dressing rooms I usually avoid at all cost with my mother waiting to approve or not my soon to be new nice stylish classy and mature clothing.....
It's comforting to have my mother with me in a world I will never really fit in with, I don't see style and judgement, I see happiness or sadness in my clothing, I see colors according to moods and realize style is always evolving so I will save my money for long lasting comfort.
I am glad my mother helped me, that we had those shopping adventures and laughs.
That even at 40 years old I need help in what to wear, I can be grown up for a day or an event in real style and in real class. 
Thanks to Sheldon here I can also relate and laugh at myself!