There is a certain joy in the season of spring and it is for me the fact the moment I jump out of bed after waking up to the 3 dog faces touching mine and maybe even 2 cats in the mix....I srping into action in getting my dogs outside, opening that back door to my bedroom with the scented of lilacs in the fresh air! This is what I love about my life and my family the happiness in our morning routine in where as coffee brews and the news plays over head from the huge TV (That my husband Tony got from his Grandpa) I can simply leave the door and windows open as I happily cook breakfast. Of course my husband is not and will never be a morning person he still delights in my big breakfast plates and coffee brought to his cozy chair, he lets me know what is happening in the world as I start out my day, I race around for breakfast on the tables of cats and in the crates of dogs thinking as I hug and kiss each one how AMAZING is my life life right now? Then at the joking around of my husband who keeps asking me over and over again for a refill of his coffee cup while I tend to all things in cleaning up he usually can get me to finally say "Go get your own damn coffee!" then he laughs like a little kid as I frown. "I love it! EVERY morning you snap eventually and I am glad you are not just a "Push over". He says as if he had been worried about me so I roll my eyes. "Is it fun for him to do this EVERY morning?" I wonder to myself and then I sit back to my own plate of food while the news gives way thinking about the upcoming day. My morning time debating and challenging with my husband on just how different we are and yet how very much the same we are as well, is exactly how ALL mornings should be I think....now sometimes there are appointments before 10am that take away from our usual banter but on those days we make it appoint to debate over a fire pit, or share a beer. Yet for me morning time is lazy, fun and yummy full of bacon and eggs in waking up slowly and cozily! This is why Spring holds that greater love for the outside world, I love eating breakfast on the patio MOST of ALL! Where as winter mornings can last ALL day long under blankets and napping pets because it's so cold we all cuddle in more and I can not tell when the hours are changing for day time.
When life gets busy I try to still maintain my lazy mornings with a good healthy breakfast and that delightful time to wake up awhile, this is the key in what I found works for me! In what makes me strong enough for the whole day ahead, and whatever unknown event it still holds.....
Usually starting out the best in just a spring morning when I get to leave the door OPEN!
Yesterday brought me to tears again in such a surprising way....10 months ago I lost my best friend Benny and some months on this date I feel just fine, tell stories and memories of her with no huge emotional out burst but yesterday was different maybe it was the spring season with that sense of changing or maybe it was the fact the last time I saw her was in April of 2013.......
I hit a wall, a huge thick castle wall when I want to talk to her again! I never thought this would happen so young in our lives yet here I am still sadden at the memories of such a day so painful to me as when she died.
We are coming up on a year.....maybe I needed those heavy tears last night to push me out of my cave in hiding from the truth, I shall never see her again. Yet maybe if she can see me then I need to step up my game, I need to get up and getting moving, let go of my self pity or my selfishness in missing my girl. I need to go swing after the storm in celebrating life and all those I love who still live on right now!
I am happy, deep inside my soul I am happy always. In my eyes I can see such beauty before me as I swing! There is nothing in this life that I want more then to just BE.
I am not alone in each breath I take, I am not alone in all these new friends I am making and most importantly I am not alone even when I go out to swing! In fact the higher I go towards the sky the more I feel less alone and closer to those angels out there in the beyond!
Today brought me to the park, to my much needed walk and to my swing where I could touch the sky knowing we are never ever going to accept these painful "Goodbyes" not when we swing!
When I come to think about what is life and how did it get here to this planet in the first place I am left in wonder of this unknown.
It was taught to me when I was little of God made everything so it was nice to not keep asking this question over and over again.
Now as an adult I am responsible for my own facts and my own ideas.
I could be wrong more then when I was 3 years old when these answers were handed to me for no effort of my own soul searching.....
But now I can not say I know for sure until I actually DO!
Life is not lacking in it's force to thrive, some will make it and some will not. Like a seed in the ground it will NEVER stop trying to match all the chemistry to grow big and bountiful for as long as possible. Without the right combination for starting out the over all quality to this plant's life force is either amazing or cut short.
Like with humans in the same way we live or we simply survive then no matter how great life was in the end we all die. WE are all a world unto our own, in our own bodies individually. Yet this real world full of earthly energy is going out last us all unless we blow it up and then call ourselves GOD in the end as each human struggles with such a desire to be God for our own ego sake's, our own world in our minds.
I wonder why the adults in my childhood kept saying "Heaven, a place far away from this earth will be the paradise we really want to live forever in." I was left thinking "Why are we not killing ourselves to get there right away then? I want to live in this so called Heaven right now!"
As 3 decades found me older and wiser from my first idea of reaching Heaven before anyone else I knew....makes me chuckle and shake my head in realizing fear of pain and suffering made these people tell me things to help them cope not for me to take so literally. Heaven and Hell are actual emotions and feelings we carry inside each of us, if we beat our children we create a real hell or if we rock our babies to sleep we create a real heaven. In our own mind's eye we can tell stories of hell, of hurting and killing all the living beings around us, we can tell ourselves such stories as no one loves us so we hate all things this is hell in it's pure craziness. in our same mind we can stop to take a deep breath thinking how we carry endless love within our own soul, we hold the keys to forgiveness and grace THIS is the real Heaven we all long to live forever in! The secret of life is understanding how the true structure of our own personal choices will create the story before us, so it is simple in how we can choose hell or heaven right now. Everything else with all our millions of questions to know even more comes down to what we have to let go of trying to make full sense in how everything is connected and why.....I shall never stop asking such things while I can live free and in peace with what I have discovered so far and that is....
We can only control ourselves in what kind of life we live.
The circle of life isn't just for Elton John to sing about, it is ALL around us every single day. It makes us stop and think about it, or it can make us laugh and cry because ALL of life is here for this one second of right now then we stop to think about it even more and it's gone. For the circle of life is one simple second, some of us have millions of seconds to loose while others maybe in their last single second of life.......It's hard to judge ahead time, so I say be aware of all things living and enjoy the ride!
Easter Sunday was yesterday and normally I never think about it unless I am around kids THEN it's all about the colorful eggs to hide yet while I was growing up it was THE Sunday for my white dress shoes and I could not wear them until that Sunday with new brightly floral dresses, there was a sense of a celebration on Easter Sunday at Church over the Resurrection of Jesus. In church we called him the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, and was born again or brought back from death to life....THIS is the same story line of many Gods through out ALL of history, and even more proof to me now that ALL of life is a circle.
I liked those days growing up in Church when Easter came along bringing changes to the surrounding decor of the auditorium and in bettering the moods of everyone I considered my friends.
We loved fresh flowers in our hair or hats, hugging each other with big grins while saying "He lives!" even though we all knew that he doesn't really, not ACTUALLY living for 200 years still.....Then that would be a TRUE miracle of mind blowing proportions. Easter was the celebration of life in general and not death, well....once you got passed the whole bleeding on the cross for all of humanity thing that had befallen Jesus 3 days before he became alive again saying if we can believe he did this whole crazy weekend thing then we can have eternal life like him! I think eternal life is something the ego of all humans every where would like to obtain! Looking back it is easy for me to believe even more strongly in the facts Life is a circle, and it all makes so much more sense to me then when I first started asking important questions like ....."So God left Jesus, his only son to suffer death when it's really the fault of all these people who carry this thing called "sin" around until one day they thought this SIN needs be paid back for all it's evil doings, and seems God is calling in the debt of this sin now that he created Jesus a perfect human being (So maybe not a real human being then??? yet how confusing are these layers of the story).......I wanted to know as a worried child "Did Jesus know? Did he know of God's big plan to bring him back life so he would not be so afraid in all that crazy touring pain of slowly dying for the sake of sin?" and I never got a straight answer from anyone.....
The world of Christianity is a deep entanglement, logic is replaced by the other thing called "Faith" but once again that is the circle of life, for we have faith in our understanding of each season in a year's time we have faith that one day winter will end and spring will come again! Yet we act like we have never seen it before, all those magical things like green trees, tulips, and bunny rabbits!
Ya know, I will never really like Easter, not for all chocolate in the world! Because it will always bring me back around to where I came from, to that strong minded religion and how I once believed in it all. How I cried over such a sad story of this wee little perfect lamb being slaughtered for sake of redemption, letting the guilt flood my soul as a teenager when really all along it was the Aries Ram shooting across the sky, sacrificing himself to get us through another spring time towards that idea of summer being our eternal life as we had once been dead asleep in winter. The truth is that there is no guilt in the signs and wonders where these legends grow.
The circle of life comes down to simply rolling right along with or without your bible or better yet your Easter basket!
It is a wonderful season to have a birthday! Everyone loves going out in good weather after winter's dark coldness, my husband has had a week long celebration for his birthday ever since I first met him 15 years ago. I was impressed by this instantly for my own winter birthday never held that kind of attention.
Aries are amazing people born under the sign of a ram, In another translation it could be "the lamb that takes away the sin of the world" if you compared those bible notes to the current seasons changes. It's so fascinating how each detail is connected in all the mystical stories of our past history. No matter what you may think of the signs it can not be ignored how everyone's spirit is excited for SPRING! The nice weather sitting on a patio or the dark green popping up from the earth again makes everyone want to be outside more and in a celebration of a birthday the whole world wakes up with warm playfulness, I love it all of course!
Happy Birthday to Tony, my Sweet Clever Hubby!
